A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Time For a Coffee Break!

Today's Dear Prudence -

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camlan:
A desk jockey might have had to give the orders to send troops into harm's way. If those troops were killed, he might feel that he was responsible.

I think the LW either accepts that he will never know if his boyfriend has killed someone, or he ends the relationship.

Emily's point that the experiences the boyfriend had in the military are part of what has shaped the boyfriend into being such a great guy is a good one. Either you accept the whole person, or you don't.

Redneck Gravy:

--- Quote from: camlan on February 21, 2013, 01:22:42 PM ---A desk jockey might have had to give the orders to send troops into harm's way. If those troops were killed, he might feel that he was responsible.

I think the LW either accepts that he will never know if his boyfriend has killed someone, or he ends the relationship.

Emily's point that the experiences the boyfriend had in the military are part of what has shaped the boyfriend into being such a great guy is a good one. Either you accept the whole person, or you don't.

--- End quote ---

Exactly!

EllenS:
I admire BF's spine.  And if LW keeps pushing, the situation will likely resolve itself because I foresee BF withdrawing the offer to move in.

Hawkwatcher:
Considering that this was their first date, the boyfriend might have chosen to use a humorous response to keep the mood light. He was probably wanting to make a good impression.  He might have thought that saying "I can't discuss that" would come off as too abrupt. 

One of the things that bothers me is that the LW knows that his boyfriend can't discuss his military service and is still pushing the issue.   If he really cares about his boyfriend, he should drop it.

Kendo_Bunny:
I find the weirdest part to be his comment about "I know killing changes people" after going on about how his boyfriend is the most perfect guy. Well, if his boyfriend killed someone and was changed by it, it obviously changed him into a perfect guy, so what's the problem?

The kind of people who have been in war situations and like talking about killing people are not usually the ones who make stable partners. The only reason I know my grandfather killed someone in WWII is because he took a sidearm from the Nazi officer he shot during the Battle of the Bulge (mostly for the extra ammunition), and he had to explain how he got it. But he didn't like describing it in detail and it apparently took him a long time before he even explained the story to his wife and kids. My Dad is a veteran, and I have no idea if he's killed anyone. It seemed indelicate to ask.

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