The Missing Box Lunch

[DottyG]

First, if she wants to have a group lunch in the conference room, then she or the company should foot the bill. The idea of my boss dictating to me where I am to buy my lunch today and where I am to eat it is abhorent to me.

This was my first thought when I read the OP.  But I wasn't sure if maybe I was off - especially when I noticed that it didn't seem to bother anyone else.  I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought this was completely wrong from the get-go.

And as for why the friend went to get the phone call instead of letting it go to voicemail (a previous poster mentioned this), my opinion is that business comes first.  A little "get together to make us all bestest buddies here at the office" takes a backseat to getting the work done that I was hired to do for the company.  If a business call comes in related to my job, I'm going to take it if I feel I need to.

[Snooks]

I'd file this incident in the "too broken to find a fix" file.  I stand by my initial assessment of the situation except for the fact that I missed everyone had ordered and paid for their own lunch which means someone's lunch was definitely missing (and obviously wasn't your friend's).  It's just one of those situations you'd find yourself in thinking "These people are all crazy, just phone the darn deli and tell them they missed one" while everyone else will still be rehashing it in three month's time and each one of them will be blameless.

[siamesecat2965]

I'd file this incident in the "too broken to find a fix" file.  I stand by my initial assessment of the situation except for the fact that I missed everyone had ordered and paid for their own lunch which means someone's lunch was definitely missing (and obviously wasn't your friend's).  It's just one of those situations you'd find yourself in thinking "These people are all crazy, just phone the darn deli and tell them they missed one" while everyone else will still be rehashing it in three month's time and each one of them will be blameless.

Ah yes, the those who can't do anything but complain, and never take any action to actually FIX something. I work with some of them as well. I get its frustrating when something happens ,but then there's as simple solution, and they choose to do nothing, I've got no sympathy for you.

[oceanus]

Another thing, the 2 who shared should have gotten refunds (half the price of the lunch) but I don’t know if that happened or not (friend didn’t say).  Of course, If AD had called the deli as soon as the error was discovered, no one would have had to share.  That was so silly and unnecessary.

As far as the phone call, I think the caller must have “zeroed out” of voice mail and reached the front desk OR the call came in to the front desk and secy saw friend walk by.

[TootsNYC]

I think they were annoyed because if she hadn't taken the lunch to her desk, she would have been the one without.  They could have said "Oh, we thought you already got yours.  Too bad, so sad."

This is exactly what I was wondering about. Had she not taken a lunch, when she got off her phone call, your friend would have returned to the conference room only to find that there was no lunch waiting for her, right?

In any case, the AD really messed up on a lot of levels from what I can see. First, if she wants to have a group lunch in the conference room, then she or the company should foot the bill. The idea of my boss dictating to me where I am to buy my lunch today and where I am to eat it is abhorent to me. I usually bring my lunch or go out, as in, out, away from the office. Sometimes I run errands at lunchtime. So in this situation, am I supposed to forgo all that? In my office, the management buys lunch for the whole office occasionally and it's just set up in the kitchen and people help themselves. No one is told they have to eat it and no one is told they have to sit in a particular room for lunch! The only exception to this is if it's a business meeting which is taking place over the lunch hour. But again, either the company is buying or everyone is free to bring in their own lunch (from home or sandwich shop or wherever).

And as PPs mentioned, since the AD ordered it all and collected the money and paid, it was completely her responsibility to make sure that at least the right number of meals were delivered.

yep.

The idea that the AD picked the place and didn't pay is just amazing to me. If you want to have a "bonding" lunch, then you foot the bill.

Or, you make it optional.

And if you're organizing people's ordering of lunches (no matter who is paying), you check the order and call about the missing lunch.

[LazyDaisy]

I think they were annoyed because if she hadn't taken the lunch to her desk, she would have been the one without.  They could have said "Oh, we thought you already got yours.  Too bad, so sad."

This is exactly what I was wondering about. Had she not taken a lunch, when she got off her phone call, your friend would have returned to the conference room only to find that there was no lunch waiting for her, right?

In any case, the AD really messed up on a lot of levels from what I can see. First, if she wants to have a group lunch in the conference room, then she or the company should foot the bill. The idea of my boss dictating to me where I am to buy my lunch today and where I am to eat it is abhorent to me. I usually bring my lunch or go out, as in, out, away from the office. Sometimes I run errands at lunchtime. So in this situation, am I supposed to forgo all that? In my office, the management buys lunch for the whole office occasionally and it's just set up in the kitchen and people help themselves. No one is told they have to eat it and no one is told they have to sit in a particular room for lunch! The only exception to this is if it's a business meeting which is taking place over the lunch hour. But again, either the company is buying or everyone is free to bring in their own lunch (from home or sandwich shop or wherever).

And as PPs mentioned, since the AD ordered it all and collected the money and paid, it was completely her responsibility to make sure that at least the right number of meals were delivered.

yep.

The idea that the AD picked the place and didn't pay is just amazing to me. If you want to have a "bonding" lunch, then you foot the bill.

Or, you make it optional.

And if you're organizing people's ordering of lunches (no matter who is paying), you check the order and call about the missing lunch.

Perhaps I misread the OP, but I got the impression it was optional. AD went around and asked people in the morning if they already had plans for lunch. That would have been the time for anyone to agree or opt out. I've done that with bosses/coworkers who suggest a group lunch that isn't hosted or part of a mandatory meeting. Just let them know up front that I plan on using my lunch to run errands, eat my homemade lunch, or just get away from the office for a bit. In fact I've done that with a mandatory "lunch" meeting. Let my boss know that I'll be at the meeting but taking my personal lunch after. It may be like drawing a line in the sand for some bosses, but at least where I live, I am entitled by law to an uninterrupted lunch period and they know it.

[DottyG]

AD went around and asked people in the morning if they already had plans for lunch.

But I don't see that as an optional lunch.  I see that more on the lines of an invitation like "What are you doing this Saturday" without telling the person why you're asking.  Well, why don't you tell me why you want to know and then I'll tell you what I'm doing!  Because asked in that way, it's almost like a trick - it could be that they want you to fly to Paris for dinner - or that they want you to go dumpster diving.

It could be that the boss is asking because he needs you to work on an important project that needs to be done at a certain time or attend a really fancy luncheon where you're going to be getting an award - or it could be that he wants to do this "I'm going to plan a group hugfest that you're going to need to pay money in order to participate in."  That's not a fair way of asking that allows an employee to speak freely as to what they want to do with their lunchtime.

[LazyDaisy]

The example you gave is still optional to say yes you have plans or no you don't. An invitation is not a summons. No one asks if you have plans for a specific day or time without a reason. Knowing this, just be honest on if you have plans or not -- even if the plan is to fluff your pillows and stay in bed all day. You sound like you just can't stand the idea that you might miss out on something better. Even if you don't have plans, here's an idea, just tell the person that you don't want to go dumpster diving. Problem solved. If you tell the truth, you'll never get caught in a lie.

If the boss is asking because he needs you to work on an important project that needs to be done at a certain time, they don't usually ask if you have plans, they just tell you they have a project that needs to get done.

"That's not a fair way of asking that allows an employee to speak freely as to what they want to do with their lunchtime." Sure it is, polish up the old spine and say no thank you. Just because you choose not to say no, doesn't mean you don't have the choice.

[gramma dishes]

Is there any possibility that the Assistant Director went around, got everyone's orders, called the deli or whoever was making the sandwiches, placed the order --
and forgot to order her own? 

[oceanus]

GD, I don't think so.  I got a detailed description of who said/did what.  (9 lunches and 10 drinks were delivered), and friend heard secy say to AD "Yeah, you ordered 10 box lunches and 10 drinks, I remember".  Also, friend observed AD eating a full lunch while 2 people were sharing (which I find strange, unless they volunteered or weren't that hungry).

[TootsNYC]

GD, I don't think so.  I got a detailed description of who said/did what.  (9 lunches and 10 drinks were delivered), and friend heard secy say to AD "Yeah, you ordered 10 box lunches and 10 drinks, I remember".  Also, friend observed AD eating a full lunch while 2 people were sharing (which I find strange, unless they volunteered or weren't that hungry).

Me too!

I would never do that, were I the AD. I'd call for the other lunch. The two people sharing would have to argue pretty firmly and convincingly that they were dieting, or something.

[sammycat]

if she wants to have a group lunch in the conference room, then she or the company should foot the bill.

This is the first thing that occurred to me when I read the OP and I can't believe it took 2 whole pages for anyone (else) to mention it.

That aside, the OP's friend wasn't wrong or rude in the slightest.

The AD screwed up completely. As soon as anyone realised that a lunch was missing, she should have called the deli and asked them to send over the omitted item. In the meantime, she should have offered up her own meal to the person missing one if it was comparable to their own.

The poster who mentioned that the accusers were jealous/annoyed that the OP's friend was able to miss this little pow-wow as she was working on legitimate firm business could be onto something too.

[oceanus]

In the meantime, she should have offered up her own meal to the person missing one if it was comparable to their own.

I think AD eating a whole lunch while 2 shared was kind of tacky.

There are only 2 things which might (notice I said “might”) explain it:

1) Maybe AD is a vegetarian and hers was the only vegetarian lunchbox.  (I don’t know, friend is not available this weekend to ask.  But I think she would have mentioned it).

2) The two who shared insisted that she not bother calling and said “no problem, we can share” (highly unlikely).

The way I see it, this whole thing was AD’s bright idea, she placed the orders, and it was her mistake to fix.

[lowspark]

  First thing in the morning, AD checked to see if anyone had definite lunch plans (apparently they didn’t), and she announced that she was going to order box lunches and soft drinks to be delivered from a deli so they could all eat together and relax in the conference room.  Everyone paid for their own lunch.

Ok, so yeah, I get that it appears to be sort of optional. But in a tricky way.
The question: Hey, you doing anything for lunch? is ok.
The response: OK, then everyone will pay for their own from the place I choose and eat in together in the conference room. is not so great.

Because once you've already said you're free for lunch, it's not so easy to then confront the boss and decline. It's just not ok for the company management to ask if you're free for lunch, an implication that the company is buying, and then switch it to, ok, you pay, you eat what I tell you to eat and you eat where I tell you to eat.

And yeah, you could polish up your spine and decline, but that's just not such an easy thing to do in that sort of situation for a lot of reasons. It's a small office so the one person bucking the trend is going to get noticed. It might be viewed as not being a team player. etc. It's just not the same as a friend saying, "you got plans?" and then springing something on you that you don't want to do. A friend doing that is simply not the same as a boss doing it.

[Hmmmmm]

In the meantime, she should have offered up her own meal to the person missing one if it was comparable to their own.

I think AD eating a whole lunch while 2 shared was kind of tacky.There are only 2 things which might (notice I said “might”) explain it:

1) Maybe AD is a vegetarian and hers was the only vegetarian lunchbox.  (I don’t know, friend is not available this weekend to ask.  But I think she would have mentioned it).

2) The two who shared insisted that she not bother calling and said “no problem, we can share” (highly unlikely).

The way I see it, this whole thing was AD’s bright idea, she placed the orders, and it was her mistake to fix.

I agree it was tacky in many cases.  But since everyone ordered what they wanted, maybe the two who shared had both ordered turkey sandwiches while the AD had roast beef and the turkey eater's didn't want the roast beef. 

I think the AD or whoever placed the order should have followed up with the deli to get a refund or a late delivery of the boxed lunch.

And in my experience the #2 is very likely to happen in my office.  Instead of waiting for a new boxed lunch to arrive, someone would offer to share and someone would accept.