Rude to offer child’s appetizer to others?

[Hmmmmm]

My group dining expectations is this:
-If you order a group type appetizer (cheese sticks, calamari, fried mushrooms) that comes in pieces then you offer some to your dining companions.
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What would you do with someone who does not follow your rules?   I would be really upset if you imposed them on me...especially "sharing" food.

I take exception to the bolded as well.  If you are dining with a group, discuss ordering appetizers as you stated later on.  However, there is nothing wrong in ordering an appetizer to eat yourself or to share with your dining companion only.  In my experience it does not delay getting the main course by that much and usually people are busy talking anyway.
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Me three. While I think it's nice when someone shares his or her appetizer, I certainly don't expect it or think they are rude if they don't. I couldn't quite put my finger on why it irked me until this morning, but it boils down to this: your companions aren't rude for choosing to not subsidize your meal. Expecting someone to give you part of the appetizer they ordered and paid for themselves is an awful lot like expecting them to split the check evenly when you've ordered a bottle of wine and the lobster and they stuck to soda and a Cobb salad. True, it's not on the same scale, but it's the same sort of expectation. If you want to eat what someone else is having, either order it yourself or offer to split it (the dish and the cost).

It seems you've dismissed my bullet #2 which is if you don't order an appetizer, when a dining companion offers you part of their, you decline because you don't have something to share back and you made the decision to not order an appetizer when it was

On the other post about delaying your dining companions, in my experience it does delay the mains by at least 10 to 15 minutes.  If it doesn't then the restaurant isn't giving you time to finish your app prior to brining the mains to the table. If it is a social day and no one is on a deadline then I'm sure most dining companions would say "sure go ahead, no problem". But if it's a quick lunch with work companions, I'd be fine with someone saying "would you mind them bringing it with your main as I need to get back to the office for a meeting."

As I started the post, this is MY expectations. If someone doesn't have the same ones, I'm obviously not going to reach across the table and help myself. But within our family, appetizers are always shared so if I offered others at the table part of my daughter's cheese sticks she ordered, she wouldn't blink an eye because that is "our" norm. Any look of suprise would have been because she realized she hadn't offered it to others. 

[Calistoga]

It was the child's food. Not the mothers. If it was understood within the family that appetizers are to be shared, then she needed to encourage her child to offer, not do it for her.

[Yvaine]

On the other post about delaying your dining companions, in my experience it does delay the mains by at least 10 to 15 minutes.  If it doesn't then the restaurant isn't giving you time to finish your app prior to brining the mains to the table. If it is a social day and no one is on a deadline then I'm sure most dining companions would say "sure go ahead, no problem". But if it's a quick lunch with work companions, I'd be fine with someone saying "would you mind them bringing it with your main as I need to get back to the office for a meeting."

Interesting! I never actually noticed that. I've never timed it, but it always seems to be that if a table only orders mains, the food takes long enough that people could have ordered and eaten appetizers while waiting, and it seemed to me that part of the point of appetizers was to kill time while the kitchen cooked the more time-intensive entrees (since most apps are things that can be prepared very quickly). Or maybe the wait just seems longer when there's nothing to munch on...

[LadyR]

On the other post about delaying your dining companions, in my experience it does delay the mains by at least 10 to 15 minutes.  If it doesn't then the restaurant isn't giving you time to finish your app prior to brining the mains to the table. If it is a social day and no one is on a deadline then I'm sure most dining companions would say "sure go ahead, no problem". But if it's a quick lunch with work companions, I'd be fine with someone saying "would you mind them bringing it with your main as I need to get back to the office for a meeting."

Interesting! I never actually noticed that. I've never timed it, but it always seems to be that if a table only orders mains, the food takes long enough that people could have ordered and eaten appetizers while waiting, and it seemed to me that part of the point of appetizers was to kill time while the kitchen cooked the more time-intensive entrees (since most apps are things that can be prepared very quickly). Or maybe the wait just seems longer when there's nothing to munch on...

This. Most places I've eaten, mains take the same amount of time regardless of whether your order appetizers or not. And appetizers often come out much, much quicker.

[Hmmmmm]

On the other post about delaying your dining companions, in my experience it does delay the mains by at least 10 to 15 minutes.  If it doesn't then the restaurant isn't giving you time to finish your app prior to brining the mains to the table. If it is a social day and no one is on a deadline then I'm sure most dining companions would say "sure go ahead, no problem". But if it's a quick lunch with work companions, I'd be fine with someone saying "would you mind them bringing it with your main as I need to get back to the office for a meeting."

Interesting! I never actually noticed that. I've never timed it, but it always seems to be that if a table only orders mains, the food takes long enough that people could have ordered and eaten appetizers while waiting, and it seemed to me that part of the point of appetizers was to kill time while the kitchen cooked the more time-intensive entrees (since most apps are things that can be prepared very quickly). Or maybe the wait just seems longer when there's nothing to munch on...

This. Most places I've eaten, mains take the same amount of time regardless of whether your order appetizers or not. And appetizers often come out much, much quicker.

I think that could be true in some places and some appetizers. Like at TexMex, our entrees are not going to be slowed down if we order a bowl of queso to go with our chips. But last week we were at a Peruvian restaurant and did a starter of empanadas that were made to order. Had they started our DD's seabass at the same time they started our empanadas, her entree would have been ready a long time before we recevied our appetizer.

At our favorite steak house, the waiter will bring out appetizer and ask as if we'd like for him to have the kitchen start our steaks or wait a little longer.

At a pizza place we favor, their pizza's take 90 secs to cook. So from the time you order they can literally have the pizza assembled, cooked, and sliced within 5 minutes. So again, the pizza would show up before our order of cheesesticks if the waiter didn't hold our pizza order till after he brought out cheese sticks out to us.

[snowdragon]

About the list of "rules" I'm an adult, I am paying for my own meal and my companion is an adult presumably paying for theirs  -  I will not ask permission to order what I want. I would not expect to make the decision on their ability to or what they want.  This is part of the reason why I hate having people "treat" me - I want to be able to order what I want with out worrying about it.
  If my ordering an appetizer slows you down so much, then ask that your meal come with my appetizer. But don't expect tour have adults ask your permission to eat what they want. 

[DottyG]

If my ordering an appetizer slows you down so much, then ask that your meal come with my appetizer. But don't expect tour have adults ask your permission to eat what they want.

This.  And I think that, if someone asked if I could get my appetizer at the same time as my entree because they have a meeting to get back for, I'd wonder why they even agreed to go to lunch.  And I'd be a little miffed.  It sounds like they didn't plan correctly for lunch and probably should have stayed back at the office that day.  Anything could happen to delay a meal - not just the ordering of an appetizer.  And if someone is that crunched for time, they chose unwisely to go to lunch.

[Hmmmmm]

If my ordering an appetizer slows you down so much, then ask that your meal come with my appetizer. But don't expect tour have adults ask your permission to eat what they want.

This.  And I think that, if someone asked if I could get my appetizer at the same time as my entree because they have a meeting to get back for, I'd wonder why they even agreed to go to lunch.  And I'd be a little miffed.  It sounds like they didn't plan correctly for lunch and probably should have stayed back at the office that day.  Anything could happen to delay a meal - not just the ordering of an appetizer.  And if someone is that crunched for time, they chose unwisely to go to lunch.

A couple of weeks ago, a vendor took a few of us out to lunch after a meeting to a local seafood restaurant. When the vendor issued the lunch invitation she mentioned she'd be leaving directly from the restaurant to get to the airport for her afternoon flight. The restaurant was primarily chosen because 1)it's close to the office 2) is pretty fast on getting lunch out.  Normal expectation is that if you order off their lunch menu you can be in and out within 30-45 min. We had a table of 8 and the first 7 of us order off the lunch menu and turn down the suggestion of soup, salad, or appetizer. The last to order decides he wants to start with a bowl of gumbo, then have a salad, before the main courses are brought. So we all sat for almost 20 - 25 minutes after ordering going through baskets of bread while he finished his soup and salad before our main courses were brought. As our host, I'm sure our vendor didn't feel comfortable saying to the waitress "would you go ahead and bring my entree and I'll eat and leave" since she did have to pay the bill.

Now this is an extreme example, but we do all leave the office with some expectaion on how long a lunch will take. Because of the way our office is laid out and located, it takes 15 minute minimum to get from desk to car and drive to a restaurant so 30 minutes is taken up on travel. So yes, someone ordering an appetizer that takes an additional 10 to 15 minutes now means that I have less than 15-20 minutes to eat my main course and pay my bill.   

But, you are correct that it is completely within your right to order anything you want. I just wouldn't enjoy being the only person at a group dining table eating an appetizer while everyone else sat waiting for me to finish so they could get their main course.

[DottyG]

Like the others, though, I've never really found that ordering an appetizer prolongs the meal that much.  They're brought out, like others have said, while the entrees are being cooked, so it's not that much longer.  If it makes the lunch that much longer, it would seem to me that the restaurant isn't doing its job correctly - and I'd quietly let the waitress/manager know.  A restaurant, such as one would eat in for an informal work lunch, should know how to time things such that people aren't waiting long periods of time.  Yours was not the only table, I'm sure, trying to eat and get back to work; they should be used to that scenario.

Edited to clarify:  The above refers to a lunch type situation.  There have been more formal places where it's expected that a meal might lengthen due to the various courses.
 
 

[DottyG]

Also, in the case you described, the vendor could have easily told the waitress that she was trying to make a plane flight and to bring the food out accordingly.  Sounds like she didn't do the simplest thing she could have to prevent the problem.

If I'm in any kind of a rush to eat and leave, I let the waitress know that.  They're usually good about working with that and getting things out more quickly.

[Hmmmmm]

Also, in the case you described, the vendor could have easily told the waitress that she was trying to make a plane flight and to bring the food out accordingly.  Sounds like she didn't do the simplest thing she could have to prevent the problem.

If I'm in any kind of a rush to eat and leave, I let the waitress know that.  They're usually good about working with that and getting things out more quickly.

Not trying to argue but clarify.

So for the bolded, if said to the waitress would your expecation be that the waitress would:
-bring out the other guest's soup and salad together and then bring all of our entrees at the same time
-the waitress would bring out the soup for the one guest and then bring his salad and our entrees then the other guests entree after he finished his salad
-bring the one guests soup, salad and entree all at the same time with all of our entrees?

While I can see how any of these scenarios would reduce the amount of time, it seems wrong to take control of someone else's meal course timing.

And our waitress was aware we were in a hurry. But bringing his gumbo, his eating it and her coming back to remove the bowl took at least 10 minutes and then again the same for his salad. There wasn't much that she could do about it since he had ordered 3 courses.

[Mammavan3]

The rudeness is not in the time it took to deliver and aeat the soup and salad and thus delaying the meal but in no following the host's lead in ordering only an entree.

[gollymolly2]

Like the others, though, I've never really found that ordering an appetizer prolongs the meal that much.  They're brought out, like others have said, while the entrees are being cooked, so it's not that much longer.  If it makes the lunch that much longer, it would seem to me that the restaurant isn't doing its job correctly - and I'd quietly let the waitress/manager know.  A restaurant, such as one would eat in for an informal work lunch, should know how to time things such that people aren't waiting long periods of time.  Yours was not the only table, I'm sure, trying to eat and get back to work; they should be used to that scenario.

Edited to clarify:  The above refers to a lunch type situation.  There have been more formal places where it's expected that a meal might lengthen due to the various courses.

I'm a bit late to the thread but just FYI, I've worked at a number of chain restaurants - the type people often go to at lunch. All of them had computer systems that automatically delayed the entrees if someone ordered an appetizer. Thats not to say that every restaurant does this, of course, but it's pretty common.

[Girlie]

I have to admit that I'm a bit conflicted about this particular scenario.

In my family, my mother would never have that. Then again, my mother would never let us order an appetizer just for ourselves, either. Even now, as adults, the familial understanding is that if appetizers are ordered, everybody shares. Of course, this is the norm in my family, where we believe nothing should ever be shared except food and bathroom space.

I think if the mom was trying to make a point to her daughter, and if the mom wasn't also offering up her daughter's entree, then all the OP or anyone else can do is sit back and participate or not based on their own conscience. I don't necessarily agree with the mom or the method, but not knowing the dynamic, I don't want to call judgment on her, either.

I don't think the mom was wrong per say, but I would not have felt comfortable taking the food, either.