Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks

[Winterlight]

link

Dean Cain, who was engaged to the singer for about a year starting in 1997, tells People, "I'm saddened to hear of her passing, but I'm not surprised."

Apparently, it wasn't drugs and alcohol that ultimately forced the former Lois & Clark star to break off their union, but McCready's manipulative, dishonest behavior. "She was never abusive or addictive with me, but red flags were everywhere," he tells the magazine. "I saw all the bad signs and told her to get out." To escape the situation, he had to leave his own home for a hotel. "Everything she did was a manipulation of sorts. She would just get combative."

You've been split up for fifteen years. She died five days ago. You couldn't wait to trash her to the press? What about a simple, "My thoughts are with her children at this terrible time?"

[Sharnita]

It is possible she put him through hell.  I feel badly for her kids but I feel badly for everyone who tried to help and love her and suffered as a result.  I don't know what she siad or did to him and I don't know what pain or scars he still bears.  If I recall he was on a tv show with Chirs Kyle who just died tragically.  Then this happened.  Ideally he would have said something different but then ideally she would be alive and wouldn't have hurt the people she loved.

[TurtleDove]

POD to Sharnita.  I don't see how what he said was trashing her.

[oceanus]

I think that regardless of veracity, Dean’s remarks were in very poor taste.  I’m not saying he should be a hypocrite or throw praise at someone who he doesn’t feel deserves it, but he should have said less and worded it differently.

[audrey1962]

I think that when we lose a loved one, especially from suicide, we're not always thinking straight. I try not to judge those who have lost someone.

[Amava]

I think you have to be very careful believing what words the media put into someone's mouth.
Take it with a kilo of salt.

[TurtleDove]

I also think this is the important part:

As for McCready's sons, Cain is heartbroken. "My first thought was of the poor kids. To think about the legacy those boys have been left, it's just tragic. ... All her troubles were self-inflicted. She had everything. She was a tremendous talent but everything about it was a waste."

The bolded is spot on.  I believe suicide is incredibly selfish.  There is no way to sugarcoat what she did.

[Twik]

I wonder if the remarks are those he sent out, or a rather unprepared response on having a reporter call him and ask for comments? If they were deliberately released, I would consider them very poor taste. But if he got a call from a reporter, who got him reminiscing in an unguarded way about a girl he'd once loved, they're less offensive.

[Dalek]

As long as Cain isn't telling her family to stop grieving and expecting her mom to hate her, I think he's fine. He probably should have declined the interview though.

[TurtleDove]

I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

[cross_patch]

I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

That is frankly offensive to me. People do not generally commit suicide because they 'want someone to notice them and say nice things about them'.

[Sharnita]

I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

That is frankly offensive to me. People do not generally commit suicide because they 'want someone to notice them and say nice things about them'.

I think that people might imagine how people will react "when I am gone".  I also think that OP has had very real and personal experience with this topic that informs her views, as many of us might.  Somebody else might have views that are shaped by their own experiences.

[oceanus]

I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

Who was "honoring" Mindy McCready, and who was "honoring" suicide?  

The issue is "Is it okay to give an interview trashing someone who just died that you had a relationship with 15 yrs ago?"

[AustenFan]

So it's now universally agreed he was trashing her? That's a heck of an interesting assumption, Oceanus.

[oceanus]

So it's now universally agreed he was trashing her? That's a heck of an interesting assumption, Oceanus.

I don't know what you mean by "universally" agreed.  I said it; I wasn't speaking for the universe.  I'm not that powerful.

Yes, *I* feel he trashed her.