"Let's celebrate your birthday at a place you can't eat anything." Update p 50

[kudeebee]

Not necessarily rude, but pushy and thoughtless.
She should have asked what date worked for you.  "We're available x, t, z days, which of those would work for you?"
She should ask what restaurants you would like to go to and then pick from one of those.

Good for your dh for having your back in his conversation with his mom.  Hope you can come to a happy solution!

[cicero]

I think the date is pushy. the  reataurant (in your case) is rude IMHO. it's ***your*** birthday. it is ridiculous to take a vegetarian to a brazlian /festival of meat place. this is not *just* a restaurant that specilizes in meat, my experience has been that the servers walk around with mega skewers and trays of meats/sausages/steak all night long. As a former/sometimes vegetarian, I wouldn't have a problem eating in a regular restaurant (so long as they have some vegetarian options), but i would probably be bothered by platter after platter of sizzling steaks going by all.night.long

[SPuck]

So, I have a hard time deciding if her insistence is impolite, cluelessness, or stubbornness.

She is all of those and more things I can't mention on an etiquette board. Even if she isn't aware of her scheduling tendencies she knows about your diet. I would say cut her off at the pass and call her out on this. This is beyond someone who makes oblivious mistakes.

[MrTango]

I don't think she was rude to suggest the date or the place.  Thoughtless, certainly, but not rude.

You are, as with any invitation, free to decline.

If you are going to decline (I would) then you should let your DH know as soon as possible so he can relay that to his mother.

[daen]

Celebration on the actual birthday as a fait accompli: I could let this go if, and only if, there is a longstanding tradition that there is a family supper on The Actual Day. Otherwise, rude.

Suggesting the Festival of Meat restaurant to a vegetarian (under any circumstances): thoughtless, but not necessarily rude.

Insisting on the Festival of Meat restaurant after the Guest of Honour indicates it's unsuitable for any reason: rude.

[RedRuby]

Wow. Your mother in law sounds very, um, interesting  Sounds like you have your hands full with her! Glad to hear your Dude has your back!

[CakeBeret]

I adore churrasciarias, but they are simply not the ideal place for a vegetarian. It's meat-centric and very "in your face" meaty goodness. They do have a salad bar, but for goodness' sake, who wants to be restricted to a limited salad bar while everyone else has a full meal, on their birthday?!

Shoot, for my own birthday dinners, I make sure to choose a place that is GF-friendly for my mom. I would in no way attempt to take her to a place where, say, everything is flour-battered for her birthday.

[BeagleMommy]

Your MIL was rude on two fronts.  You don't say to someone "I'm taking you out on this date".  You would ask "What date would you like to go out for your birthday?".

There are a lot of restaurants I've been anxious to try.  Not all of them are appropriate for all the people in my life.  Example, my dad will not eat anything Asian.  He just won't.  Taking him to the great Thai restaurant we discovered would be an exercise in futility because he would be looking for "steak and french fries" on the menu.  That is his standard dining out meal.  He's a creature of habit and, at his age, is not going to change.

OP, I wonder if your MIL is like some of my older aunts.  They consider "meat" to mean "beef".  Therefore you should be able to eat chicken, right?  That's not "meat" in their estimation.

[Jones]

Perhaps she is confused because you say "no meat" but eat fish, which is a type of meat. She might interpret that as "sometimes eats meat." Even if she doesn't understand pesco-vegetarian, though, she's definitely rude to push after DH's first objection.

[Kimberami]

OP, I wonder if your MIL is like some of my older aunts.  They consider "meat" to mean "beef".  Therefore you should be able to eat chicken, right?  That's not "meat" in their estimation.

Ever watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding?  "What do you mean he don't eat no meat?  That's okay.  I make lamb."     If it were anyone else's birthday, I'd call the restaurant or look on line for the menu so I would know my options before hand.  If it were my birthday, I'd feel very hurt by the restaurant choice. 

[LeveeWoman]

More than rude, the mother in law sounds controlling to me.

I wouldn't eat dinner with her.

[fluffy]

I'd go one step further: I wouldn't pick a restaurant for someone else's birthday dinner. Even if it was their favorite restaurant and I knew they could eat everything on the menu.

It's a celebration of them. Which means that they should get final approval of the date and restaurant.

I might suggest a place, but I would never pick one outright.

[Sharnita]

I tend to offer 3 or 4 options to give a "range" and then the other person picks from there.

[Mikayla]

I agree with everyone else on both counts, but I guess I'm the only vegetarian to love churrascaria!  I was a lifelong veggie until about 6 months ago, and every time I visited family in Dallas, I begged them to take me to Texas de Brazil.  Maybe it depends on the restaurant, but every time I ate there I had to be wheeled out on a stretcher.  That salad bar isn't your typical salad bar by any stretch.

Anyway, just thought I'd mention that.  It would be poetic justice if she did this to be rude or crass, and it turned out to be one of your favorite places.

[magicdomino]

Mikayla, it definitely depends on the restaurant.  The Brazilian churrascaria (AKA the MEAT! restaurant) near me had excellent meat, but the salad bar was rather sad.  I think the iceburg lettuce was crisp . . .