Not a "real" family member?!!?

[Giggity]

Ignore it.

[PeterM]

How awful of them. I suspect that like some Previous posters have suggested this might be about having to  "Share" the estate. Which is of course silly on their part. Of course they were your grandparents.

Op has stated that there is no estate.

Doesn't mean no one's jockeying for position to ensure they get something important to them. Family heirlooms, cookbooks, knick-knacks that hold special sentimental value, anything at all can bring the long knives out in these situations.

Given the idiocy of the comments in question, I'm guessing someone thinks there are billions in Nazi gold at stake and doesn't want to share.

[iridaceae]

As Dean Winchester would say "just because you're not blood doesn't mean you're not family."  Seriously though these are the type if people who, if your mother had been a half-sister would be forever saying half-sister. Unless she wins the lottery. Then they'll magically be calling her sister.

[Redneck Gravy]

I am sorry this happened to you, it's just a horrible blow. 

I was raised by my grandmother and her husband.  When grandma died I was helping Grandad clean up their home so he could be comfortable without a hospital bed in the living room and all the meds/medical supplies right there on his living room table.  Something even a stranger would do to help out.   

An aunt made the comment that I "shouldn't be doing this because I was a grandchild and not even his..." and not in a complimentary tone.  We are still estranged and she has never apologized to me, it's been 20 years. 

[Twik]

How awful of them. I suspect that like some Previous posters have suggested this might be about having to  "Share" the estate. Which is of course silly on their part. Of course they were your grandparents.

Op has stated that there is no estate.

Doesn't mean no one's jockeying for position to ensure they get something important to them. Family heirlooms, cookbooks, knick-knacks that hold special sentimental value, anything at all can bring the long knives out in these situations.

Given the idiocy of the comments in question, I'm guessing someone thinks there are billions in Nazi gold at stake and doesn't want to share.

I don't think it's necessarily things - it may be that they're staking out what they consider emotional rights. "We're the real family here," may mean "we're the ones who are entitled to sympathy, as well the ones entitled to 'control' the grieving (such as making funeral arrangements, giving eulogies, etc."

[Calistoga]

Last year my step sister was killed in a car accident, and I was devastated. This girl had been in my life, as a sister, since I was 9. During the memorial time, some people muttered that she wasn't my "Real" sister, which was ridiculous and hurtful.

I don't know why people are dumb enough to say stuff like that. Ignore it. You know your grief is real.

[cutejellybeen]

I am so sorry for your loss OP. Its amazing the things people say that they either don't think would be hurtful, or are just plain mean about to be hurtful.

As someone who is adopted myself, I'd be heartbroken to find out that some family members didnt consider me to be a 'real' family member.  I have however had to deal with some people(and family) who seem to think that because I have brothers from my fathers second marriage that they are not 'really' my brothers as they are only 'half' siblings. Well those people were told very quickly that my siblings were in fact my REAL brothers, as even at 13 and 15 yrs difference in age we were all a family. to tell me they werent real, was akin (in my mind) to saying my oldest younger brother wasnt really my brother either as I had lived for 6 years before he was born.

A good friend of mine asked to say goodbye to her ailing grandmother in private (as other grandkids had done) and was told she wasnt allowed as she wasnt family. Just plain hurtful.

I hope you are able to get through this hard time, and afterwards just remember that not considering you and your mom real family is THEIR loss. Not yours.

[gramma dishes]

...

A good friend of mine asked to say goodbye to her ailing grandmother in private (as other grandkids had done) and was told she wasnt allowed as she wasnt family. Just plain hurtful.

I certainly hope someone stepped in to dispel that particular notion very quickly.  I had no idea some people still had that ridiculous 'blood' concept of "family".  I thought that kind of thinking went out about 1940 or so.  I'd have been very careful to explain that I was the "most" family of all because I (or in this case my parent) was the one who was specifically and deliberately chosen!

[Sharnita]

my guess is that the people who say those kinds of things are the ones who are likely to find ways to devalue other family members, as well.  "Well yes she cared for Grandma the last 5 years but she is just a daughter-in-law" or "You know he never finished high school, right?  Such a shame." In their minds they are the ones who matter most and they will look for any evidence they believe supports that theory.