I'm sure this has been discussed before, and I see it all the time on another baby-related site, but here is my situation and question:
I'm a soon to be second time mom. I have a girl and am having a girl. Based on this, I had no desire for a second *anything*, not a shower, not a sprinkle, nothing. I figure, if my closest friends and family would like to get me something or something special for the baby, they will do so, without a party. That's what I figured was the right thing to do, and that's what *feels* right to me.
DH is a teacher at a small school. Two other teachers (female) are expecting around when I am. One is having her 1st, one, her 3rd. The staff threw a combined "shower/sprinkle" and included both female teachers AND DH, and we were generously given items for our new baby (due soon.)
DH then asked if my sister was going to throw me a shower or sprinkle. (Note: he always likes to pick on my sister--long story short, she married a man who makes a lot of money and he is very jealous of them, because he doesn't make much money, and feels like they should be more generous towards us; I feel like their money is their money and if money mattered THAT much to DH he shouldn't have become a teacher since that's not the way to make a big pile of cash. But I digress).
I told him no, and that because this is our second child--and our second daughter and DD is only 2--there is no reason for another shower. That showers welcome a woman to motherhood and I've already gotten my welcome. (I had a nice shower for my first, thrown by my BFF and my sis.) I also reminded him that (1) we didn't do anything for my sis when she had child #2 (girls all around there too; I threw her first (only) shower) and (2) my BFF asked if I wanted a sprinkle and I declined.
He seemed upset that I wasn't getting another shower, even given the circumstances I just listed. I reminded him that the only times I've been to "repeat" showers were when there was some sort of unusual circumstance--for example, a friend's husband decided that cheating on her and divorcing her was a great idea while she was pregnant. A sprinkle was thrown for her more to show her our support than anything else. She was having a 2nd boy and if she'd had a sprinkle otherwise, I would've skipped it.
Another common circumstance I see is when it's a different gender OR a different parent from the previous child (or both). I don't know what the etiquette is on this, but I've gone to these.
I think he was upset primarily because I recently attended--and for one, co-hosted--two baby showers for first time moms in our social circle at church. I think he didn't like seeing me do so much for others and not see me get anything in return. (The one I hosted with some friends was a ridiculously large gathering--I had no say over the guest list and would not have offered to help had I known, but that's another story). I see where he's coming from, but as far as I'm concerned, the fact that DH got a sprinkle himself was more than I'd anticipated and I feel grateful for what we were unexpectedly given.
So, ehellions, what IS the right time--if ever--to have a 2nd shower (or sprinkle)? Is my DH off in left field, or am I?