My husband thinks this way, to an extent. It's not so much jealousy as counting favors and keeping reciprocity at the forefront of his mind. It's an interesting point of difference in us. I just like doing things for folks - helping out as I can - and, as long as they show appreciation, I really don't think about how much they do for me. DH is much more mindful of the reciprocity of relationships
. It has taken me some time to get used to looking at things that way, but I have found that it helps my friendships to see when my friends may be feeling an imbalance because of the help that I've given and to back off on the doing favors until they've had a chance to reciprocate a bit.
DH and I are pretty self-sufficient (we do stuff for ourselves, too
), so there aren't as many opportunities for our friends to help us out. We bank up favors faster than we use them. This doesn't bug me; it's not why I help people out. But I know that it can be stressful for the folks on the other side of that debt, so it's something to keep in mind.
People who never reciprocate (or do, but with a... let's call it... less than neutral attitude) really shouldn't be getting many favors. It's an unbalanced relationship
. It's a recipe for resentment.
OP, I don't think this is so much about a second shower for your DH as it is being sure that others are showing you the appreciation that you deserve for having gone the extra mile for them. It's nice that your DH is looking out for you in that way. I think that you can reassure him that you don't want them to reciprocate by throwing you a shower. Reciprocity is about giving the help that is needed, not the exact same help back. (If you help a buddy build a deck, does he have to wait for you to build a deck before he can return the favor or could he help you pour a new driveway?)
Some favors go longer before being repaid or are repaid in vastly different ways. It sounds like your DH may have a different scale than you do for how or how long it should take for a favor to be repaid/balance be restored in a relationship
. It's worth a discussion, if only so that he doesn't take to resenting your friends for not reciprocating.
When I'm doing favors for friends these days, the primary parenting duties for our kids fall on my DH. What he does is very much a part of me being able to do these favors. If that's the case in your family as well, you might consider that your DH has a stake in seeing the favors you are giving being repaid.