Vegetarian Question

[Poppea]

Lets say that you are a vegetarian by choice.  You eat fish, eggs & dairy.  Your friend who is not a vegetarian has invited 3 couples over for dinner.  The hostess is offering a salad and appetizers you can eat.  Would it be polite to:

1.  Bring a separate entree for yourself. (lets say the others are getting grilled hamburgers, and you bring fish to be grilled)

2.  Bring a vegetarian entree that others can also share if they desire.

Are both choices polite?  Does anyone thing #1 is rude?  #2?  Lets assume the hostess is uber polite and would not tell you that she minded either option even if she was actually steamed about it.

[Sharnita]

#2 sounds good but I suspect that is because I am craving both a burger and salmon right now.

[SiotehCat]

I don't mean to be critical here, but someone who eats fish is not a vegetarian. They are a pescetarian.

Also, I think both of those choices would be rude. I wouldn't say anything, because salad and appetizers is (to me) plenty. If I had to pick one of those choices for whatever reason, I would ask the hostess if she was okay with choice #1.

If the hostess was fine with me bringing something for myself, I would bring something very similar to what everyone else was having. So, if everyone is having burgers, I would bring veggie burger patties.

[bansidhe]

If you eat fish, you aren't a vegetarian.

However, I would go for option 3: Let your hostess know you are a vegetarian and ask her if she would prefer if you go with option 1 or 2. Perhaps she'd rather come up with a veggie dish herself, though.

[Poppea]

I don't mean to be critical here, but someone who eats fish is not a vegetarian. They are a pescetarian.

Also, I think both of those choices would be rude. I wouldn't say anything, because salad and appetizers is (to me) plenty. If I had to pick one of those choices for whatever reason, I would ask the hostess if she was okay with choice #1.

If the hostess was fine with me bringing something for myself, I would bring something very similar to what everyone else was having. So, if everyone is having burgers, I would bring veggie burger patties.

I'm am calling the guest a vegetarian only because that is what she calls herself. I would not consider anyone who dislikes meat but eats fish a vegetarian myself.

[gollymolly2]

I think the host should ask whether the guests have any dietary concerns, and that opens the door for the vegetarian/pescetarian/whatever to mention her issue and offer to bring something. When the host doesn't ask, I think the guests options are to decline or attend and hope she can eat something.

Having said that, I think that really only applies in more formal settings or dinners with acquaintances. If a good friend invited me to dinner, I'd just ask something like "do you mind if I bring some x to grill since I don't eat y?"

[Judah]

If I'm the host, I provide a vegetarian meal for my guest. If I'm the guest, I pick choice #3: I let my host know that I'm a vegetarian and ask her what her preference is.

[Aeris]

Do you have any idea if the host knows she's a pescetarian?

I generally think the host should be asking about dietary restrictions, and planning an alternate main course for the pescetarian from the outset. But if for some reason she doesn't know, or forgets to ask, I think the it's reasonable for the guest to let her know and perhaps say "I'm perfectly fine with the salad and appetizer only, but if you'd like me to bring a veggie burger to be grilled along with the burgers I'd be more than happy to".

I wouldn't just show up with an alternate in tow unless it was a good friend of mine where I knew this would be cool.

[Deetee]

I think it is fine for a vegeterian to offer to bring their own meal. I think it is fine for the host to make a veggie meal.

As host, I would be comfy making a vegetarian meal for most people, but some people are stricter than others and I wouldn't want to mess with their diet, so they can bring their own food.

[*inviteseller]

If I were the hostess and knew one of my guests could only eat an appetizer & salad, while the other guests ate a full meal, I would be uncomfortable.  Most people will tell me what is going to be planned and if it looks like i will get just a side or salad, I will also offer to bring something for my main course, but will also bring enough for all to have some if they want.  If that is turned down (OH, you don't have to, there's plenty of food here!) I just decline the invitation.  I chose to eat this way and I am not pushy about it , but if I am going to be the only one not getting the 'meal', it can be awkward with both guest and hostess feeling weird.  Nothing like everyone leaning back and saying their full while all you can think about is going home and making some pasta & veggies!

[Winterlight]

If I'm the host, I provide a vegetarian meal for my guest. If I'm the guest, I pick choice #3: I let my host know that I'm a vegetarian and ask her what her preference is.

This. As a hostess, I want to serve my guests a full meal. As a guest, I want to be able to eat a full meal.

[blarg314]

I would go with option

3) have a snack before the dinner, and eat what you can at the dinner.

1) is appropriate if you know the hosts well enough to know that they won't mind this, *and* you ask before hand.

1) is also appropriate for extreme food restrictions, where even if the host tried to make food to suit your diet you couldn't risk eating eat (you keep strict kosher, for example, or you have extreme sensitivities/allergies which make cross contamination  serious issue, or involve ingredients that are ubiquitous and very hard to screen out.

Definitely don't decide you're going to force the hosts to hold a potluck instead of a hosted dinner party, showing up with enough food to disrupt the menu they've planned.

I would say that an 8 person dinner party is getting to the size where the hosts can't necessarily accommodate the dietary restrictions and decisions of all the guests at the same time. They've got something you can eat, even if you can't eat everything.

[Aeris]

I would go with option

3) have a snack before the dinner, and eat what you can at the dinner.

1) is appropriate if you know the hosts well enough to know that they won't mind this, *and* you ask before hand.

1) is also appropriate for extreme food restrictions, where even if the host tried to make food to suit your diet you couldn't risk eating eat (you keep strict kosher, for example, or you have extreme sensitivities/allergies which make cross contamination  serious issue, or involve ingredients that are ubiquitous and very hard to screen out.

Definitely don't decide you're going to force the hosts to hold a potluck instead of a hosted dinner party, showing up with enough food to disrupt the menu they've planned.

I would say that an 8 person dinner party is getting to the size where the hosts can't necessarily accommodate the dietary restrictions and decisions of all the guests at the same time. They've got something you can eat, even if you can't eat everything.

Unless there are a multitude of conflicting or extreme dietary restrictions among those 8 people, I really don't think it's too much to ask. And I do not actually think it is sufficient hosting to offer 5 guests 3 course meals, and offer 1 guest only salad and an appetizer. And *particularly* in this situation, there is a shockingly easy remedy. Throwing a veggie burger on the grill is about as easy as a substitution can get.

Each person does not need to be able to eat every single dish, but if they can't eat an entire course, that's not okay. The host really either needs an alternate main course for that guest, or have multiple dishes in a course - like a plate of ribs and a cheese lasagna. The guest wouldn't be able to eat the ribs, obviously, but they'd be able to eat something reasonable in the main course.

I'm hosting a brunch next week for 7 people, and I need to accommodate my vegetarian self and my celiac friend and I don't find the menu planning to be that onerous. She won't be able to eat every single dish (nor will I), but she'll certainly be able to have something in every course.

[snowdragon]

Lets say that you are a vegetarian by choice.  You eat fish, eggs & dairy.  Your friend who is not a vegetarian has invited 3 couples over for dinner.  The hostess is offering a salad and appetizers you can eat.  Would it be polite to:

1.  Bring a separate entree for yourself. (lets say the others are getting grilled hamburgers, and you bring fish to be grilled)

2.  Bring a vegetarian entree that others can also share if they desire.

Are both choices polite?  Does anyone thing #1 is rude?  #2?  Lets assume the hostess is uber polite and would not tell you that she minded either option even if she was actually steamed about it.

neither would be polite. both are telling the hostess that you find her hospitality lacking, even before you experience it.  And many people will not want you grilling fish on their grill.

Your options are to decline the invite or eat before hand and have what you can of the offerings.   

[jmarvellous]

I would not do either. I am so used to filling up on sides or eating later (14 years vegetarian, hate when people assume that means I ear fish!) that I've never felt compelled to say, "Accommodate me!" so in many words (or so few). I would especially not dream of saying I'd bring a whole secondary entree!