Vegetarian Question

[mbbored]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

[snowdragon]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

[cicero]

Lets say that you are a vegetarian by choice.  You eat fish, eggs & dairy.  Your friend who is not a vegetarian has invited 3 couples over for dinner.  The hostess is offering a salad and appetizers you can eat.  Would it be polite to:

1.  Bring a separate entree for yourself. (lets say the others are getting grilled hamburgers, and you bring fish to be grilled)

2.  Bring a vegetarian entree that others can also share if they desire.

Are both choices polite?  Does anyone thing #1 is rude?  #2?  Lets assume the hostess is uber polite and would not tell you that she minded either option even if she was actually steamed about it.

neither choice is polite, in fact I find them both rude. You don't *bring* anything. You mention to the host that you didn't eat meat or chicken or anything cooked with those items or whatever your dietary restrictions are. You can at that point *offer* to bring a veg entree to share.

I don't think it matters if the guest is 'vegetarian by choice' or for other reason (medical, religious).at this moment they *are* vegetarian.

As a host, I would much prefer that a guest alerts me ahead of time that they are vegetarian or other restrictions so I can accommodate them.I would prefer to have *something*to give them to eat, and not just apps and bread while the rest of us are feasting on steak...

[sweetonsno]

Lets say that you are a vegetarian by choice.  You eat fish, eggs & dairy.  Your friend who is not a vegetarian has invited 3 couples over for dinner.  The hostess is offering a salad and appetizers you can eat.  Would it be polite to:

1.  Bring a separate entree for yourself. (lets say the others are getting grilled hamburgers, and you bring fish to be grilled)

2.  Bring a vegetarian entree that others can also share if they desire.

Are both choices polite?  Does anyone thing #1 is rude?  #2?  Lets assume the hostess is uber polite and would not tell you that she minded either option even if she was actually steamed about it.

Unless the guest has discussed it with the hosts, both options would be rude. The guest should clear it with the hosts before bringing something to the meal (unless of course it is a potluck). Before bringing something (either for him/herself or to share), a guest should ask and find out from the hosts whether or not they should bring one serving or more than one serving.

Generally speaking, though, I would vote against bringing your own entree, especially if there will be plenty for you to eat.

[Aeris]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

Wait, I just need to clarify. You'd never invite someone again if they said "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?". Do I understand you correctly?

[snowdragon]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

Wait, I just need to clarify. You'd never invite someone again if they said "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?". Do I understand you correctly?

They are telling me they can't trust me to feed them and find my hospitality lacking enough that they have to do either bring their own meal or eat before, they don't need to be burdened by my poor hospitality.   Especially since I have not committed any faux pas by issuing an invite - if someone does not trust me enough to allow me to ask about restrictions but makes the point of letting me know that they would prefer to either bring something to my table or eat before hand - then they don't trust me enough to be able comfortable in my home. The entire premise of that tactic is pretty insulting to the host.

  I eat vegetarian two or three times a week, I am not incapable of making a vegetarian meal...but the assumption that I can't or won't is insulting.   The hose sets the menu - guests don't over ride that by bringing over their own food.  OR would it be OK for me to bring a meat entree to a vegetarian home? If the answer is no for the meat eater, then it should be no for the vegetarian.
 

[NyaChan]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

Wait, I just need to clarify. You'd never invite someone again if they said "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?". Do I understand you correctly?

They are telling me they can't trust me to feed them and find my hospitality lacking enough that they have to do either bring their own meal or eat before, they don't need to be burdened by my poor hospitality.   Especially since I have not committed any faux pas by issuing an invite - if someone does not trust me enough to allow me to ask about restrictions but makes the point of letting me know that they would prefer to either bring something to my table or eat before hand - then they don't trust me enough to be able comfortable in my home. The entire premise of that tactic is pretty insulting to the host.
 

That's a fairly uncharitable way of thinking about this.  I think this tactic is meant to be used for hosts who may not think to ask whether someone has a dietary restriction rather than someone who planned to ask anyways - if all hosts actually checked about this, we wouldn't have so many threads about problems at dinner parties with dietary restrictions.  The offer to bring food is to avoid the appearance that the prospective guest is demanding accommodation when the host may not want to do it, not to imply that a host is incapable of cooking with that restriction or untrustworthy.  I do agree though, that offering to eat beforehand goes too far in that direction.  I don't think asking, "I'm vegetarian/can't eat various things - would it be easier for you if I brought a dish to share?" is bad though.

[MariaE]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

That seems like huge overreaction to me.

[petal]

I've invited vegetarians to dinner before.  i knew before hand they were and looked upon it as an interesting challenge

Im not an inspiring or inventive cook so really had to rack my brain on what to make. 

really really loved the challenge

[gollymolly2]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

Wait, I just need to clarify. You'd never invite someone again if they said "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?". Do I understand you correctly?

They are telling me they can't trust me to feed them and find my hospitality lacking enough that they have to do either bring their own meal or eat before, they don't need to be burdened by my poor hospitality.   Especially since I have not committed any faux pas by issuing an invite - if someone does not trust me enough to allow me to ask about restrictions but makes the point of letting me know that they would prefer to either bring something to my table or eat before hand - then they don't trust me enough to be able comfortable in my home. The entire premise of that tactic is pretty insulting to the host.

  I eat vegetarian two or three times a week, I am not incapable of making a vegetarian meal...but the assumption that I can't or won't is insulting.   The hose sets the menu - guests don't over ride that by bringing over their own food.  OR would it be OK for me to bring a meat entree to a vegetarian home? If the answer is no for the meat eater, then it should be no for the vegetarian.
 

Oh brother.

[Miss Unleaded]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

Sometimes you can't win though.  I've had the situation where someone got upset at me for not telling them in advance I was vegetarian.

[Miss Unleaded]

They are telling me they can't trust me to feed them and find my hospitality lacking enough that they have to do either bring their own meal or eat before, they don't need to be burdened by my poor hospitality.   Especially since I have not committed any faux pas by issuing an invite - if someone does not trust me enough to allow me to ask about restrictions but makes the point of letting me know that they would prefer to either bring something to my table or eat before hand - then they don't trust me enough to be able comfortable in my home. The entire premise of that tactic is pretty insulting to the host.

  I eat vegetarian two or three times a week, I am not incapable of making a vegetarian meal...but the assumption that I can't or won't is insulting.   The hose sets the menu - guests don't over ride that by bringing over their own food.  OR would it be OK for me to bring a meat entree to a vegetarian home? If the answer is no for the meat eater, then it should be no for the vegetarian.
 

You're putting the worst possible spin on it you could.  It's not a statement about your cooking, it's the guest trying to give you important information without the appearance of imposing on your hospitality.  They are offering to make your life a bit easier and let you know that they want your company and don't want to put you to any more trouble.

[audrey1962]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

Wait, I just need to clarify. You'd never invite someone again if they said "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?". Do I understand you correctly?

They are telling me they can't trust me to feed them and find my hospitality lacking enough that they have to do either bring their own meal or eat before, they don't need to be burdened by my poor hospitality.   Especially since I have not committed any faux pas by issuing an invite - if someone does not trust me enough to allow me to ask about restrictions but makes the point of letting me know that they would prefer to either bring something to my table or eat before hand - then they don't trust me enough to be able comfortable in my home. The entire premise of that tactic is pretty insulting to the host.

  I eat vegetarian two or three times a week, I am not incapable of making a vegetarian meal...but the assumption that I can't or won't is insulting.   The hose sets the menu - guests don't over ride that by bringing over their own food.  OR would it be OK for me to bring a meat entree to a vegetarian home? If the answer is no for the meat eater, then it should be no for the vegetarian.
 

And if the hostess doesn't ask about restrictions, then what?

[Zilla]

Neither, if I was the hostess in question, I would provide the fish or entree to grill.  I don't think either one is rude but I love to cook so it would be fun for me to find a recipe and make it.  If I was the guest, I would offer option number 2 but if declined, I would be fine with the salad and appetizers.

[Zilla]

I said it in the previous thread, but it bears repeating.

I've been a vegetarian (except for the occasional piece of locally caught fresh fish) for almost 20 years. When I'm invited to a meal, I say, "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?" I always get one of three answers:

1) "Don't worry about it! I've got a yummy vegetarian dish for you."
2) "Ooh, I'd love it if you could bring something to share. I was going to grill some steaks: do you have something that might go well with baked potatoes and creamed spinach?" (P.S. My goat cheese stuffed portabellas are amazing)
OR
3) "Hmm, I was planning on my great grandmother's signature 3 meat lasagna with prosciutto as an appetizer and bacon ice cream for dessert. But if you'd still like to come hang out, you're welcome to!"

It gives the host the chance to decide how comfortable they are with a vegetarian guest (and an easy out if the answer is "not at all") and I know that I'm going to have enough to eat, one way or the other.

I would consider  rude and likely never issue another invite.

Wait, I just need to clarify. You'd never invite someone again if they said "I'd love to come! Since I'm a vegetarian, would you like me to bring a dish to share or should I eat something before hand?". Do I understand you correctly?

They are telling me they can't trust me to feed them and find my hospitality lacking enough that they have to do either bring their own meal or eat before, they don't need to be burdened by my poor hospitality.   Especially since I have not committed any faux pas by issuing an invite - if someone does not trust me enough to allow me to ask about restrictions but makes the point of letting me know that they would prefer to either bring something to my table or eat before hand - then they don't trust me enough to be able comfortable in my home. The entire premise of that tactic is pretty insulting to the host.

  I eat vegetarian two or three times a week, I am not incapable of making a vegetarian meal...but the assumption that I can't or won't is insulting.   The hose sets the menu - guests don't over ride that by bringing over their own food.  OR would it be OK for me to bring a meat entree to a vegetarian home? If the answer is no for the meat eater, then it should be no for the vegetarian.
 

The OP said the guest already knows there will only be a salad and appetizers and not the main entree.  Problem here is that a meat eater can eat from both dishes where as a vegetarian cannot.  If as a hostess you don't wish to provide an entree to your guest, I think that is rude.