s/o Sharing an appetizer - What about dessert?

[citadelle]

Who pays for it in that case, though?

Whomever eats it, I would assume. In any case, the cost couldn't be too great since it is only a slice of cake. If I ended up paying for it, it wouldn't bother me, but I am sure MMV.

[PastryGoddess]

I've always had the waiter ask if extra forks are needed if they ask at all.  I simply pipe up and say no thank you, so the whole restaurant table can hear.   

[LadyR]

I generally go out for dinner with my DH and/or my bff and honestly if we get desert, we will usually share. I also have a toddler who demands a share. I have encountered the extra forks brught, though usually they are just piled on the table, in case other people want a bite or the meal is intended to be shared. Unless we are sharing, the extra fork doesn't get picked up. MY husband will often order desert when I'm full and if he does and the waitress brings an extra fork, I just leave it on the table unless he invites me to try a bite. With someone I wasn't married to, I'd decline even if they did offer.

[starry diadem]

Quote trimmed

If a waiter presumed to hand every person at the table a utensil and announce that MY dessert is up for grabs, his tip just went down drastically. I will politely correct him and tell the rest if they want a dessert to order their own.

If a waiter presumed to hand every person at the table a utensil and announce that MY dessert is up for grabs, his tip would be non-existent and he would be told why. The rude presumption would annoy me no end: no one comes between me and dessert

[katycoo]

If we order a dish to share, whether its a starter or dessert, I expressly tell the waiter as suchso they know how to serve it.  With dessert usually, I also order the extra fork as cutlery is not usually already set out.

[jaxsue]

When I lived in NE NJ I loved the desserts at a certain place. They had these wonderful beignets, covered in powdered sugar, and served with dipping sauces. You had to beg people to help eat them, because there were so many.

But a piece of pie? Not the same thing, IMO.

I have had several waiters bring extra forks with my dessert, "just in case." 

[PastryGoddess]

When I lived in NE NJ I loved the desserts at a certain place. They had these wonderful beignets, covered in powdered sugar, and served with dipping sauces. You had to beg people to help eat them, because there were so many.

But a piece of pie? Not the same thing, IMO.

I have had several waiters bring extra forks with my dessert, "just in case."

Maybe they thought you wanted to eat it with two hands 

[Mikayla]

Very thoughtful!   However, these forks aren't, usually, placed unobtrusively to the side like that - they're put down at each person's plate with a grand announcement that the diner's going to share, so they'll definitely want a fork to make it easier to get some!
 

I disagree on the above, at least in my experience.  Back when I was a waitress, I routinely provided forks, but I never saw it as a mandate to share.  It was just a convenience in case someone wanted to share.  And now my experience is more the forks are placed in the middle of the table.  I do think it would be presumptuous to place a fork by each person.

Also, I'm like JenJay in that I see apps more as sharing than desserts.  That's because I see a social aspect to apps (sitting around chatting and waiting for the "real" food to show up).  With desserts, even if someone doesn't order one, it's common to get coffee or an after dinner drink, so you don't have someone all alone noshing up a storm.

[secretrebel]

You know it's weird but this post reminds me that I have never had this happen to me and I've eaten out a lot.

Same here. I find it weird that it's happening to Dotty often enough to bother her because it has really never happened to me.

Actually I was at a restaurant yesterday and ordered mini donuts for dessert (and coffee) and my friend ordered just coffee. Donuts arrived in my place, a cup of coffee arrived in each place and I nommed down all the donuts. (Bwahahaha)!

I don't know what I'd do if the waiter announced we were sharing but I think I might be surprised enough to respond "(e)Hell NO!" and protect my precious donuts like a dog with a bone.

[Drunken Housewife]

To back up Dotty:  it has happened many times to me that I ate at a restaurant, one person at the table ordered dessert, and the waiter assumed we were sharing it and made remarks to that effect, putting down lots of spoons.

How it irks me (but it doesn't change my tip):  for the last two years I have been trying to eat healthily (I have lost 50 lbs), and I let my children order a dessert.  I would dearly love to eat a dessert, but I am denying myself the dessert for health reasons, but not denying the children that joy.  It makes it harder for me to maintain my discipline when the waiter puts the dessert smack in the middle of the table with lots of spoons, rather than in front of my child with one spoon.  I immediately push the dessert away from myself, but still, I'd rather not have to do that. 

[Minmom3]

I think, that if a waiter puts down the desert (where ever) on the table and announces that there are extra forks/spoons for sharing, that NOTHING is going to stop me from nipping it in the bud and telling the rest of the table that it ISN'T for sharing because I want it all.  I don't have to be nasty about it because I don't eat anything with people I have to be nasty about sharing or not sharing food.  I can be perfectly polite and still get the point across that it's all MINE.  I frequently do share desert, but that's my choice, and it's arranged between me and whoever I'm sharing it with that we are sharing, before it's ordered.  I'm not at the whim of my server, or the other people at the table.  I'm a grownup fully capable of choosing which desert I'm going to have, and how much of it I'm going to have.  The waiter gets NO say, regardless of his words or actions.   I can be far too passive in certain areas of my life, but sharing my food isn't one of them! 

[misha412]

I think, that if a waiter puts down the desert (where ever) on the table and announces that there are extra forks/spoons for sharing, that NOTHING is going to stop me from nipping it in the bud and telling the rest of the table that it ISN'T for sharing because I want it all.  I don't have to be nasty about it because I don't eat anything with people I have to be nasty about sharing or not sharing food.  I can be perfectly polite and still get the point across that it's all MINE.  I frequently do share desert, but that's my choice, and it's arranged between me and whoever I'm sharing it with that we are sharing, before it's ordered.  I'm not at the whim of my server, or the other people at the table.  I'm a grownup fully capable of choosing which desert I'm going to have, and how much of it I'm going to have.  The waiter gets NO say, regardless of his words or actions.   I can be far too passive in certain areas of my life, but sharing my food isn't one of them! 

Actually, when I am out to dinner with anyone, if we want an appetizer or dessert, we have a discussion about it before we place the order. That way we know what we are getting, who is sharing, and who wants to opt out. It makes it easier on everyone involved and we can convey the order cleanly to the waiter.

[jaxsue]

When I lived in NE NJ I loved the desserts at a certain place. They had these wonderful beignets, covered in powdered sugar, and served with dipping sauces. You had to beg people to help eat them, because there were so many.

But a piece of pie? Not the same thing, IMO.

I have had several waiters bring extra forks with my dessert, "just in case."

Maybe they thought you wanted to eat it with two hands 

Ha! That is possible. 

[WillyNilly]

Just the other day I went out to dinner with 4 friends. Two ordered fried ice cream, the rest of us each specficaly said "none for me" or "no thanks" to the waiter when theorder was placed. A minute or two later he put extra napkins and 5 spoons in the middle of the table. Then he came back with the two desserts.

For me, there's a few inherent differences to shared appetizers vs desserts. First off appetizers, at least the sharable kind, tend to be more finger food or easily divisable, whereas dessert is often utensil food. For me sharing utensil food has a much higher ick factor. But also with appetizers everyone is hungry, with dessert, some people have officialy declared their meal is over (by declining to order more food) while others have announced they are still hungry (by ordering dessert).

[Softly Spoken]

Just the other day I went out to dinner with 4 friends. Two ordered fried ice cream, the rest of us each specficaly said "none for me" or "no thanks" to the waiter when theorder was placed. A minute or two later he put extra napkins and 5 spoons in the middle of the table. Then he came back with the two desserts.

For me, there's a few inherent differences to shared appetizers vs desserts. First off appetizers, at least the sharable kind, tend to be more finger food or easily divisable, whereas dessert is often utensil food. For me sharing utensil food has a much higher ick factor. But also with appetizers everyone is hungry, with dessert, some people have officialy declared their meal is over (by declining to order more food) while others have announced they are still hungry (by ordering dessert).

Actually you reminded me of another point about desserts - many do not travel well. Someone who orders any dessert that involves ice cream probably isn't going to ask for a take home container if they can't finish it, so encouraging others to 'help' them eat it seems like a logical solution - or else the server is just taking a wasted puddle of melted ice cream back to the kitchen.