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Author Topic: Found my older 1/2 sister  (Read 1118 times)

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wonderfullyanonymous

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Found my older 1/2 sister
« on: May 12, 2018, 02:06:10 PM »
Well, maybe, anyway.

My mom, sometime in the early 60's, gave a baby girl up for adoption. She told me this while she was really drunk, so I am not even 100% sure she remembers telling me, she also told my younger sister, and she told my brother there was a secret.

When she told me, she said she said that she was dating a boy, and he told her "she would if he loved her" well, she got pregnant, and was told she had to give the baby up for adoption. She also told me she doesn't want to girl to find her.

Fast forward to Ancestry doing DNA testing. I thought it would be my chance to locate my sister if she did the DNA test, too. My brother had done it and he came out as a close family match. Finally, a few weeks ago, a name pops up as a close cousin. I'm the oldest of all of us, cousins included, and I know all my cousins, all 6 of them.

I sent her a message asking how old she was, knowing, if she was older, there was a good chance she was my sister. She came back with being given up for adoption when she was a baby and has never met any of her biological relatives.

I messaged my sister, and told her what I found out, and we are both excited to meet this stranger, who may be our older sister. My brother was a little hesitant at first, but from what my sister says, he wants to meet her also. We also, at least for now, have agreed not to tell mom. That will be on my sister and brother. I haven't talked to my mom in over 7 years, (this makes me a better person) and I have rarely ever talked to my brother.

So here's to hoping I am finally meeting the sister, that I found out existed, 20 or so years ago, who I wished for since I was a little kid.

gmatoy

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2018, 04:21:26 PM »
I certainly hope that she is your sister. I would have thought it would have shown her as a sibling, so what am I missing? Wandering off to think about genetics.

rose red

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2018, 04:30:34 PM »
I certainly hope that she is your sister. I would have thought it would have shown her as a sibling, so what am I missing? Wandering off to think about genetics.

Maybe it appears as a cousin instead of a sibling because they have different fathers ???. I could be wrong though.

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2018, 07:37:46 PM »
We have different fathers, that's why she showed up as a close cousin.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2018, 07:51:10 PM »
My daughter found me last year.  I had placed her up for adoption over 40 years ago.  She put her DNA through Ancestry, and that linked her to a cousin.  My sweet cousin diplomatically approached me (my daughter lives in another state, and my cousin thought she remembered that it was the same city and state I went to school in).

Anyway, it turned out beautifully.  I threw a big family party for both sides of my family to meet her and her family.  She has told me several times that the experience has exceeded her wishes, and I am planning to visit her next month.

May your familial reunion be every much as blessed as mine has been.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

Dazi

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2018, 07:56:08 PM »
I certainly hope that she is your sister. I would have thought it would have shown her as a sibling, so what am I missing? Wandering off to think about genetics.

Ancestry groups it's classifications of certain family members together. When you share a certain amount of centimorgans with a person, it can point to a number of relationships. They have no way of knowing what a specific relationship is past parent/child or full sibling. In the case of half-siblings, the same amount of dna is shared as would be between grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and double cousins
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2018, 08:31:44 AM »
We haven't talked in person yet, just a few emails, but I'm guessing she did the DNA test to find biological relatives. I don't know how many people out side my mom and her sisters know about the baby given up for adoption. My grandfather had a bit of clout, so to speak, at the time, so I know every thing was kept really hush hush.

From what she told my sister, all that is on her birth certificate is her name.

My brother and I are the only people in our immediate family that have done the DNA testing. Because she came in as a close relative/first cousin, there is a possibility that she is our mother's twin sister's daughter, but, again, because of how our grandparents were, there is no possible way to know for sure, unless my mom discounts that theory. My aunt died in 1987, so any secrets she had went to the grave with her. I could probably talk to my other aunt, but I don't want my cousin to know when we aren't sure either.

vintagegal

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2018, 10:38:28 AM »
This is one of the reasons I wanted to do the DNA test. (As it turns out, my sister is doing it). Our mom got married at 38, lived at home before that. We know she had at least one romantic relationship, possibly with a married man. I would be thrilled to find a half-sibling. I figure, someone who was given up for adoption is lots more likely to do the DNA test than someone who wasn't.

We found my late DH's son who was given up for adoption at birth (DH was married, baby's mom was not). It was wonderful all around, he got to meet his bio-dad's side of the family including 3 half siblings. Only sad thing, his bio-mom was reluctant to meet him and introduce him as her son. They never did establish a close relationship. And he is one of the most wonderful people you would want to know.

ClaireC79

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2018, 11:12:56 AM »
Not sure about where you are / where your half sister was born but in the UK at any rate you can search for births and order the original birth certificates - it won't link with the name the person is known by now - but if the dates of birth match you can be fairly confident

My grandmother had two children prior to marriage and one was adopted - I ordered her birth certificate and it's annotated with adopted

if you are in the uk - the search is https://www.freebmd.org.uk/
Then can order them here https://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/Login.asp

If you have the reference number (gained from the index) you don't need to know the correct date of birth to order

I hope there is something similar

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2018, 12:09:02 PM »
I'm in the states. My sister and I, because of the DNA test are, I would say, 99% sure. I'm hoping for some family resemblance, but I'm not sure how much will carry over. Her DNA match is highest in the parts of Europe my grandfather's family is from with my grandmother's being secondary, like mine and my brothers.

3 of my 4 grandparents for sure, are first born american in their families, which puts me at about 1/4 each way, but my mom's father's genetic pool is somewhat stronger than the rest. My brother and I are almost broke down exactly the same, and 1/2 sister has almost the same genetic profile to us.

The strongest breakdown is European West, European Jewish, and some Scandinavian (my grandma was Swedish).

The birth certificate only had the name she was given at birth with a last initial. This is probably the one clue that really makes my sister and I believe that she is our sister. Between my sister and I, my mom gave birth to a baby, who died shortly after birth. This baby had the same name that is on the birth certificate of our sister.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2018, 12:12:06 PM by wonderfullyanonymous »

miredrose326

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #10 on: May 13, 2018, 02:30:04 PM »
I really, really need to get the ancestry dna test done. My dad had a son that the mother put up for adoption. He has always hoped his son would search for him (he gave his info to the state of Indiana just in case). My dad is gone now but I would love to find my half brother.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2018, 08:14:24 AM »
My daughter found me last year.  I had placed her up for adoption over 40 years ago.  She put her DNA through Ancestry, and that linked her to a cousin.  My sweet cousin diplomatically approached me (my daughter lives in another state, and my cousin thought she remembered that it was the same city and state I went to school in).

Anyway, it turned out beautifully.  I threw a big family party for both sides of my family to meet her and her family.  She has told me several times that the experience has exceeded her wishes, and I am planning to visit her next month.

May your familial reunion be every much as blessed as mine has been.

Beautiful story. Very happy for you both.

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Found my older 1/2 sister
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2018, 11:28:40 AM »
She sent a picture this morning, and I can definitely see the family resemblance. She looks a lot like my mom, but has blonde hair. Grandma was Swedish and had blonde hair, and I have an aunt and 2 cousins that have the same shade of blonde.

She asked me if she thought mom would give up the name of the bio father. I'm going to leave that to my brother or sister to bring up. I would love for her to know, but I really don't know how my mom is going to take this. I wish she would accept that she is a family member and deserves to know, but I don't know.