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  • March 29, 2017, 06:54:12 AM

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Author Topic: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?  (Read 1328 times)

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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2017, 08:23:56 AM »
I'm in contact with my mom every day. It's really more for my piece of mind than hers :) But she's in her early 80's, in a wheelchair, and until about a year and a half ago, lived 8 hours from me. Sometimes we have a longer conversation; other times its hi, how are you, how was your day, and so on. Although not so much now, as she's in a retirement community with plenty of people around her, and help, if need be, i still like to be in touch. I have a bit of anxiwty about it, and that helps. Before, she lived alone, in a "regular" neighborhood, so not as much help, so that plus distance, made we want to touch base each day.

Now, if i'm away, i don't. i might call every 2-3 days just to check in, but its quick.

on her side of the family, its me and her, and a couple of cousins, but we will only talk on th ephone every now and then, but email, social media etc.

my dad's family is all over the place, mostly on the west coast (I'm on the east) so its more FB adn so on.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #16 on: March 22, 2017, 10:14:44 AM »
I'm glad I'm not the only one not having daily contact with close relatives.

It does make a difference when your calling to check in on relatives living alone.

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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #17 on: March 22, 2017, 10:25:35 AM »
I'm in my mid seventies.  Both parents and both parents-in-law are deceased.  My only sister recently died and I have occasional contact with her husband and children all of whom live far away.  Usually by email.  I have never been close to my older brother and rarely see or hear from him, but in a weird way, we both know we love each other and our kids and grandkids.  No animosity at all. 

Our children call and also send lots of emails.  Only one lives close enough to visit easily and we see that family a couple of times a month usually, sometimes more.  The other two live farther away.  The other one with children, we see maybe four to six times a year.  The other who lives quite far from us, usually only visits once or twice a year but stays with us for several days while here.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #18 on: March 22, 2017, 12:35:36 PM »
When my parents were alive, I saw both of them every single day.  Mostly because we lived next door to them.  :)  My in-laws we saw weekly, as they lived 30 minutes away.  Now that all of the parents are gone, I see our oldest a couple of times a week (he lives half a mile away) and our youngest texts us every day and we talk to her about every other day. 

The sibling I am closest to lives half the country away and so we email a couple of times a month and talk for 4 to 5 hours every 4 months or so.  The sibling that lives in the same town I only see a couple of times a year.  We have never been particularly close and both of us have busy lives.  There is no animosity, just no interest on either of our parts in spending a ton of time together.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #19 on: March 22, 2017, 01:55:23 PM »
My parents are both gone but back in the day I talked to my mother 3-4 times a week and my dad less frequently (he had trouble hearing on the phone, so it was easier to talk in person) and I saw them fairly frequently, so it wasn't like we needed to catch up on the phone.

My brother and I talk mostly through email and FB. 

I text a lot with my son and talk over FB.  When we do talk on the phone, it's usually for 30-40 minutes at a time.

I'm not a "phone person" in general - I prefer email - and it's amazing to me that people can talk for hours a day to ANYONE - I don't have the time even if I liked talking on the phone!   It's always surprising to me when I'm in the grocery store and people are walking around talking on their phones the entire time they're in the store.  I just don't have that much to talk about.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #20 on: March 22, 2017, 04:52:18 PM »
I'm another who isn't much for frequent contact.

My mum I text with maybe a couple times a week, and I try to phone her once per month because she likes phone calls. We see her probably 10-15 times/year. And we live 20 minutes apart!

We see my nieces (and therefore BIL, who is lovely) weekly. The ex-SIL walked out and now seeing that branch of family is much more pleasant and enjoyable. We see my MIL weekly because she is always at BIL's, and we see FIL once per month or so, but he and I text a few times per week.

My satellite family (aunts/uncles/cousins etc) I message on Facebook and text occasionally, but nothing remotely "regularly".


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #21 on: March 22, 2017, 05:37:12 PM »
I talk to my parents on the phone about once a week - that started in college when I first moved away and has continued for 20+ years.  They live on the opposite coast so we only get together a few times a year.  I exchange emails with my mom a few times a week depending on what kind of news or events are going on.  They don't text or do FB on principle   :P

Actually, during the calls I rarely talk to my dad except to say hi because he seems to prefer to let my mom have the hour-long conversation directly with me (for all our sakes) and he gets all the news while listening in or after the fact.  He talks to his mom (my last remaining grandparent) once a week as well, which is his own hour-long convo experience.  They also exchange emails about once a week, which cover most of the same info as the calls.

DH talks to his mom about once a week too.  He used to also call his dad at least once a week too, separate calls although his parents were together, until his dad passed away.  We see his mom more often because she's slightly closer geographically, but that's still only once every month or two on average.

DH talks to his sister on the phone about once a month, usually around a birthday or vacation planning or computer issue.  Maybe one or two emails a month between us all.  I rarely talk directly to my brother on the phone, but we exchange emails or texts a few times a month.  We all get along but just have very different lives and live far apart from each other, so I wouldn't say we're close but not for any specific (toxic) reasons.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #22 on: March 22, 2017, 05:54:27 PM »
I don't talk to my siblings at all unless they're in my town for something or other and want a ride from the airport and possibly a place to stay, or are visiting my parents in which case I try to visit my parents at the same time.

Absolutely nothing toxic here, we're just not friends. However when we get together it's always a good time.

I talk to my Mother once a week. My MIL maybe once a month (reminds me I need to call her.)

The other in-laws (bro's and sis's of my LDH) only when invited to/I host a special occasion. Simply because it seemed like I was the one doing all the calling for a chat. Since I've stopped calling, we don't talk. Again, when we get together it's always hugs & kisses and no animosity. Always a good time!

I talk to DD#1 about once a week or maybe two weeks usually through e-mails. She's extremely busy right now and I don't want to call her when she's in the middle of a study session. I do know that she will call me when she needs Mommy-Support.

DD#2 (who lives with me) and I have different work-time schedules so we rarely see each other anymore. If she spends the weekend with her BFbob she'll e-mail me on Monday "It seems like I never see you anymore! I miss you!"  So we've settled into a Friday night cooking dinner together so that we can talk about our week which leads to several e-mails during the week "What do you want for dinner?" or "I'm going shopping, do you need anything from the grocery store?" type of thing. Just simple chats.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #23 on: March 22, 2017, 06:12:03 PM »
My parents live about 1000 miles away. I talk to them about once every 2 to 3 weeks they usually call leave a message and I called him back. My step brother lives with them half a year so I'll chat with him when he's with them. When he's living on his own I never call him actually. I think my parents wish I would call Moore but we're in different time zones in on totally different schedules and anytime I think about it it's the wrong time

My husband talks to his dad probably twice a week. Sometimes more if he needs help solving a problem or working on a project. He talked with mom about once a week. His mom gets mad because he never just called her the way he just calls with dad. He talks to his sisters probably once every couple weeks. His sisters are on Facebook. Neither of our parents are.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #24 on: March 23, 2017, 05:30:32 AM »
I see my mother about every 1-2 weeks, usually grand-kid related, though we also do something together about every 1-2 month. The relationship is very good, we are just not a family that sticks together so closely. My mother still works in shifts, I work, we have our hobbies and friends. It's always been like that and it works for us.
My dad I see irregularly, sometimes every 2-3 week, sometimes are few month pass. We're not as close as I'm to my mother, and he doesn't like to initiate contact, so sometimes there's radio silence for a while, but we get along pretty well nowadays.

Now, my MIL I see more often, and my husband talks to her pretty much daily, though I'd say their relationship is not as balanced as I have with my mother. They tend to argue a lot and he's often annoyed with her. But he's used to calling her a lot, do small errands for her etc. so there's naturally more contact. My mother pretty much never asks us for help, though we'd gladly give it.

My brother and I have pretty much no contact besides when I see him at our parents (he's still living at home). We get along well enough at family gatherings, but we're just not close at all.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #25 on: March 23, 2017, 05:32:47 PM »
Before my mom died we usually talked on Skype once a week. Since her death dad and I Skype about once a day. Usually there's not much going on, but I can get him to talk about family history and that's always interesting.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #26 on: March 26, 2017, 11:57:28 AM »
My Mom and I live in the same structure (she is in the M-I-L apartment downstairs), so we talk almost everyday. Before he died, my Dad and I talked at least every other week when I went to his place for lunch, or more often if there was something that needed to be dealt with sooner than that.
My brother and I get along fine, but unless one of us has some business we need the other to provide input on, we talk once every few months. Mom and he talk more frequently, so I will hear updates from her.
The rest of my family lives either in the next state, on the other side of the continent, or on the other side of the globe be. We keep in touch through Facebook and the occasional phone call.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #27 on: March 26, 2017, 01:49:47 PM »
I lived with my parents for 30 years, so once I finally moved out I saw my parents a few times a week because my mom was struggling with the separation.

Even when I moved almost an hour away, we saw each other once a week.

I moved to another state last Christmas, it's been about once a month, my mom is visiting for the first time next weekend.

My brother and I communicate via text mostly and so sometimes it's multiple times a week or every couple weeks. It depends on what's going on. I see him about once a month when I travel through his city to get to our parents.

My mom texts or FB messages me every few days.


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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #28 on: March 27, 2017, 04:10:00 PM »
I consider my family extremely close, but we maybe talk once a month or two? They all live about 4 hours away, so there are times during the year when we are there more, but in general its a random e-mail or text about something strange or funny. None of us are talkers though, so I am not sure what we would say... My mom is probably the only one bothered by it, but good luck changing genetics; we all take after dad, and are prone to just not talk if we don't have anything to say. Apparently she thinks the phone silence is creepy.

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Re: How often do you contact your close non-toxic relatives?
« Reply #29 on: March 27, 2017, 05:40:37 PM »
I talk to my mom once a week, with additional emails during the week if we're trying to figure something out or plan something.  I text or email with my cousins on a somewhat random basis, usually when I'm going to be in town and we're planning to get together.  When my grandmother was alive, I'd call or email her every couple of weeks. 

We see my IL's at least once a month, usually more like every couple of weeks, between monthly dinners and other occasions.  I hardly ever talk to my IL's on the phone though.  Email is once or twice a month, usually just to confirm details of when we're getting together.  I'd be happy if it was less contact, honestly.