General Etiquette > Family and Children

S/O Sharing dessert - Food Dictators

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Softly Spoken:
Okay the shared dessert thread reminded me that I almost never got upset about sharing dessert...because whenever I would eat out with exBFF I almost never was "allowed" to order any. >:( :'(

My friend B was almost always on a diet for an upcoming wedding or, if not that, always in a hurry once she decided she was done with her meal. Early on in our relationship, I would express and interest in ordering dessert and be dismissed with "Oh you don't need that," "We (um, we? ???) don't need that today," and at one point she informed me that I was being rude/a bad friend if I ate it in front of her when she was on her diet. Now I will admit to buffing my spine if I was really in the mood and the restaurant had amazingly awesome dessert, but for the most part I would just shrug. I think sometimes I felt pressured if we had gone to a restuarant far away in her car, because then I felt more like a "guest" even when we went dutch since I couldn't tell her to go on without me - well I could have but I never found dessert worth the trouble of making it my hill to die on.

Looking back on it, I really can't believe I let her bulldoze me like that. I don't think she had any right to tell me what I could or couldn't eat. Her diet was not my problem. My diet was none of her business.

I've heard of similar instances on this board in regards to vegetarians claiming other people eating meat was offensive to them. I could never wrap my head around this. It always sounds to me like an SS whining "You aren't doing what I want so you are meeeeean," not an actual case of rudness.

Now the most I can give to my exBFFs pov is to acknowledge that if you are done and ready to go it can be frustrating to have someone lingering over dessert if you both came in the same car - but I think the mature thing would be to just say so and maybe ask them to either get it to go or maybe say they could get it next time, instead of aggressively trying to talk them out of doing what they want just because it inconviences you.

So my stance on eating out, with anyone, is: my food, my business. Is that in any way rude or unreasonable? What the heck is up with people who try and tell other people what they can and can't order? >:(

GSNW:
It's rude and off-putting for sure.  Eating out with someone is (IMO) about the company first, though I get that most people like to pick a fun/tasty place to eat, so the food is definitely part of it. 

I have a coworker who does the opposite - she is a diet shamer.  I can only conclude that she's terribly insecure about her weight/eating habits.  She actually got mad at me on a field trip once - we stopped for lunch with a few options and she asked me to hit burger joint with her and I said I was going to eat at subway instead.  "Come on, a few fries won't kill you.  You didn't even have a bug breakfast."

Food is such a touchy topic for so many people, me included. 

DottyG:
Softly, your story makes me angry. And it makes me want to drive you to the nearest "got the yummiest desserts" restaurant right now and let you get as many desserts as you want.

Diane AKA Traska:

--- Quote from: GSNW on February 23, 2013, 01:45:55 AM ---It's rude and off-putting for sure.  Eating out with someone is (IMO) about the company first, though I get that most people like to pick a fun/tasty place to eat, so the food is definitely part of it. 

I have a coworker who does the opposite - she is a diet shamer.  I can only conclude that she's terribly insecure about her weight/eating habits.  She actually got mad at me on a field trip once - we stopped for lunch with a few options and she asked me to hit burger joint with her and I said I was going to eat at subway instead.  "Come on, a few fries won't kill you.  You didn't even have a bug breakfast."

Food is such a touchy topic for so many people, me included.

--- End quote ---

How can you not have a bug breakfast?  Crickets are the most important meal of the day!  ;)

siamesecat2965:
I think its rude; I know I don't always order dessert, or sometimes I'm the only one in the group who does. It has never occurred to me that its rude to make people "wait" while I have my dessert. And I've never thought when I don't and others do, hurry, hurry, let's go, I don't have time for this.

ExBFF was rude. If she didn't want any, fine, but that doesn't give her the right to dictate what others can do or have.  My cousin can be like that sometimes. She is forever trying to lose weight on fad diets, and through not so healthy methods. I'm convinced she thinks she has a supermodel figure lurking inside her, which, I'm sorry to say, she does not. What's funny is she'll be on this eat right kick one day, then the next have a huge sundae. I've learned just to ignore her and do what I want.

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