S/O Sharing dessert - Food Dictators

[learningtofly]

It took time to get DH to order appetizers and desserts in a restaurant.  His parents never order appetizers, ever.  Apparently no one could be hungry enough for an appetizer and a meal.  His Dad usually just has ice cream for dessert and unless it's a pretty unusual flavor that the restaurant makes themselves he also doesn't order dessert out.  I'm still not comfortable ordering extras when we're out with them. 

Growing up if we were going out then it was an occasion and we would order soup/appetizer, meal, and dessert.  We were out!  And I love my mom's cooking, but she wasn't making creme brulee at home.  DH learned that sometimes that was the point of ordering dessert out-to get something you don't make yourself.  He's more comfortable ordering now.  So's BIL 

[Diane AKA Traska]

A certain ex-boyfriend later was reported as having taken a steak off his date's plate in a restaurant, saying "Women shouldn't eat meat."  He's lucky I wasn't there.

A former friend of a friend didn't eat in front of other people and often ditzed out of eating on her own.  This affected her attention span, memory, and other behaviors.  I wonder whether she had a parent or older brother whose perception of the relationship women have with food should be the one foisted on Scarlett O'Hara.

Anyone who tries to tell me I'm eating too much or that anything is forbidden very quickly ends up on my Former Friends list.

"Okay, here's how this is going to work.  You are never... NEVER... going to touch my meat again.  And rest assured, I am never going to touch your meat again, either."

One of those rare times Traska, EvilTraska, and SnarkyTraska all agree on the wording.   

[Piratelvr1121]

A certain ex-boyfriend later was reported as having taken a steak off his date's plate in a restaurant, saying "Women shouldn't eat meat."  He's lucky I wasn't there.

A former friend of a friend didn't eat in front of other people and often ditzed out of eating on her own.  This affected her attention span, memory, and other behaviors.  I wonder whether she had a parent or older brother whose perception of the relationship women have with food should be the one foisted on Scarlett O'Hara.

Anyone who tries to tell me I'm eating too much or that anything is forbidden very quickly ends up on my Former Friends list.

"Okay, here's how this is going to work.  You are never... NEVER... going to touch my meat again.  And rest assured, I am never going to touch your meat again, either."

One of those rare times Traska, EvilTraska, and SnarkyTraska all agree on the wording.   

Bwahaahahaha!!!!!

Only time a friend got food dictator-ish with me was when she thought I was underweight (well in all truth, I was) and insisted I eat more than a salad at lunch.  That was at a time when I was on ADD meds that suppressed my appetite and I had a hard time making myself eat. 

[Minmom3]

Some meds can have a HUGE affect on appetite.  I don't know why Doctors don't warn more about that, or if it's because it isn't a consistent reaction from patient to patient.  My MIL was on coumadin for a while, and after a while, we realized that her appetite was GONE.  She's get one of those dinky individual lunch pizzas, and would have 2 bites and be finished.  She dropped in weight from the 140's down to 87 pounds.... She looked like a barely ambulatory corpse, it was awful.  For a short while, she was on Prozac, which brought back her appetite, but once she found out about the Prozac, she refused it, and the weight gain was over.  I think she was around 100 lb. for the rest of her life - about 3 years.

On the other hand, my mother was on coumadin for a few years, and it did nothing to her appetite - she's old and hardly eats anything.  Her appetite hasn't gone up since she's been off it either.

[mbbored]

A certain ex-boyfriend later was reported as having taken a steak off his date's plate in a restaurant, saying "Women shouldn't eat meat."  He's lucky I wasn't there.

A former friend of a friend didn't eat in front of other people and often ditzed out of eating on her own.  This affected her attention span, memory, and other behaviors.  I wonder whether she had a parent or older brother whose perception of the relationship women have with food should be the one foisted on Scarlett O'Hara.

Anyone who tries to tell me I'm eating too much or that anything is forbidden very quickly ends up on my Former Friends list.

"Okay, here's how this is going to work.  You are never... NEVER... going to touch my meat again.  And rest assured, I am never going to touch your meat again, either."

One of those rare times Traska, EvilTraska, and SnarkyTraska all agree on the wording.   

Pre E-Hell, a new boyfriend's mother came to meet me and took us out to dinner at a nice restaurant. My entree looked way nicer than boyfriend's, so he reached over to take mine off my plate without even asking. I put my fork on the back of his hand as it was grabbing my dinner. He looked confused and asked why I was poking his hand. I said "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't notice your hand was touching my food! I mean, why would it even be there, when this is my plate and yours is all the way over there?" After boyfriend's mother stopped laughing, she seriously scolded her son for his appalling manners.

[Piratelvr1121]

To be fair, I was warned by a doctor about that side effect, and when I was first diagnosed with ADD, I was getting "fat" according to my parents. (5'2" and about 135lbs) and I believed them so I thought "Oh good, that'll help me lose weight. I think I dropped 20 lbs in less than 2 months.  It might have even been less than a month as I think I started on them in October and by Thanksgiving I was getting praise for how thin I'd gotten. 

I've stopped taking the meds (one doc told me, after doing an evaluation, that I rated so low on the scale that I really didn't need meds, and in all truth I don't miss them) and am now at 130lbs and am told I look good and healthy.

And any food dictators are ignored. Though if MIL encourages me to get a dessert because she's getting one, she's allowed to dictate a bit.

[siamesecat2965]

Thankfully my parents, and now my mom, and me, all enjoy good food. and when we eat out, we'd share an appetizer, or we'd each get our own, or soup, or salad, our own meals, and maybe dessert. But there was never any "policing" about who ordered what. And we all love to eat, and try new things, so inevitably, we'd all end up tasting whatever anyone else had!  And that includes wine and cocktails!

My mom has commented on my weight which is more than it should be, but if I choose to order dessert now, she could care less. And she usually helps me eat it too!!!!

[BeagleMommy]

I still get this now and then.  Anyone who knows about my diabetes (which is just about everyone) knows I'm pretty careful regarding my diet.  However, I know how to adjust my carb intake so I can splurge at one meal if I cut down at another.  I've been doing it for decades.

I have one friend I refuse to go out to dinner with because she scrutinizes everything on my plate.  Jeez, if I want pasta for dinner I will darn well have it.  Any time she invites me to dinner I will say "No thanks, and you know why.".  She's fun to hang out with otherwise, just not around food.

[NyaChan]

I may have told this story before, but here it goes anyways:

My parents were on vacation and left my sister and I at my Great Uncle & Aunt's along with my Grandmother to take care of us.  All of my cousins on both sides were always bone skinny growing up while my sister and were "normal" - but to our relatives, we were considered fat.  At every meal, if my grandma considered us to have eaten enough, she would take the serving utensils from each plate and wipe it clean (often in her mouth!) so that we couldn't take any more food.  My Aunt did protest sometimes and try to sneak us treats when my grandma wasn't looking, but my Great Uncle thought the sun rose and set with my grandma (his little sister) and would get very angry with his wife if she didn't cater to her every whim.  When my parents came back, they were surprised to find that their kids had lost weight.   

[Venus193]

BeagleMommy, have you switched to the high fiber/extra protein pasta?  Interestingly, it even tastes better.

[siamesecat2965]

I still get this now and then.  Anyone who knows about my diabetes (which is just about everyone) knows I'm pretty careful regarding my diet.  However, I know how to adjust my carb intake so I can splurge at one meal if I cut down at another.  I've been doing it for decades.

I have one friend I refuse to go out to dinner with because she scrutinizes everything on my plate.  Jeez, if I want pasta for dinner I will darn well have it.  Any time she invites me to dinner I will say "No thanks, and you know why.".  She's fun to hang out with otherwise, just not around food.

I hate that. I learned my lesson the first time around on WW. This was on their old old plan, so many fruits, breads, etc. per day. And if you chose carefully and planned, you COULD eat almost anything. So once a week or so, I'd have a slice of pizza and a large salad for lunch. I can't tell you how many people felt the need to comment on how i shouldn't or couldn't have that!  So I learned not to tell anyone I was on it!

[zyrs]

When I was a child we would go to McDonald's or A&W.  No matter which one we went to, we ate in the car.

If it was A&W, the youngest 2 got the Baby meal, the eldest 2 got either the baby meal or the teen meal if my father was in a good mood.  Mom got the mom meal, dad got the dad meal.

If it was McDonald's - everyone but dad got a small drink, hamburger and small fries.  If you wanted a large fries, you had to give up either the drink or the burger.  if you wanted a large drink you had to give up the burger or the fries, if you wanted a cheeseburger, you had to give up either the drink or the fries.  If you wanted a milkshake that was all you got and you were made to feel selfish and rude.

I've noticed that my siblings and I tend to try and force food on people if we go to McDonald's.  "You sure you don't want a shake?  How's about another apple pie?  You sure?  We can get you more food, it's fine."

[Diane AKA Traska]

The thing that galls me about food dictators is this:  Food is one of the few things that we have in common.  We *all* have to eat.  It's one of the best social building activities, and there's a certain joy in seeing someone enjoy a really good meal.

It's akin to having someone force you to go to sleep, force you to wake up, and dictate exactly how long you'll sleep, and your energy levels be damned.  Further, they'll tell you what bed to sleep in, and even what bedclothes to use.

[mmswm]

When I was a child we would go to McDonald's or A&W.  No matter which one we went to, we ate in the car.

If it was A&W, the youngest 2 got the Baby meal, the eldest 2 got either the baby meal or the teen meal if my father was in a good mood.  Mom got the mom meal, dad got the dad meal.

If it was McDonald's - everyone but dad got a small drink, hamburger and small fries.  If you wanted a large fries, you had to give up either the drink or the burger.  if you wanted a large drink you had to give up the burger or the fries, if you wanted a cheeseburger, you had to give up either the drink or the fries.  If you wanted a milkshake that was all you got and you were made to feel selfish and rude.

I've noticed that my siblings and I tend to try and force food on people if we go to McDonald's.  "You sure you don't want a shake?  How's about another apple pie?  You sure?  We can get you more food, it's fine."

I'm the same way when it comes to sodas and juices.  We were never allowed to drink anything but water when we went out to eat growing up.  Now, sometimes when finances are tight, and I'm taking the boys out for a treat, we'll all get waters, but when things were good, and I was forever asking "are you sure you don't want a soda?"

[DottyG]

Dang zyrs, was there a color-coded key that went along with that?!  I'd be so confused as to what I could get or not get or what I was trading in to get something or whatever!