S/O Sharing dessert - Food Dictators

[Venus193]

I never said it wasn't OK for her to talk about this.  You should have heard her whenever I mentioned Latin music.  Her comments on that would not be acceptable on this forum.  I therefore never mention it anymore.

I accept that not all of us like everything; that would be impossible.  However, to get sarcastic about someone not liking something you do would be rude.

[Lorelei_Evil]

I can see that.  My father brings things up over and over again just to try and bait me with them.  He gets a kick out of trying to make me lose my temper.  It cranks him up when I refuse to engage.

I do the "more for you" response a lot. 

[mmswm]

It never succeeded but my mother refused to understand that I couldn't stand mayonnaise.  If I made a BLT in front of her she would get on my case if I didn't put mayonnaise on it. 

Her:  But it's so dry.
Me:   I don't like mayonnaise.
Her:  But you don't even taste it.
Me:   Then why use it?

 

My mother does this to my oldest son.  It drives me bananas and drives him to the point of entertaining* thoughts of booby trapping her kitchen just to spite her. 

*He would never actually booby trap her kitchen, but he sure likes to think about it sometimes.

[TootsNYC]

Here's another one with an even better comeback:

My friend Blanche loves dairy foods and knows very well that I don't.  We have had numerous conversations about food have gone like this:

Her:   So last night I was at such-and-such restaurant and had the best macaroni and cheese ever.
Me:    I don't care for macaroni and cheese.  That sounds great. or It was that good? or What made it so good?
Her:   Oh, I think cheese is just the most wonderful food ever!
Me:    More for you, then. I'm glad you found a place with a good version.

Do you realize that BOTH of your responses were "all about me"?
And both of them were, essentially, "I don't like it"--both of them were negative about something *she* is positive about.

"With a million different acceptable foodstuffs in the world I'm entitled to not like something you do."

And so is she, and it's not necessary for you to point it out every time. You have the power to change that dynamic by omitting the first negative comment.

If you don't want to hear about mac and cheese, then say, "how were the vegetables?" or "where is this place, again?" or even "what other stuff was on the menu?"

[weeblewobble]

A couple of food dictator stories:

1) I had a coworker who was obsessed with fat grams in food. She consumed no fat. She also believed that everyone else should consume no fat. She rapidly lost quite a lot of weight. She believed the rest of us could/should lose weight like she did if we watched our fat grams the way she did. She would patrol the break room during all of the rotating lunch periods to see what we were eating, and, of course, to make comments about the amount of fat in our food.

She let us all know that she had a physical coming up, and she was so excited to hear what her doctor thought about her weight and her diet. Guess what: Her doctor was not pleased with her diet or her weight. She had managed, in eating no fat, to mess up her blood chemistry. Her blood levels were all out of whack. To her credit, she did share that with us. She was informed by her doctor that a healthy diet includes some fat. We didn't get anymore comments from her about what we were eating.

One of the members of my book club is a doctor and we were talking about our various New Year's resolutions at our January meeting.  (We were not asking her for advice.  We're careful not to put her on the spot.)  She said, "I'm glad you're all trying to get healthier, all I'm going to say is, please please please remember to include healthy fats and oils in your diet plan.  I see too many women with dry, sallow skin, brittle nails and hair falling out by the handfuls because they have removed every molecule of fat from their diet plans. And that's just the damage they're doing to the outside!"

I asked her if cadbury eggs counted as a healthy fat.  She said no.

Re: the "If you don't eat the eggs, you'll hurt my feelings" thing, what an unhealthy, self-centered thing to say to you!

[SeptGurl]

A couple of food dictator stories:

1) I had a coworker who was obsessed with fat grams in food. She consumed no fat. She also believed that everyone else should consume no fat. She rapidly lost quite a lot of weight. She believed the rest of us could/should lose weight like she did if we watched our fat grams the way she did. She would patrol the break room during all of the rotating lunch periods to see what we were eating, and, of course, to make comments about the amount of fat in our food.

She let us all know that she had a physical coming up, and she was so excited to hear what her doctor thought about her weight and her diet. Guess what: Her doctor was not pleased with her diet or her weight. She had managed, in eating no fat, to mess up her blood chemistry. Her blood levels were all out of whack. To her credit, she did share that with us. She was informed by her doctor that a healthy diet includes some fat. We didn't get anymore comments from her about what we were eating.

One of the members of my book club is a doctor and we were talking about our various New Year's resolutions at our January meeting.  (We were not asking her for advice.  We're careful not to put her on the spot.)  She said, "I'm glad you're all trying to get healthier, all I'm going to say is, please please please remember to include healthy fats and oils in your diet plan.  I see too many women with dry, sallow skin, brittle nails and hair falling out by the handfuls because they have removed every molecule of fat from their diet plans. And that's just the damage they're doing to the outside!"

I asked her if cadbury eggs counted as a healthy fat.  She said no.

Re: the "If you don't eat the eggs, you'll hurt my feelings" thing, what an unhealthy, self-centered thing to say to you!

If only Cadbury Eggs were a healthy fat. Now that's an egg I would eat! 

And about "If you don't eat the eggs, you'll hurt my feelings" ... you'll probably be glad to know that I didn't eat the eggs.

[Venus193]

Egad.

Blanche gets histrionic about certain subjects.  One line of hers that I must have heard her say a dozen times or more is "Calamari?  I don't eat anything with suckers; it's something I live by."

I happen to like calamari, but that comment is a bit ridiculous after the second time.  So is the self-reprimand over one tablespoon of potato salad.

She is also likely to start a conversation monologue with "I know you don't like musicals, but..." forcing me to listen to at least 15 minutes of how wonderful something is that I find treakley (sp?) or trite.  15 minutes during which I can't get a word in edgewise.  I don't do this to her.

[perpetua]

Egad.

Blanche gets histrionic about certain subjects.  One line of hers that I must have heard her say a dozen times or more is "Calamari?  I don't eat anything with suckers; it's something I live by."

I happen to like calamari, but that comment is a bit ridiculous after the second time.  So is the self-reprimand over one tablespoon of potato salad.

She is also likely to start a conversation monologue with "I know you don't like musicals, but..." forcing me to listen to at least 15 minutes of how wonderful something is that I find treakley (sp?) or trite.  15 minutes during which I can't get a word in edgewise.  I don't do this to her.

I've been lurking on this forum for a long time before I joined and I've seen a lot of your stories about Blanche, Venus. I'm perplexed as to why you're friends with her - you don't seem to have a good word to say about her. I hope she has some redeeming qualities to balance out all the negatives?

Back on topic: My father is a food dictator. He doesn't like fat women, so it started when I was very young and left me with too many food issues to count. Even now at the age of 44 he asks me if I should really be eating that biscuit.

[Moray]

Here's another one with an even better comeback:

My friend Blanche loves dairy foods and knows very well that I don't.  We have had numerous conversations about food have gone like this:

Her:   So last night I was at such-and-such restaurant and had the best macaroni and cheese ever.
Me:    I don't care for macaroni and cheese.  That sounds great. or It was that good? or What made it so good?
Her:   Oh, I think cheese is just the most wonderful food ever!
Me:    More for you, then. I'm glad you found a place with a good version.

Do you realize that BOTH of your responses were "all about me"?
And both of them were, essentially, "I don't like it"--both of them were negative about something *she* is positive about.

"With a million different acceptable foodstuffs in the world I'm entitled to not like something you do."

And so is she, and it's not necessary for you to point it out every time. You have the power to change that dynamic by omitting the first negative comment.

If you don't want to hear about mac and cheese, then say, "how were the vegetables?" or "where is this place, again?" or even "what other stuff was on the menu?"

This. To be honest, I'd find your responses very rude. You say Blanche is "histrionic" about her dislike of certain things, like calamari, but your responses to her about dairy sound just about the same.

[DottyG]

I'm perplexed as to why you're friends with her - you don't seem to have a good word to say about her.

I kinda have to agree.  She doesn't sound like someone you really enjoy being around, Venus.

[Venus193]

In truth, our friendship is now just on the phone.  She moved in 2004 to a place that's probably about 9 hours away (I don't drive). 

When she lived in the city and later in Westchester we used to hang out and go to horror movie conventions, historic buildings, thrift shops, flea markets, etc.  We both had toxic, narcissistic mothers, and relatives who didn't seem to see what was really going on.  I think we have been valuable to each other over that.

When I realized how much she hated anything having to do with Latin America (except the food) I stopped talking about novelas and Latin music.  I tried to get her to agree to do the same with animation and musicals but she has been less diligent about that.

[Diane AKA Traska]

In truth, our friendship is now just on the phone.  She moved in 2004 to a place that's probably about 9 hours away (I don't drive). 

When she lived in the city and later in Westchester we used to hang out and go to horror movie conventions, historic buildings, thrift shops, flea markets, etc.  We both had toxic, narcissistic mothers, and relatives who didn't seem to see what was really going on.  I think we have been valuable to each other over that.

When I realized how much she hated anything having to do with Latin America (except the food) I stopped talking about novelas and Latin music.  I tried to get her to agree to do the same with animation and musicals but she has been less diligent about that.

You know, it's funny, all this time I thought "Blanche' was an amalgam of all the negative traits from various friends you rolled up into one so you'd have a name to place with your stories. 

[Venus193]

No; not at all.

This particular friend earned this nick because she is sometimes as pathetic as Blanche DuBois of A Streetcar Named Desire whose most famous line of dialogue probably is "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."  She also has a tendency to dumb herself down around men, a trait I didn't realize until after her divorce.

[Wordgeek]

Enough with the Blanche sidebar.  Move on, please.

[weeblewobble]

One thought about the "super-fooders"- I just get confused.  A relative of DH's is big on these trends.  ONLY EAT AVOCADO, it's rich in the vital nutrients you need to stay alive," she'll say.  And then six months later it's, "NEVER EAT AVOCADO. It's terrible for you!"  We've gone through acai, goji berry, noni berry, guarana, lychee.  All of these things were supposed to hold the key to eternal youth... until six months later when she discovered that there were "terrible consequences" to eating them, and switched to a different fruit to support.

How about I just eat my apple and mind my own business?