Author Topic: Did I overstep?  (Read 7988 times)

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SiotehCat

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #105 on: February 24, 2013, 10:44:05 PM »
Oh. Wow.


Then, is the teacher a personal friend of yours?

(Or, do you never give presents to your kids teachers? In which case you don't really have an accurate perspective on the discussion, do you? You wouldn't have any problem here, because there wouldn't be a thank-you note to send)

I do give Christmas/Holiday presents to DS's teachers. I give them to people I work with too. I also give one to my mechanic. Christmas gifts don't have to be for personal friends.

I don't think there is anything wrong with giving presents to a teacher. I just don't think we can say its related to the students education.

Sharnita

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #106 on: February 24, 2013, 10:47:45 PM »
I wouldn't be offended at receiving a thank you note from one of DS's teachers in the mail. I still wouldn't feel good about it though.

I am comfortable with the teacher having our address, but I am not comfortable with them being able to use it for whatever they want. Thank you notes are not school related.

I wouldn't make an official complaint about it unless I had other complaints about the teacher.

.

How can it not be school related?  The parent is thanking the teacher for being such an awesome teacher for her child.

I agree that if it was a situation where the teacher was helping someone paint his/her house on the weekends, and that person had a child in her class, then a TY for the painting-service would not be school-related.  But that's not what's happening here.

I thought it was a Christmas/Holiday gift and not a gift a Thank You gift. The OP said that they were given at Christmas time, so I assumed they were Christmas gifts.

Christmas gifts are great and all, but they are not related to my childs education.

If I want to thank someone by giving them a gift, I usually don't send it at Christmas time. Then it becomes confused for a Christmas gift.

But would you be giving them a Christmas present if they weren't teaching your child?  Isn't it directly connected to the fact that they are educating your child?  You don't give a gift to the teacher two districts away because they aren't educating your child.

SiotehCat

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #107 on: February 24, 2013, 10:50:22 PM »
I wouldn't be offended at receiving a thank you note from one of DS's teachers in the mail. I still wouldn't feel good about it though.

I am comfortable with the teacher having our address, but I am not comfortable with them being able to use it for whatever they want. Thank you notes are not school related.

I wouldn't make an official complaint about it unless I had other complaints about the teacher.

.

How can it not be school related?  The parent is thanking the teacher for being such an awesome teacher for her child.

I agree that if it was a situation where the teacher was helping someone paint his/her house on the weekends, and that person had a child in her class, then a TY for the painting-service would not be school-related.  But that's not what's happening here.

I thought it was a Christmas/Holiday gift and not a gift a Thank You gift. The OP said that they were given at Christmas time, so I assumed they were Christmas gifts.

Christmas gifts are great and all, but they are not related to my childs education.

If I want to thank someone by giving them a gift, I usually don't send it at Christmas time. Then it becomes confused for a Christmas gift.

But would you be giving them a Christmas present if they weren't teaching your child?  Isn't it directly connected to the fact that they are educating your child?  You don't give a gift to the teacher two districts away because they aren't educating your child.

No, I wouldn't be giving them a gift if they weren't teaching my child. That still doesn't make it related to his education. It doesn't change anything about his education. It does nothing for his education, except in the examples I listed earlier.

Sharnita

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #108 on: February 24, 2013, 10:51:55 PM »
I think you might be the only one seeing the logic in that line of thinking.

*inviteseller

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #109 on: February 24, 2013, 10:59:25 PM »
I wouldn't be offended at receiving a thank you note from one of DS's teachers in the mail. I still wouldn't feel good about it though.

I am comfortable with the teacher having our address, but I am not comfortable with them being able to use it for whatever they want. Thank you notes are not school related.

I wouldn't make an official complaint about it unless I had other complaints about the teacher.

.

How can it not be school related?  The parent is thanking the teacher for being such an awesome teacher for her child.

I agree that if it was a situation where the teacher was helping someone paint his/her house on the weekends, and that person had a child in her class, then a TY for the painting-service would not be school-related.  But that's not what's happening here.

I thought it was a Christmas/Holiday gift and not a gift a Thank You gift. The OP said that they were given at Christmas time, so I assumed they were Christmas gifts.

Christmas gifts are great and all, but they are not related to my childs education.

If I want to thank someone by giving them a gift, I usually don't send it at Christmas time. Then it becomes confused for a Christmas gift. 

To me, it is a Christmas gift from my child to their teacher.  But, it is not given because it is just the holiday season, or it is the PC thing to do, or everyone else in the class is doing it.  It is given because we want someone who, while not part of out inner circle of family/friends that we do celebrate with, to feel our thanks and gratitude for the caring, respect, & guidance they show to my child 32 hours a week.  And my child knows why that gift is being given.  To me, if you feel an obligation to gift your child's teacher like the mailman and paperboy then you shouldn't bother.  They don't keep lists.

TootsNYC

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #110 on: February 24, 2013, 11:12:50 PM »
Oh. Wow.


Then, is the teacher a personal friend of yours?

(Or, do you never give presents to your kids teachers? In which case you don't really have an accurate perspective on the discussion, do you? You wouldn't have any problem here, because there wouldn't be a thank-you note to send)

I do give Christmas/Holiday presents to DS's teachers. I give them to people I work with too. I also give one to my mechanic. Christmas gifts don't have to be for personal friends.

I don't think there is anything wrong with giving presents to a teacher. I just don't think we can say its related to the students education.

Wouldn't your mechanic mail a thank-you note to your home?
And wouldn't that Christmas gift be related to his service to you as your mechanic?

And if your coworker mailed a thank-you note to your home, would you be upset?

snowdragon

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #111 on: February 24, 2013, 11:17:49 PM »
Oh. Wow.


Then, is the teacher a personal friend of yours?

(Or, do you never give presents to your kids teachers? In which case you don't really have an accurate perspective on the discussion, do you? You wouldn't have any problem here, because there wouldn't be a thank-you note to send)

I do give Christmas/Holiday presents to DS's teachers. I give them to people I work with too. I also give one to my mechanic. Christmas gifts don't have to be for personal friends.

I don't think there is anything wrong with giving presents to a teacher. I just don't think we can say its related to the students education.

Wouldn't your mechanic mail a thank-you note to your home?
And wouldn't that Christmas gift be related to his service to you as your mechanic?

And if your coworker mailed a thank-you note to your home, would you be upset?


I'd want to know how they got my home address, since it is very rare that I give that out at work, but in many work places the holiday exchange is work culture and expected.

MOM21SON

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #112 on: February 24, 2013, 11:19:14 PM »
I think this is taking a wrong turn.  Siothecat, is certainly entitled to her own opinion.  While her opionon is different than mine, it is still hers. From what I have read  she is a great mom and wants the best for her child.

Bashing parenting skills is never good.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #113 on: February 24, 2013, 11:27:12 PM »
I think this is taking a wrong turn.  Siothecat, is certainly entitled to her own opinion.  While her opionon is different than mine, it is still hers. From what I have read  she is a great mom and wants the best for her child.

Bashing parenting skills is never good.

Perhaps she should have kept that in mind earlier.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #114 on: February 24, 2013, 11:34:03 PM »
I think this is taking a wrong turn.  Siothecat, is certainly entitled to her own opinion.  While her opionon is different than mine, it is still hers. From what I have read  she is a great mom and wants the best for her child.

Bashing parenting skills is never good.

I don't see where anyone bashed anyone's parenting skills.  Maybe I missed it...



If we cannot trust our teachers with our addresses, how do we trust them with our kids? 
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

MOM21SON

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #115 on: February 24, 2013, 11:44:20 PM »
I think this is taking a wrong turn.  Siothecat, is certainly entitled to her own opinion.  While her opionon is different than mine, it is still hers. From what I have read  she is a great mom and wants the best for her child.

Bashing parenting skills is never good.

Perhaps she should have kept that in mind earlier.

Have you forgotten that you are on a etiquette forum?  I disagree with her on this issue but, it is her opinion, and to dogpile is wrong.


*inviteseller

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #116 on: February 24, 2013, 11:51:01 PM »
I am not questioning parenting, and would not do that.  I just didn't understand her explanation of why she gave a gift to someone. 

kareng57

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #117 on: February 25, 2013, 12:02:37 AM »
I think this is taking a wrong turn.  Siothecat, is certainly entitled to her own opinion.  While her opionon is different than mine, it is still hers. From what I have read  she is a great mom and wants the best for her child.

Bashing parenting skills is never good.


What does this have to do with parenting skills??

Generally, when one gives Christmas gifts to professional people, it's because the giver values the outcome.  You (generic) can give a Christmas gift to your hairdresser or aesthetician because you love the work they do "on" you.  You can give a Christmas gift to your awesome car mechanic.  And you can give a Christmas gift to your child's teacher because you think that he/she is very good at the job.

Nothing more.  Most teachers I have known have appreciated gifts from parents, but certainly never expected them.

bansidhe

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #118 on: February 25, 2013, 01:08:48 AM »
But would you be giving them a Christmas present if they weren't teaching your child?  Isn't it directly connected to the fact that they are educating your child?  You don't give a gift to the teacher two districts away because they aren't educating your child.

No, I wouldn't be giving them a gift if they weren't teaching my child. That still doesn't make it related to his education. It doesn't change anything about his education. It does nothing for his education, except in the examples I listed earlier.

I agree that the gift really doesn't have anything to do with the kid's education, though I may not be thinking along the same lines that SiotehCat is. The gift is related to the teacher's job, but it has absolutely to do with the kid's education unless the gift reflects something he or she learned in school.

Let's say my kid and I give her third-grade science teacher a Starbuck's gift certificate at the end of the year. That has nothing to do with the education she received but is merely a nice thank-you gesture. Now let's say that my kid and I make a cake for the teacher that is decorated to look like Saturn and put a bunch of appropriately sized cupcakes around it representing Saturn's moons because she learned about Saturn in science class. That gift has to do with her education.

It's a fine line and probably not terribly relevant, but it was bugging me.  :)

In any case, I have no problem with what the OP did and I think Complaining Parent is one of the many, many people these days who are just looking for offense. Granted I don't have children, but I would be delighted to received a thank-you note like that and appreciate the time the teacher took to write and send it. It would be a great example for the kid to follow, as well.
Esan ozenki!

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CakeEater

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Re: Did I overstep?
« Reply #119 on: February 25, 2013, 01:21:42 AM »
and i am curious - don't teachers visit their students homes, as least once a year? I don't live in the US so I don't know what the norm is there.

My experience with the Australian and New Zealand school systems is that teacher home visits are unheard of. 

What are the regions where this takes place? Is it only for primary school, because I'm just trying to work out the logistics of high schools with 1000-2000 students trying to accomplish this?
There is a very small private school in my area that does do home visits.  I am in the US.

I'm in Australia. A friend who worked in a private school in Rockhampton was required to do home visits to all her students in the first term. So not unheard of, but still, pretty rare.