Being ignored in the workplace

[bopper]

From the coworkers point of view, presumably they knew about the tickets. They weren't going to invite her and also they must have not thought she was a person the tickets were intended for or didn't want to share the tickets with her.   So by telling her, they are opening for more competition for the tickets.  Or make her feel bad because she didn't get one. I can see where they would try to avoid talking to her about it.

What she could do is to say "Hey Bob, I think maybe there was a misunderstanding the other day when you guys were talking about the tickets.  I wanted to be aware of what was going on not because I would be eligible for/want/deserve the tickets, but so I know about the client interaction with our group. I know you generally wouldn't blow me off like that but I can imagine if you thought I wanted the tickets erroneously that you were trying to spare us all an awkward conversation."

[Shoo]

The problem there is she has already talked to supervisor and has been told to let it go.

Yes, but she didn't ask the pertinent question:  WHY was she excluded?

[TurtleDove]

It wasn't clear to me whether the coworker was the only member "excluded" - that would make a difference for me.  I think she handled it very poorly and is not endearing herself to the team.  She comes across as whiny and seeking a confrontation, which seems to be how the supervisor sees it given the instruction to drop it. It isn't part of her job, or else the supervisor would have handled it differently. I think the coworker should look at the bigger picture and decide what she wants.  Calling people out for being mean to you, especially when it's not really "mean," is not generally a good way to get people to like you and want to spend time with you.

[wolfie]

THe friend acted pretty awfully. If the conversation had been about tickets that the four co-workers won from a contest she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. She tried to insert herself in a conversation that had nothing to with her ina a rude and overhanded way. I don't know what her role with clients is, but she should probably look at how she is presenting herself because she isn't making any friends with her coworkers.

[oceanus]

The problem there is she has already talked to supervisor and has been told to let it go.

Yes, but she didn't ask the pertinent question:  WHY was she excluded?

I don't think we know what she asked.  We were told in the first post that she complained to supervisor and was told to let it go.

[cheyne]

I believe Friend would have been rude in a social situation.  If a group of Friend's acquaintances were arguing over something and friend pushed her way in, it would have seemed as if she were trying to get invited to or take part in the group's activity.

This is a work situation, with members of a team.  If a client provided tickets for the team, every member of the team has a right to know about the gift and decide how the gift will be distributed.  How dare some members decide that they are the recipients of the gift and leave other members out completely?  How is it rude for Friend to ask about something she is entitled to as a member of the team? 

[TurtleDove]

I believe Friend would have been rude in a social situation.  If a group of Friend's acquaintances were arguing over something and friend pushed her way in, it would have seemed as if she were trying to get invited to or take part in the group's activity.

This is a work situation, with members of a team.  If a client provided tickets for the team, every member of the team has a right to know about the gift and decide how the gift will be distributed.  How dare some members decide that they are the recipients of the gift and leave other members out completely?  How is it rude for Friend to ask about something she is entitled to as a member of the team?

Given the supervisor's response, I think your factual assumptions are incorrect. 

[Shoo]

I believe Friend would have been rude in a social situation.  If a group of Friend's acquaintances were arguing over something and friend pushed her way in, it would have seemed as if she were trying to get invited to or take part in the group's activity.

This is a work situation, with members of a team.  If a client provided tickets for the team, every member of the team has a right to know about the gift and decide how the gift will be distributed.  How dare some members decide that they are the recipients of the gift and leave other members out completely?  How is it rude for Friend to ask about something she is entitled to as a member of the team? 

I couldn't agree more.  Why were the tickets kept from the OP? Why wasn't she considered for one of them like the others?  Those are the questions I think the OP needs to ask her boss, because the answer to those questions could indicate that there's a problem the OP needs to deal with. I don't believe her supervisor told her to "let it go" in relation to those particular kinds of questions, because the OP didn't ask that.  She complained about being ignored and pushed away, not about being left out from what was apparently a team gift.  I would expect my supervisor to address that issue, not tell me to forget about it.

[LazyDaisy]

I can understand the supervisor getting more involved if coworkers were ignoring her on something having to do with getting work done -- like she's repeatedly asked for numbers for the TPS reports and they won't respond -- but in this case they responded initially to her interruption of their private conversation and then ignored her further demands to know more about some movie tickets. We don't have any information that the tickets were "for the team." It could be that the client gave tickets to one person in particular for a job well done and never intended to give them to the team.

As for why she was excluded, I think it's rather clear, she was excluded because of her rude behavior. How can supervisor explain to her that she can't demand that people like her, respect her, or want to be her friend? I suppose the supervisor could try to explain that to her, but judging by how she feels like she was the victim, I doubt she would accept responsibility for her part. There is obviously a history here and instead of learning from coworkers reactions to her behavior, she just doubles down on the demands for attention instead.

[cheyne]

I believe Friend would have been rude in a social situation.  If a group of Friend's acquaintances were arguing over something and friend pushed her way in, it would have seemed as if she were trying to get invited to or take part in the group's activity.

This is a work situation, with members of a team.  If a client provided tickets for the team, every member of the team has a right to know about the gift and decide how the gift will be distributed.  How dare some members decide that they are the recipients of the gift and leave other members out completely?  How is it rude for Friend to ask about something she is entitled to as a member of the team?

Given the supervisor's response, I think your factual assumptions are incorrect.

My post replied to the OP, not the supervisor's response.  The OP states that the Friend is a member of a "team" and that a client sent movie tickets for the "team".  I made no assumptions.

I will add that unless there is a written policy for the distribution of client gifts, every member of the team should have a say in dispersion of said gifts.  How is it fair to all team members otherwise?

[TurtleDove]

If a client provided tickets for the team, every member of the team has a right to know about the gift and decide how the gift will be distributed.  How dare some members decide that they are the recipients of the gift and leave other members out completely?  How is it rude for Friend to ask about something she is entitled to as a member of the team?
...I will add that unless there is a written policy for the distribution of client gifts, every member of the team should have a say in dispersion of said gifts.  How is it fair to all team members otherwise?

My point is that the supervisor would have addressed this if she believed the frend's "rights" had been slighted.  We also don't know whether this was a team of five and only the friend was not a part of the discussion or whether this was a team of 10 and the friend was one of 6 not in on the discussion.  At any rate, the supervisor decided that the friend did not have a right to know about the gift or decide how the gift would be distributed, and that she is not entitled to the gift.  Your assumptions otherwise are what I was addressing.

[Marbles]

There is also the possibility that the tickets were given to the supervisor by the client and that the supervisor then handed them out to the 4 people on the team. I can see the supervisor not wanting to have to justify who got the tickets and telling the Friend to drop it.

I'm confused about Friend saying that this is not the first time that this has happened. It's not the first time that,
- She has been actively ignored by her coworkers?
- She has not been heard out by her supervisor?
- Her colleagues have been rewarded and she has not?
- Her colleagues have made a point of making plans together in her hearing and then pointed leaving her out?

Each of those problems has a solution, but not always the same one.

She should absolutely let go of not getting the tickets this time. In the future, if she is not rewarded, then I think she needs to have a converation with their supervisor about ways for her to improve her performance so that she might be eligible for these  perks.

She should record the dates and times of the snubbings. A good supervisor should address this quickly, since it has the potention to turn into hostile work environment territory. Supervisor should have a word with the team that making plans to go out, when everyone who can hear them is not invited is rude and inappropriate for work time.

[BarensMom]

"One of duties is interacting with the clients, so she needs to know if things like this occur."

In my department at Evil Oil Company, client/vendor gifts were to be reported to a supervisor or designated person, who would decide if they were to be kept/used.  Any gift valued over $500 was to be turned over to the Company, period, no exceptions.  This rule was in place to prevent favoritism towards certain clients/vendors and was to be taken very seriously.

Friend's co-workers were apparently flouting company policy by not informing her of the tickets.  Friend was trying to do her job and being stonewalled.  If this had happened at EOC, co-workers would have been run up the flagpole by the new orifice supervisor would have torn open.

[Virg]

BarensMom wrote:

"Friend's co-workers were apparently flouting company policy by not informing her of the tickets.  Friend was trying to do her job and being stonewalled."

Neither of these sentences has any backing in the OP and they're both pretty strong assumptions about what happened.  See Marbles's response above for at least one possibility that would fit the OP but would contradict both of your assumptions here, and remember that we're only getting a secondhand retelling of events, and getting it from someone who (on the surface of the story) acted pretty rudely to begin with.  The fact that the Friend's supervisor told her to drop the matter is telling here.

Virg

[wolfie]

Friend's co-workers were apparently flouting company policy by not informing her of the tickets.  Friend was trying to do her job and being stonewalled.  If this had happened at EOC, co-workers would have been run up the flagpole by the new orifice supervisor would have torn open.

But she was not trying to do her job and was being stonewalled. She was asking someone why they were talking about movie tickets. They kept telling her it was not her concern. It was only after she pressed them about if for a few minutes that they told her that the tickets were gifts. I don't know if her job really involves dealing with client gifts, but for this discussion I will say it was. It was only after grilling her co-workers about something that seemed innocent and not a part of the job that she discovered that it might be job related after all. If the tickets were gotten from another source (say someone won them on the radio) then the friend's actions would be 100% rude. It was after she acted rudely that she discovered that she might have a way to justify her behavior. In the beginning she had no reason to think that her continued pressure would make a work related reason pop up.