Author Topic: rsvp's  (Read 2127 times)

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MaryMy

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rsvp's
« on: February 23, 2013, 11:13:25 PM »
My daughter recently sent out her invitations to her upcoming wedding. Because we are on a tight budget she followed guidelines not only found here but on other sites. Outside and inside invites were addressed correctly. RSVP's are starting to come in and so many people have added on extra guests! We did not offer an option of guest or plus 1. So far 3 single people added on a guest, not a person they have dated and we overlooked, but a date. I have been getting messages on facebook about bringing kids.  2 people added their kids onto the rsvp. The only child at the wedding is suppose to be the brides daughter/flower girl. If the outside envelope was addressed to Mr and Mrs John Doe, the inside envelope said John and Jane. No kids listed. If the outside envelope said Mr John Doe the inside said John. No plus guest. How do I address this with those who have added on a guest? This is a plated dinner reception. We budgeted for 85, planned for 80, but did not budget for 90+. 

Sophia

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2013, 11:17:12 PM »
If it were me, I would call them up when they likely wouldn't be home, and leave a message that there must have "been a misunderstanding".  But, "children" or "a date" (whichever applies) was not invited. 

If it would be nice to chat to them, or you think they might be obstinate, then call when they WILL be home. 

doodlemor

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2013, 12:12:56 AM »
Oh my!

I agree with Sophia.  You are going to have to call these people and talk to them about the "misunderstanding."  Although it is easier to leave a message, there is never a 100% certainty that it has been received.  As difficult as this may seem to be, you need to talk to them.  Remember that they are the ones who are in the wrong.

Here is a link to 3 helpful threads on the sister site Hell's Bells.  I think that you will find some useful information there.

http://weddinghellsbells.com/?tag=rsvp

I wonder if these people realize that you are serving a formal, plated dinner.  As for the people making the facebook enquiries, I think that you should tell them outright that this is an adult wedding and reception.

I think that you should have a seating chart and place cards.  If people persist in bringing uninvited children you don't want them to take the seats of your invited guests.

poundcake

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2013, 05:30:57 AM »
I had this happen, too, with about a half-dozen of our invites. One aunt added four family members, because she wanted to bring her granddaughter and their kids, who I'd never met. I had to make a few calls and say "I'm sorry, we're on a very limited budget, and can't accommodate additional guests." Several were gracious about it, but two family members, including the aforementioned aunt, fought us on it. "Well, I'll pay for their dinners!" "I didn't think it would be a big deal." "If our grandchildren aren't welcome then I don't feel welcome!" "Weddings are about family!" If only I'd had eHell at the time, it would have saved a lot of tears and frustration.

MaryMy, whoever has to make the phone calls should have a number of responses ready, and practice them beforehand so no one is blindsided by any of their rudeness. The standard "I'm afraid that's not possible" and "I can't accommodate that request" as well as the "don't JADE!" mantras are perfect for this. Good luck!

*inviteseller

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2013, 11:47:11 AM »
I have yet to be involved in a wedding, whether it was a friend/relative, or through my job, that this hasn't happened to.  The lucky thing is, they are letting you know ahead of time so you can politely nip it in the bud.  There is nothing like walking into your reception, happy to be spending this day with those closest to you and finding out that the invitation that was addresses only to husband and wife with the invitation that stated adult reception did not apply to half of your new husbands family and they all brought their kids and the catering manager is trying to figure out how they are going to feed  and seat 15 extra people and you need to pay $27.00/per kid ($405.00 dollars for uninvited guests on a small budget).  Tell them now and have a very tight seating chart and possibly someone to 'assist' in only the invited guests sitting and having a meal, while the uninvited guests can wait outside the reception area. 

Sophia

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2013, 03:30:31 PM »
Mine didn't.  At least in a bad way. 
My SIL added her boyfriend.  I would have invited him if I knew anything about her life. 
A good friend of mine added his girlfriend, who I'd met.  She would have been invited except I had a brain fart. 

Wait, I guess it kind of did happen to me.  DH's soccer buddies brought some random extra people, but a family from that group stayed home sick so I didn't particularly notice. 

johelenc1

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2013, 10:08:51 PM »
Definitely call them, but ahead of time - prepare your scripts.  You know how telemarketers have an answer for everything...it's because it's all in a script.  What they say first, second,etc. and then answers to all the possible "objections".  Create your own.  This of all the answers you think someone might give you - positive and negative, but especially negative, and type of your answers.  Then you will be ready for anything they throw at you when you emphatically tell them NO!

YummyMummy66

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2013, 08:15:46 AM »
I would be calling or sending some of form letter to all who respond with extra guests that were not invited.

And I would make it simple and sweet.

I am sorry, so and so, but there seems to have been a misunderstanding.  Jack and Jill's wedding invitation was addressed to so and so.  There is no room for extra guests.  Please let me know asap if , (who was actually invited), will still be attending the wedding so that we may give the caterer the correct number of attendees.  IF we do not hear from you, we will assume that you wil not be attending and deduct the number from our total due to the caterer. 

This way, if they call and say, oh so and so will not eat much, "I am sorry. We have set our limit.  We simply cannot have any more additional guests.  If I let one family do it, then I will have to let everyone do it and you are not the only family that responded with additional guests.  If they say, we will pay for it, you respond, I am afraid that will not be possible.  Will you and Mack still be attending?".

Stick to your guns. 

Margo

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2013, 08:48:09 AM »
I agree with YummyMummy that you need to contact the people who have added to their invites. It's very rude, as a guest,  to invite extra people to someone else's  event.

I personally would not mention that other people have done the same - (I can see that turning into an excuse for them to say you're being unreasonable, it's normal to add extras, look everyone does it...)

Stick to "I'm afraid you've misunderstood. The invitation was for John and Jane . If we had been able to invite Janette and Jonathan and little Sproglet we would have sent them an invitation / put their names on the invitation. We have a very strict limit on the number of guest we can invite and we are not able to add to it in any circumstances."

If they push, I would move on to
"I hope you, John, and Jane, can still attend. Please make sure that Janette and Jonathan understand the situation, that while we would have liked to be able to invite them, it just is not possible. Please don't encourage them to come, as it will be really embarrassing  for them to be turned them away,and I'm sure you would not want to be the cause of that"

If you think the original invitees won't accept what you say then I would contact the extras direct and explain that unfortunately, their has been a misunderstanding by their parents / siblings (whoever is adding them on) and that you just want to make sure that they know that while you'd have loved to be able to invite them, unfortunately the limits on the size of the guest list meant that that wasn't possible, and you don't want them to be embarrassed by being turned away as a result of their parent/friend/whoever's misunderstanding. It's an awkward conversation to have, but better to have it in advance, when you can make clear that you have just found out about this misunderstanding, than to find you have uninvited guests showing up at the wedding.
 

doodlemor

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2013, 06:32:24 PM »
Is there an update, MaryMy?

Katana_Geldar

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2013, 04:40:21 PM »
When in doubt, blame the venue for restricting numbers.

Our wedding only had a few of these, and I was able to explain to invitee that their request wouldn't be possible.

Erich L-ster

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Re: rsvp's
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2013, 04:46:13 PM »
Somebody is going to have to be assigned the role of "bad guy" and call them and tell them that extra guests are not invited (although they should have known this and it's entirely their fault/bad manners).