Big birthday celebration

[bonyk]

Background:  I have a close group of friends that I have known for over 20 years (wow, typing that out makes me feel old!).  One of the ladies (Diana) has been single for most of that time, while the rest of us have slowly been getting married and having children.  In the past, Diana has expressed feeling a bit left out and lonely.

Well, 2 months from now, the only other single friend (Emily) is getting married.  Diana is now officially the only single one left and I was worried about how she'd take Emily's wedding.  However, Diana decided to plan a special day for Emily, and is really going out of her way to make it special for her.

The question:  I was thinking that I'd like to plan a special birthday celebration for Diana.  She hasn't had any special celebrations for herself.  However, big birthday celebrations are not common in our circle.  Would such a celebration come off as something nice to celebrate a friend, or as a pity party for the single girl? 

[Kiara]

I think it depends on your group of friends.  I wouldn't think it's a pity party, but one of my dear friends has already said she's throwing me a party on my birthday, because I'm single and celebrate with my parents, and they'll be out of town that weekend.  And our friends won't be pitying me.....it'll be more "YES!  An excuse for a party and homemade food!" 

So having been Diana, I say go for it.  I'd be touched.

[Thipu1]

If Diana's fine with the idea and your friends are also on board, I'd say you should go with it.

It doesn't sound like a  pity party. It sounds like an opportunity to celebrate friendships. That's reason enough for a party, IMHO.   
 

[Deetee]

As a "You are awesome and we haven't had an excuse to have a party for your awesomeness, let's do something fantastic for your birthday" it is a great idea.

If it "awwwww, you are single,. That sucks. Here, have a party instead of a life partner." Its a terrible idea.

Single isn't a disease or a condition to be corrected. About half the population is single (even though it sometimes feels that is not the case).

So anyhow, I think its a great idea to make a fuss over a friend when there hasn't been a chance to and I think its a good idea in general. I think you are a good friend. I'm just a tad uncomfortable with how much of your op deals with her state of single ness versus everyone else.

[Amava]

It would be perfectly possible to pull of as "something awesome for an awesome friend", and not as a pity party.

But one thing you have to be sure of is whether your friend /likes/ big parties and being the center of attention. I for one don't, but if she does, then go for it! 

[Zilla]

I would have never thought it was a pity party because she was single if you had mentioned you were throwing her a birthday party.  I think you should really thing about where you are coming from on this as it might come through as a pity party.


If she will be completely shocked at this huge bash at her expense when none of her friends (regardless married or not) never had one, I think perhaps scaling it back to a really nice formal dinner party.  Either way it's a lovely idea.

[rose red]

Being single is nothing to pity  .  Throwing a big party for her and nobody else (in the past or future) might make her wonder what the heck's going on. 

[bonyk]

Single isn't a disease or a condition to be corrected. About half the population is single (even though it sometimes feels that is not the case).

So anyhow, I think its a great idea to make a fuss over a friend when there hasn't been a chance to and I think its a good idea in general. I think you are a good friend. I'm just a tad uncomfortable with how much of your op deals with her state of single ness versus everyone else.

I would have never thought it was a pity party because she was single if you had mentioned you were throwing her a birthday party.  I think you should really thing about where you are coming from on this as it might come through as a pity party.

I have no problem with her being single.  I am fully aware that it is not a disease.  As I stated in the OP, she has expressed that she has a problem being single. 

[bonyk]

Does anybody have any good wording suggestions to explain why we are having such a big celebration for Diana's birthday?  There's no way she won't ask why.  Does "Because we love you and want to celebrate you!," sound okay?

[rose red]

Does anybody have any good wording suggestions to explain why we are having such a big celebration for Diana's birthday?  There's no way she won't ask why.  Does "Because we love you and want to celebrate you!," sound okay?

I think it sounds condescending (don't we all love each other in the group?  Why only celebrate me?), but I'm not your friend and she may feel different.

Is it at least a milestone birthday?

eta: What about the guest list?  Will there be any other singles?

[bonyk]

Does anybody have any good wording suggestions to explain why we are having such a big celebration for Diana's birthday?  There's no way she won't ask why.  Does "Because we love you and want to celebrate you!," sound okay?

I think it sounds condescending (don't we all love each other in the group?  Why only celebrate me?), but I'm not your friend and she may feel different.

Is it at least a milestone birthday?

eta: What about the guest list?  Will there be any other singles?

The guest list would be just us girls:  No spouses, no kids.  It's not a milestone birthday.  I could go with, "Because we needed a girls' night out, and your birthday gave us a good excuse!," but that feels condescending to me.

[Zilla]

Just to be clear, I never thought you thought it was a disease.  Just that I never would have thought it was a pity party till you mentioned it.  I would have thought it was a birthday party to celebrate her.  And now that I see it's just you girls and not a big bash with everyone.  You don't have to justify it.  Just tell her you are applying and want to celebrate her birthday in style.   

Single isn't a disease or a condition to be corrected. About half the population is single (even though it sometimes feels that is not the case).

So anyhow, I think its a great idea to make a fuss over a friend when there hasn't been a chance to and I think its a good idea in general. I think you are a good friend. I'm just a tad uncomfortable with how much of your op deals with her state of single ness versus everyone else.

I would have never thought it was a pity party because she was single if you had mentioned you were throwing her a birthday party.  I think you should really thing about where you are coming from on this as it might come through as a pity party.

I have no problem with her being single.  I am fully aware that it is not a disease.  As I stated in the OP, she has expressed that she has a problem being single. 

[MariaE]

The guest list would be just us girls:  No spouses, no kids.  It's not a milestone birthday.  I could go with, "Because we needed a girls' night out, and your birthday gave us a good excuse!," but that feels condescending to me.

Actually I think that's the perfect response! Doesn't sound condescending to me but rather "Hey, any excuse for a party "

[kudeebee]

If your group doesn't celebrate birthdays in a big way, it could come across as a "poor diane, we must do something for her" pity type party.  I would wait until there really was something to celebrate.

[Deetee]

Does anybody have any good wording suggestions to explain why we are having such a big celebration for Diana's birthday?  There's no way she won't ask why.  Does "Because we love you and want to celebrate you!," sound okay?

I think it sounds condescending (don't we all love each other in the group?  Why only celebrate me?), but I'm not your friend and she may feel different.

Is it at least a milestone birthday?

eta: What about the guest list?  Will there be any other singles?

The guest list would be just us girls:  No spouses, no kids.  It's not a milestone birthday.  I could go with, "Because we needed a girls' night out, and your birthday gave us a good excuse!," but that feels condescending to me.

I think that sounds fine.  I think the whole idea is great and you should totally do it. I would hate for your generous and kind impulse to be squashed by our what its? I just think you should avoid mentioning that this has anything to do with singleness and focus on her awesome friend ness (and maybe maybe if pushed the slight unfairness of not having a big celebration for her)

As for waiting to have something to celebrate, a close friendship and a birthday IS something to celebrate.

Go for it.