Update to drunk, stupid or inconsiderate

[veryfluffy]

You may recall my recent query regarding the friend who rang me when she was drunk even though she knew it would be 4 am where we were...Well, yesterday she telephoned to wish me happy new year, at the rather more sensible hour of 4 p.m. Unfortunately, this was about two hours after I got back from the vet with my dog, with a diagnosis of advanced cardiomyopathy, i.e. heart disease. Basically, my perfect 5 year old pooch could drop dead any minute. So I really wasn't in the best mood to speak to anyone, or to remember any of the wonderful advice and comments psoted here. She noticed I didn't sound all that happy to hear from her, and I did sort of expect her to mention her lunatic phone call at least, and hopefully apologise for it, but she just seemed to want to chat. So when she asked how I was, I said "I've just found out my dog is going to die." I'm guessing she will put my foul mood down to that, rather than residual disagreeableness about her personally. I wish I could have handled it all better.

[Verruca]

I'm so sorry, veryfluffy.  I think you handled it as best you could given the stress you're under.  I'll be thinking about you and your puppy often - please accept my virtual hugs for both of you.

[Lisbeth]

I'm very sorry to hear about your dog.

However, I do think it would be appropriate to make it crystal clear that your friend is not to call you in what is your middle of the night even if she doesn't apologize.  (Based on your description of her, I think she is never going to apologize even after you call her on it.) If she doesn't understand how rude it is to do that as a "joke", I'd stop answering her late-night calls.

[hobish]

I understand why you didn't say anything at the time, but i still think you should. You seemed really really mad in the original post. From the (shame-faced) position of someone who might have been the caller many years ago ... if someone was as disgusted with my behavior as you were, i would actually prefer you say something. As for not apologising even if you do tell her how ticked you were ... that's just not cool. There is also the thought to consider that if she was drunk dialing she may not even remember that she called you. It isn't your job to be her wake-up call (no pun intended!) but that may just be the case.

I am so sorry to hear about your dog. That's so sad.

[MerryRaven]

I kind of agree.

I understand not dealing with her when you just got back to the vet.  But I think you are going to have to talk to her and tell her that you are not happy about her phone call in the middle of the night. 

You have to set boundaries sometimes.   

I had a friend like this who finally called me up in the middle of the night to inform me that I had to leave my children (4 and 6) and my DH drive 200 miles to another city in order to pick up her son (3) because she was in some sort of complex, messy, soap opera type relationships and she didn't want her ex to get custody. 

My reply was "I don't think so."  It was hard as I really cared about her and I had taken care of her son from time to time since he was a year old.

Funnily enough, it didn't ruin the 'friendship'.  She used to call me off and on for years asking for 'favors.'

And yes her ex did get custody and yes it was the best thing for the child.