Author Topic: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?  (Read 4687 times)

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Softly Spoken

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #30 on: February 25, 2013, 02:09:06 PM »
^ But how do we not judge other's based on our own standards?

I pick my friends by their actions and I prefer to select people I see as considerate of others.  People aren't obligated to be considerate of others but I probably wouldn't go out of my way to make friends with them. 

Say your all watching a movie together and one decides to get a beverage and asks the others if they'd like him to bring one too and they except.  Then 30 min later another roommate goes into the kitchen makes a bowl of popcorn comes out and doesn't offer any to the other roommates nor does it offer to make them any.  I'd find that very odd and I would judge the person based on this behavior.  And I'd start taking notice on whether it was a pattern with the particular roommate or a one off incident.  If a pattern, it would influence my opinion of the person, my future offers of assistance, and whether I wanted to remain roommates.
I don't think your example of sharing food lines up exactly with an assumption/miscommunication about chores and shared responsibility. Not everyone has the same idea of what is considerate. OP did not give any indication that this is a pattern of inconsiderate behavior so I don't think people should judge John's character as inherently "lazy," "clueless," "thoughtless" etc. just based on this one (apparently isolated) incident. All we can take from the original post is that John did not bring in any towels other than his own, and OP found this fact slightly off-putting. If OP wants John to behave differently, they are free to speak up as PPs suggested.
In some shared house situations, people keep very much to their own "orbit" and keep their intermingling to a minimum. Unless people speak up and say things like "Do you want me to bring in the towels?" or "Hey, if you're taking in your towels can you please grab the rest? Thanks.", then everyone will just continue on the assumption that things are running as they should be. If people want something, they need to ask for it. We haven't evolved into a race of telepaths just yet. ;)
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Hmmmmm

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #31 on: February 25, 2013, 03:21:01 PM »
^ But how do we not judge other's based on our own standards?

I pick my friends by their actions and I prefer to select people I see as considerate of others.  People aren't obligated to be considerate of others but I probably wouldn't go out of my way to make friends with them. 

Say your all watching a movie together and one decides to get a beverage and asks the others if they'd like him to bring one too and they except.  Then 30 min later another roommate goes into the kitchen makes a bowl of popcorn comes out and doesn't offer any to the other roommates nor does it offer to make them any.  I'd find that very odd and I would judge the person based on this behavior.  And I'd start taking notice on whether it was a pattern with the particular roommate or a one off incident.  If a pattern, it would influence my opinion of the person, my future offers of assistance, and whether I wanted to remain roommates.
I don't think your example of sharing food lines up exactly with an assumption/miscommunication about chores and shared responsibility. Not everyone has the same idea of what is considerate. OP did not give any indication that this is a pattern of inconsiderate behavior so I don't think people should judge John's character as inherently "lazy," "clueless," "thoughtless" etc. just based on this one (apparently isolated) incident. All we can take from the original post is that John did not bring in any towels other than his own, and OP found this fact slightly off-putting. If OP wants John to behave differently, they are free to speak up as PPs suggested.
In some shared house situations, people keep very much to their own "orbit" and keep their intermingling to a minimum. Unless people speak up and say things like "Do you want me to bring in the towels?" or "Hey, if you're taking in your towels can you please grab the rest? Thanks.", then everyone will just continue on the assumption that things are running as they should be. If people want something, they need to ask for it. We haven't evolved into a race of telepaths just yet. ;)
Softly Spoken, I personally have not stated he was lazy or clueless but I do think his actions were "thoughtless".  He did not think to ask whether the others would like to bring in all the towels before heading out. When he saw 5 towels on the line he didn't think to himself... "OP washed my clothes, I wonder if I should bring in hers or offer to."  I really can't imagine a living situation that is communal enough that someone would wash clothes with others but it would be overstepping to bring them inside.

And as I said, this behavior wouldn't taint my perception of John forever, but it would make me start to notice if it was a pattern.

And I don't understand why the drink/popcorn isn't similar.  I bring you a drink but you don't offer to reciprocate with either sharing or making me popcorn. It's exactly the same thing to me.   

TootsNYC

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #32 on: February 25, 2013, 04:10:15 PM »
And I don't understand why the drink/popcorn isn't similar.  I bring you a drink but you don't offer to reciprocate with either sharing or making me popcorn. It's exactly the same thing to me.

Or with bringing me one of my own granola bars, thereby saving me from getting up--as I did for you.

(hypothetical you)

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #33 on: February 25, 2013, 04:37:04 PM »
OP, John was a wee bit elvish in not bringing them in. I would have brought all the towels in (if they were dry) and folded them and given them to respective parties. Small things like that help people in a house get on better.

I wonder, if John had to make a mad dash to bring the clothes in before it rained, would he just get his stuff?

Bijou

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #34 on: February 25, 2013, 05:59:44 PM »
I would have appreciated his asking me about it but I would just as soon bring my own towels in.  That way i can deal with them when I'm ready (fold, put away).
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

dawbs

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #35 on: February 25, 2013, 06:05:38 PM »
I would have appreciated his asking me about it but I would just as soon bring my own towels in.  That way i can deal with them when I'm ready (fold, put away).

This may have been John's thinking.
Heck-the people who work for me know that I don't want them to remove my papers off of the printer when I'm in the midst of a large printing job--it's not that I don't appreciate the effort, it's that I don't want to shuffle 47 pieces of paper at once--there's a reason for leaving them tehre.

It's possible he was thoughtless. 
But I think 'rude', in this instance, requires more motivation than neglecting to 'go the extra mile' for a house-mate--even when that house-made has gone the extra mile for him.

Marbles

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #36 on: February 25, 2013, 11:28:11 PM »
It depends (to me) on whether the towels were utterly dry and if there was a reasonable place to leave them. I could readily see bringing in my own towels, realising that they could use another couple hours on the line and leaving the others to dry. Or I could see not really knowing where to leave them and just not wanting to interfer.

Basically, I can see some non lazy scenarios and it would depend on how the roomate was the rest of the time.
I was thinking this, too. Especially since the OP saw this over breakfast. Around here, that would mean that the towels would still be damp with dew and not ready to bring in. I can see him checking the towels, feeling that they were still damp, and just taking his in to save the OP the bother, while leaving hers to dry fully.

mbbored

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #37 on: February 25, 2013, 11:48:02 PM »
I think he's clueless and thoughtless, but not rude.

POD.

Fleur

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #38 on: February 26, 2013, 04:40:02 AM »
It depends (to me) on whether the towels were utterly dry and if there was a reasonable place to leave them. I could readily see bringing in my own towels, realising that they could use another couple hours on the line and leaving the others to dry. Or I could see not really knowing where to leave them and just not wanting to interfer.

Basically, I can see some non lazy scenarios and it would depend on how the roomate was the rest of the time.
I was thinking this, too. Especially since the OP saw this over breakfast. Around here, that would mean that the towels would still be damp with dew and not ready to bring in. I can see him checking the towels, feeling that they were still damp, and just taking his in to save the OP the bother, while leaving hers to dry fully.

I agree. I don't think that we have enough information to call John thoughtless, let alone rude. Only the OP knows if this is a pattern.

cabbageweevil

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #39 on: February 26, 2013, 09:31:42 AM »
OP, John was a wee bit elvish in not bringing them in.
The picture one sees, is that if the Elves had a fault: it was a tendency to being rather pleased with themselves, and disdainful of the other, less dainty races in Middle-Earth... (sorry !  couldn't resist -- anyone's brain can outpace their fingers).

Zilla

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #40 on: February 26, 2013, 10:38:16 AM »
I can see if you are eating breakfast, would you want your clean towels on the kitchen table?  Or perhaps you like to wait till you take a shower to grab them while they are warm from the sun?  With these questions in mind, I don't think he was rude.  But it was a bit thoughtless as he could have said on his way out, "I am getting my towels, did you want yours now?"

Calistoga

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #41 on: February 26, 2013, 12:19:48 PM »
Me personally, I probably wouldn't bring them in, just because everyone seems to have their own standards of dryness. I would however ask if others wanted me to grab their stuff while I was out there, which is what he should have thought to do.

Winterlight

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #42 on: February 26, 2013, 01:05:50 PM »
It depends (to me) on whether the towels were utterly dry and if there was a reasonable place to leave them. I could readily see bringing in my own towels, realising that they could use another couple hours on the line and leaving the others to dry. Or I could see not really knowing where to leave them and just not wanting to interfer.

Basically, I can see some non lazy scenarios and it would depend on how the roomate was the rest of the time.

Agreed. I don't think I'd leap to any conclusions here.
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that_one_girl

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Re: Not bringing in my washing. Would this have bothered you?
« Reply #43 on: February 26, 2013, 06:46:04 PM »
He was probably just clueless.   
My husband doesn't bring up all the laundry, he will just go to the laundry room each time he needs something. 
I hate going back and forth, so if I need one thing, I will make one trip and bring every thing all at the once.
It's two different mentalities.  I think, "Ok how can I make the least amount of trips to the laundry room."  He thinks, "Need towel." then, "Need shirt." then "need blanket". 
Maybe next time catch him on the way out and politely say, "oh are you going out to get the towels?  Can you bring mine in if they are dry?"  This might get his mind working a little more toward the cooperative mindset you'd like to have in the house.