Paying for add-ons at a birthday party.. was I rude?

[DaDancingPsych]

I think the fact that the host, herself, bought add-ons for her own child indicates that it was okay to do likewise.

And whether we (internet readers) deem this rude or not, I think this very fact is what makes an apology unnecessary if not very awkward. By apologizing, it may make the host feel like his/her actions of buying add-ons was inappropriate. Even if we deem it rude, I think it would be rude to point out someone else's rudeness and has the potentially from changing the host's feelings concerning an otherwise fun party. Either way, I would drop it.

[WillyNilly]

I think the fact that the host, herself, bought add-ons for her own child indicates that it was okay to do likewise.

Well this is could be a chicken or the egg scenario - we don't know which came first.

Perhaps the birthday girl's parents hadn't intended on buying any add-ons but once they saw so many of the guests were getting them, they didn't want their own kid - the birthday girl! - to get a lesser toy, so they figured they had enough of a budget left to get a few extra's they hadn't originally planned on.

[amylouky]

Especially since originally the post says it was a few others, and now its suddenly everyone and the birthday girl too.  Personally though, I think it is more rude for the birthday girl to start a buying add-ons if the parents aren't paying for the rest of the kids too.

Sorry, I didn't think about it until after I wrote the OP. We went to an ice cream place after the animal place. DSs and I left about 15 mins before the other kids, because the party was running late at the animal place and the host asked me if we'd go on over so the ice cream shop didn't think we weren't coming, since it was close to the reservation time.  The other kids brought their animals in to the ice cream shop, and thinking back, they did all have some kind of little addons. Didn't mean to be deceptive, there.

[m2kbug]

Being that I have no children of my own, I have never attended a birthday party at this place. (In fact, I am confused as to what happens if the host does not pay for a stuffed animal. Would that mean that certain children would not go home with a stuffed animal? And what would be the point of a party there?) Anyways, it seems to be the expected there to include add-ons. The OP mentioned that all the other kids (including the host) got add-ons and the OP even anticipated having to purchase a stuffed animal. I think that if the norm for this party place is to add-on, then I don’t think it rude. To me that would be the culture of the party place (similar to the way the culture might be different between different cities or countries.)

But in general, I would think adding-on to be rude. One shouldn’t do extra beyond what the host is offering.

The bear would be included.  They run like the pizza parties or even weddings.  You can pick from packages, some cost more than others.  Basically, it's $10 a head or $20 a head, etc., which would include the bear, the food and drink, and a cake.  Or for pizza party, you would get X number of pizzas, drinks, 20 tokens for the games, and a cake.  Some places you provide the food or cake.  It just depends on the venue, but for Build-a-Bear, your package would include the bear, so everyone would get a bear, say valued at $15.  No add-ons.  You could probably get a package that included the bear+1 talk-button of a certain dollar amount, I don't know.

The talk button is when you press the paw and it says something.  You can pick your own saying and they stuff it into the paw.  Some cost more than others.  I never send extra money for these things, so they get what they get, 20 tokens or whatever the are offered. 

[DaDancingPsych]

Being that I have no children of my own, I have never attended a birthday party at this place. (In fact, I am confused as to what happens if the host does not pay for a stuffed animal. Would that mean that certain children would not go home with a stuffed animal? And what would be the point of a party there?) Anyways, it seems to be the expected there to include add-ons. The OP mentioned that all the other kids (including the host) got add-ons and the OP even anticipated having to purchase a stuffed animal. I think that if the norm for this party place is to add-on, then I don’t think it rude. To me that would be the culture of the party place (similar to the way the culture might be different between different cities or countries.)

But in general, I would think adding-on to be rude. One shouldn’t do extra beyond what the host is offering.

The bear would be included.  They run like the pizza parties or even weddings.  You can pick from packages, some cost more than others.  Basically, it's $10 a head or $20 a head, etc., which would include the bear, the food and drink, and a cake.  Or for pizza party, you would get X number of pizzas, drinks, 20 tokens for the games, and a cake.  Some places you provide the food or cake.  It just depends on the venue, but for Build-a-Bear, your package would include the bear, so everyone would get a bear, say valued at $15.  No add-ons.  You could probably get a package that included the bear+1 talk-button of a certain dollar amount, I don't know.

The talk button is when you press the paw and it says something.  You can pick your own saying and they stuff it into the paw.  Some cost more than others.  I never send extra money for these things, so they get what they get, 20 tokens or whatever the are offered.

So, it would be safe for a parent to assume that as a guest, his/her child will walk away with a bear without any extra cash needed. I am a bit torn now, because it appears more like a child can attend this party without his/her parents having to pay anything extra. However, it still feels to me that parents almost anticipate that when they accept a party invitation to this venue that they will be paying for add-ons. Either way, I still feel that no apology should be issued.

[DottyG]

parents almost anticipate that when they accept a party invitation to this venue that they will be paying for add-ons

They don't need to anticipate that.  The child is getting a nice bear (or other animal they choose).  That's a nice gesture on the part of the host who has held the party at that venue in order to provide each guest with something like that.  Add-ons are not required.  Your bear/cat/rabbit/whatever is just as good without a little jacket and shorts on.  Add-ons aren't required.

Heck, just about every teddy bear I've ever owned has been naked, and I didn't feel a burning need to buy them little outfits to cover their nudity.
 
 

[Zilla]

If it was low key but it would have been pretty obvious that yours had clothes and others didn't which might prompt those kids to ask the hostess where can they get the extras etc.


If it's Build a Bear, you can go back later and get the sound restuff into it along with clothes.  I have done this numerous times with my own kids when they wanted to swap out a sound or even got one in each paw. (eye roll)


I don't think it was rude but it's iffy for me.

[amylouky]

OK.. just sent Hostess an email thanking her again for inviting us to the party, and telling her that the boys love their animals, and haven't stopped talking about the party since yesterday.

I won't apologize because I do think it would be more awkward (also, knowing Hostess like I do, she would then feel horrible that I felt bad.. yeah, we're a family of apologizers).

I'm slapping my own hand, though. I did think it was awkward when the parent paid extra to get the bigger animal, but didn't even think about the addons at the time. DS3 had actually wanted one of the animals that cost $XX + Y too, but I had told him no, and pointed out the animals that he could pick from.

[m2kbug]

Being that I have no children of my own, I have never attended a birthday party at this place. (In fact, I am confused as to what happens if the host does not pay for a stuffed animal. Would that mean that certain children would not go home with a stuffed animal? And what would be the point of a party there?) Anyways, it seems to be the expected there to include add-ons. The OP mentioned that all the other kids (including the host) got add-ons and the OP even anticipated having to purchase a stuffed animal. I think that if the norm for this party place is to add-on, then I don’t think it rude. To me that would be the culture of the party place (similar to the way the culture might be different between different cities or countries.)

But in general, I would think adding-on to be rude. One shouldn’t do extra beyond what the host is offering.

The bear would be included.  They run like the pizza parties or even weddings.  You can pick from packages, some cost more than others.  Basically, it's $10 a head or $20 a head, etc., which would include the bear, the food and drink, and a cake.  Or for pizza party, you would get X number of pizzas, drinks, 20 tokens for the games, and a cake.  Some places you provide the food or cake.  It just depends on the venue, but for Build-a-Bear, your package would include the bear, so everyone would get a bear, say valued at $15.  No add-ons.  You could probably get a package that included the bear+1 talk-button of a certain dollar amount, I don't know.

The talk button is when you press the paw and it says something.  You can pick your own saying and they stuff it into the paw.  Some cost more than others.  I never send extra money for these things, so they get what they get, 20 tokens or whatever the are offered.

So, it would be safe for a parent to assume that as a guest, his/her child will walk away with a bear without any extra cash needed. I am a bit torn now, because it appears more like a child can attend this party without his/her parents having to pay anything extra. However, it still feels to me that parents almost anticipate that when they accept a party invitation to this venue that they will be paying for add-ons. Either way, I still feel that no apology should be issued.

Exactly!  They get the bear and the party and fun.  No extra money needed and I wouldn't plan on paying for the extra noise buttons for my child, just what the host provided.  I never send extra money for these events.  However, after the party was OVER, I don't think independently grabbing a bear t-shirt or shoes wouldn't be completely out of line, though the last time my child attended one of these events, the answer was "no." 

[Betelnut]

I don't think it is rude.  It's like being at Chuck E Cheese and buying extra tokens after the party ones run out.  I certainly doubt that the host thought it was rude.

[magiccat26]

As the parent of a 10 year old girl, I've been to a lot of birthday parties...including build-a-bear.

Honestly, I don't think the OP or the other parents were rude.  BAB is a money pit and almost every parent in my circle knows it.  The standard birthday package usually includes the choice of an animal priced around $10-$15 dollars and a small accessory (from a small selection) under $5.  Everything after that is extra.  When we've gone, the BAB employee in charge of the party explains the process and what is included up front.  You are told that anything above and beyond will be the reponsibility of the parent (not the host).

I've been to 3 of these in the past 10 years and no one sticks with the basic bear...everyone gets more and it's always been fine with the host.  When we go, I give Kitten a budget (usually between $10-$15) to upgrade with.  Almost every other parent does the same.

I've never known a hostess to be upset or offended by parents upgrading their animal.  IMO if you get upset by stuff like that, BAB is not a good venue for your child's party.

[Sharnita]

I think it would be more like being at Chuch E. Cheese and getting your kids pizza with all the toppings when the hosts only provided pepperoni.

[ettiquit]

I think it would be more like being at Chuch E. Cheese and getting your kids pizza with all the toppings when the hosts only provided pepperoni.

I was trying to relate this to Chuck E Cheese too, because that's where my DS had his parties when he was younger.  We never had a situation where the parents bought their kids any extras - the tokens that come with the party packages was always enough.  I do remember one boy running out and the others shared with him.  I don't think it would have bothered me if he had purchased more tokens with his own money, although it's more likely that I would have gone ahead and purchased more for the group. 

[rose red]

I think it would be more like being at Chuch E. Cheese and getting your kids pizza with all the toppings when the hosts only provided pepperoni.

I think it's more like giving your kid more tokens when they run out. 

If I'm hosting a party at BAB, I wouldn't mind and even expect it.  I'm not sure why, it just seems like that kind of environment.  The host provides the bear and decorating it is up to the kid and parents.

[m2kbug]

I don't think it is rude.  It's like being at Chuck E Cheese and buying extra tokens after the party ones run out.  I certainly doubt that the host thought it was rude.

Did you provide extra tokens for all the children or just your own child?  Do you feel the host didn't provide enough and, therefore, you felt you needed to make sure your child (and other guests and birthday child) had a better experience than what the host provided?