A minefield of etiquette and/or decency? Public breast feeding

[bansidhe]

I'm just going to pop in to say that I have never noticed anyone breastfeeding in public. Ever. That tells me that either a) I'm completely unobservant, or b) most women are very discreet about it. I'm betting on choice b. 

I suspect the screechers on both sides of the issue are a small minority and are probably prone to trying to control what other people do in a variety of other ways, also.

[Twik]

I'm just going to pop in to say that I have never noticed anyone breastfeeding in public. Ever. That tells me that either a) I'm completely unobservant, or b) most women are very discreet about it. I'm betting on choice b. 

I suspect the screechers on both sides of the issue are a small minority and are probably prone to trying to control what other people do in a variety of other ways, also.

I'd agree here, although it might be because my lack of observation is legendary.

[Wordgeek]

Twirly had the best read on the "empty vessel" saying.  It isn't putting down a particular opinion, but focuses on obnoxious, loud mouthed drama-mongering.

Don't look for offense where none is intended, hobish. 

[hobish]

Twirly had the best read on the "empty vessel" saying.  It isn't putting down a particular opinion, but focuses on obnoxious, loud mouthed drama-mongering.

Don't look for offense where none is intended, hobish.

I'm a little embarrassed. I was expecting contention so much that i did look for offense. I apologize.

Katana_G, that really is a cool quote, and i'm sorry i took it all wrong.

[Katana_Geldar]

Twirly had the best read on the "empty vessel" saying.  It isn't putting down a particular opinion, but focuses on obnoxious, loud mouthed drama-mongering.

Don't look for offense where none is intended, hobish.

Yes, and that is exactly what I meant by the quote.

No offence taken, and I was thinking of King Lear when I quoted it.

[girlysprite]

This reminds me of a cute experience of mine. A dew weeks ago I was over at SIL's home with my baby, who was 2 months old then. I asked if I could nurse him in the livingroom, and that was ok. She has two daughters, one of 7 and one of 9. The youngest is almost onsessed with babies. She has many dolls and poimts out every baby she can see. They were looking on while I was nursing and kept gushing how cute it was. Especially the youngest, who looked each time the baby had another drink. She also witnessed some milk as the baby let go, amd I just explained how breastmilk worked, and she found the whole sight just funny. I also told her a bit about expressing milk because she was so interested. Their mom didn't mind btw.

So a week later they were at my home, amd the older girl whispered me a 'secret'. A few days prior, as she and sister were playing with the dolls, younger sister lifted her shirt and 'breastfed' her doll. And she also held a bottle against her breast and then asked if she wanted the milk for her baby!

I really smiled because of that.

[DoubleTrouble]

I'm just going to pop in to say that I have never noticed anyone breastfeeding in public. Ever. That tells me that either a) I'm completely unobservant, or b) most women are very discreet about it. I'm betting on choice b. 

I suspect the screechers on both sides of the issue are a small minority and are probably prone to trying to control what other people do in a variety of other ways, also.

Agreed. I really wanted to breastfeed my twins as my mom had done with me & my twin, way back in the late 70's even though she got a lot of flack for it from family & friends. But my boys were preemies, having trouble figuring out the whole latching thing & not eating well in general. I talked with several lactation specialists on the phone after they were released from the NICU & I'll be honest that the militant "you must breastfeed" spiel that the last woman I spoke with was giving me was the final tipping point to send me into full-fledged postpartum depression (complete with two hospitalizations) by all but saying I was purposely & permanently damaging my children by not BF'ing.

I became very wary of all BF advocates after that as I didn't need a lecture about how I was not doing what was best for my kids. It made me realize that while yes, breast is best, it's not always possible for many reasons. People who can't see the other point of view often really don't understand that the whole point is to get proper nutrition for the kid; does it really matter what form the nutrition comes in?

I always read stories like this with a grain of salt. If these incidents really did happen the way they are described, a rational person would take things up the chain of command, polietly, before turning to another solution. But these days everyone wants the quick fix & with how fast things can spread on social media, incidents get blown out of proportion very quickly.

Breasts have become so sexualized that it's like everyone has forgotten what their real purpose is for. Kinda sad if you ask me

[girlysprite]

Stories like these make me glad that I have found a very polite and pleasant natural parenting forum (breastfeeding is a big part of it). Everyone is welcome, and it also has its fair share of bottle feeders. The people there also dislike the militant lactvists, as they only hurt 'the cause'.

[Firecat]

I'm just going to pop in to say that I have never noticed anyone breastfeeding in public. Ever. That tells me that either a) I'm completely unobservant, or b) most women are very discreet about it. I'm betting on choice b. 

I suspect the screechers on both sides of the issue are a small minority and are probably prone to trying to control what other people do in a variety of other ways, also.

Agreed. I really wanted to breastfeed my twins as my mom had done with me & my twin, way back in the late 70's even though she got a lot of flack for it from family & friends. But my boys were preemies, having trouble figuring out the whole latching thing & not eating well in general. I talked with several lactation specialists on the phone after they were released from the NICU & I'll be honest that the militant "you must breastfeed" spiel that the last woman I spoke with was giving me was the final tipping point to send me into full-fledged postpartum depression (complete with two hospitalizations) by all but saying I was purposely & permanently damaging my children by not BF'ing.

I became very wary of all BF advocates after that as I didn't need a lecture about how I was not doing what was best for my kids. It made me realize that while yes, breast is best, it's not always possible for many reasons. People who can't see the other point of view often really don't understand that the whole point is to get proper nutrition for the kid; does it really matter what form the nutrition comes in?

I always read stories like this with a grain of salt. If these incidents really did happen the way they are described, a rational person would take things up the chain of command, polietly, before turning to another solution. But these days everyone wants the quick fix & with how fast things can spread on social media, incidents get blown out of proportion very quickly.

Breasts have become so sexualized that it's like everyone has forgotten what their real purpose is for. Kinda sad if you ask me

I'm sorry about the struggles you had, and about how nasty that "advocate" was with you.  You didn't ask for them, but (((Hugs))) anyway.

And not picking on your post specifically, but it's been mentioned several times about the "real" purpose of breasts as opposed to their being sexualized. Among humans, I think breasts have become multi-purpose, depending on the context in which they're encountered, so to speak. I think the problem comes in when people only consider one purpose to the minimization or exclusion of the other. In other words, when I'm wearing a corset (for example), that's a reflection of the "scrabble-related" purpose; and when a mother is breastfeeding her child, that's the "practical" purpose.

[bloo]

And not picking on your post specifically, but it's been mentioned several times about the "real" purpose of breasts as opposed to their being sexualized. Among humans, I think breasts have become multi-purpose, depending on the context in which they're encountered, so to speak. I think the problem comes in when people only consider one purpose to the minimization or exclusion of the other. In other words, when I'm wearing a corset (for example), that's a reflection of the "scrabble-related" purpose; and when a mother is breastfeeding her child, that's the "practical" purpose.

Thanks for pointing this out, Firecat. Breasts are definitely 'multi-purpose'. Being a Christian, I'd like to point out that even the Bible writes of breasts for nursing and to be enjoyed in sexual pleasure. So breast-feeding is not the singular 'real' purpose for breasts, though it is one of the important ones!

Edited to add: maybe the "scrabble-related" purpose doesn't need to be public! 

[Katana_Geldar]

I've actually read why women even have breasts, as we don't have snouts like other primates. Our faces are so flat to allow passage through the birth canal that we need something that protrudes for the baby to latch on to.

And yes, I have read about the 'towers of ivory' too...

[Bluenomi]

This reminds me of a cute experience of mine. A dew weeks ago I was over at SIL's home with my baby, who was 2 months old then. I asked if I could nurse him in the livingroom, and that was ok. She has two daughters, one of 7 and one of 9. The youngest is almost onsessed with babies. She has many dolls and poimts out every baby she can see. They were looking on while I was nursing and kept gushing how cute it was. Especially the youngest, who looked each time the baby had another drink. She also witnessed some milk as the baby let go, amd I just explained how breastmilk worked, and she found the whole sight just funny. I also told her a bit about expressing milk because she was so interested. Their mom didn't mind btw.

So a week later they were at my home, amd the older girl whispered me a 'secret'. A few days prior, as she and sister were playing with the dolls, younger sister lifted her shirt and 'breastfed' her doll. And she also held a bottle against her breast and then asked if she wanted the milk for her baby!

I really smiled because of that.

DD, who is just about to turn 3, loves babies. One of the mums at daycare visits ti breast feed her baby and DD was so interested (she clearly doesn't remember doing it herself) and the mum explained everything to her. Now when she pretends to feed her baby when it's the bottle fed daycare baby she bottle feeds them and when it's the breast fed baby she breast feeds it  She got to milk a cow recently and everything clicked when the woman explain that the udders were the cows boobies, you could see a light go on in her head

[Erich L-ster]

I've actually read why women even have breasts, as we don't have snouts like other primates. Our faces are so flat to allow passage through the birth canal that we need something that protrudes for the baby to latch on to.

And yes, I have read about the 'towers of ivory' too...

I've seen a different theory on a show about evolution. The buttocks are the sexually attractive part on most animals and because humans evolved to walk upright, they needed that part to be in a place that would easier to present.

[Katana_Geldar]

I've actually read why women even have breasts, as we don't have snouts like other primates. Our faces are so flat to allow passage through the birth canal that we need something that protrudes for the baby to latch on to.

And yes, I have read about the 'towers of ivory' too...

I've seen a different theory on a show about evolution. The buttocks are the sexually attractive part on most animals and because humans evolved to walk upright, they needed that part to be in a place that would easier to present.

Well, given what the buttocks of soe primates looks like... I'm thinking of mandrills...

[Rohanna]

DoubleTrouble: I had a lactation "counsellor" walk into my room, and without introducing herself GRAB my breast and start mashing my son's face onto it... It HURT, he started wailing, and I started crying. My son never learned to latch, and I had to pump everything for him for months. He needed minor corrective jaw surgery at 6 months old, which was likely a lot of the problem. My younger son latched and nursed like a champ, but only from one breast- the other even he couldn't latch onto (it was also the one that was terrible to pump from).

There may be useful lactation consultants out there, but my experience with about 10 of them in two different cities has been that they have a VERY "driven" agenda, and that if things aren't working it's somehow your fault for not wanting/not trying enough. This ignores the fact that failure to thrive and co-nursing were common issues historically, and the infant mortality rate partially reflects the fact that some babies have a tough time learning to eat, and some mothers don't produce a great supply or have poor anatomy for the job.