Author Topic: do you think she's being a bridezilla?  (Read 10306 times)

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Tabby Uprising

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #30 on: March 14, 2013, 03:07:28 PM »
None of the new information that has been presented is any of the OPs business though. Those are all between the Bride and her future husband.

Except for the fact that she clarified that she is not, in fact, 'late' in ordering the dress. At all.

I was talking about the Mil situation and the groom changing his last name. Those are all between the bride and her future husband.

I completely agree, Siotehcat.  If future husband doesn't have a problem with it, what's the problem?  He knows what she is like and he not only likes her, but loves her enough to marry her.

If she's a nasty person, well, nasty is his type and what does that say about his character?  Sorry, I just hate the stereotype of nasty women somehow exerting mind control over helpless, sweet, and innocent men. 

Miss Tickle

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #31 on: March 15, 2013, 11:02:22 AM »
Is it possible she only invited you to be a bridesmaid because the groom wants your husband to stand up with him?

I think you should bow out anyway.  You don't like the bride, how can you support her? This is what I think of when people say someone is being P/A.  You said yes to something you didn't want to do, now you regret it but won't stand up and say forget it.  Instead you'll be sort of nice to her face and talk smack behind her back .  That's kind of cruel to the bride, no matter how you feel about her.  Do it now before you spend any money, and give her a chance to ask someone else. 

RooRoo

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #32 on: March 15, 2013, 10:11:17 PM »
Quote
Instead you'll be sort of nice to her face and talk smack behind her back .  That's kind of cruel to the bride, no matter how you feel about her.

We don't know that she is talking behind the bride's back. She told the story here, without saying she told anyone besides her DH.

And if the BtB reads this story, perhaps she'll mend her ways!
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Jenny13

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #33 on: March 19, 2013, 02:49:28 PM »
Is it possible she only invited you to be a bridesmaid because the groom wants your husband to stand up with him?

I think you should bow out anyway.  You don't like the bride, how can you support her? This is what I think of when people say someone is being P/A.  You said yes to something you didn't want to do, now you regret it but won't stand up and say forget it.  Instead you'll be sort of nice to her face and talk smack behind her back .  That's kind of cruel to the bride, no matter how you feel about her.  Do it now before you spend any money, and give her a chance to ask someone else.

I don't know where the assumption came that I am talking "smack" behind her back.  I simply posted about it here..I'm not trotting around airing dirty laundry all over town  :P
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cutejellybeen

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #34 on: March 19, 2013, 03:27:32 PM »
Jenny did your DH ever speak to the groom??



Jenny13

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #35 on: March 20, 2013, 02:53:05 PM »
Jenny did your DH ever speak to the groom??

He actually spoke to him today.  He explained that his btb does not like last minute things and is offended that although I am not late in ordering my dress she wanted it ordered.  Then he told my dh that she'll get over it. Why should I be worried about her getting "over" it.  We are going to discuss this at great length tonight. 
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Miss Tickle

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #36 on: March 20, 2013, 10:24:30 PM »
Is it possible she only invited you to be a bridesmaid because the groom wants your husband to stand up with him?

I think you should bow out anyway.  You don't like the bride, how can you support her? This is what I think of when people say someone is being P/A.  You said yes to something you didn't want to do, now you regret it but won't stand up and say forget it.  Instead you'll be sort of nice to her face and talk smack behind her back .  That's kind of cruel to the bride, no matter how you feel about her.  Do it now before you spend any money, and give her a chance to ask someone else.

I don't know where the assumption came that I am talking "smack" behind her back.  I simply posted about it here..I'm not trotting around airing dirty laundry all over town  :P

Perhaps smack is a little strong, but your feelings are very clear. And just because you don't see us, we're still people to whom you are gossiping about this woman.

This is not someone you consider a friend. You accepted the "honour" of being her bridesmaid when you really didn't want to.  You "immediatly told her that anything I could do to help with the planning process would be my pleasure" and yet when she actually asks for something you get angry, "I mean very angry."

Whoa. That's not okay.

But let's pretend you are a good friend of hers and are here for a sanity check. 

It sounds like it's 10 weeks from her wedding and she's panicing a little. You are the last BM dress hold out.  You have given two different reasons (size and money) for not getting your dress yet. You've known since December what your dress would cost, yet you have nothing set aside for it.  I'll trust that you have succeeded in your mission to get into that smaller post-baby size. It's not unrealistic to have your BM dress a couple months before hand. It's great you can order a bridesmaid dress that quickly, most places recommend at least 6 weeks. Maybe she's nervous her deadlines are unrealistic.  A couple of weeks isn't much time to fix any problems. Since you are married, you know it takes much less time for a tux (they just pull the correct size from the warehouse) than a bridesmaid dress requiring alterations.  It's super lucky your GMIL can alter your dress that quickly as well, most have to fit into a dress shop's schedule, and after the alteration nightmare my friend recently went through, it's totally understandable not waiting until the last minute.

You seem to be avoiding communicating with the bride who's wedding you are supposed to be helping organize. Why is your DH talking to her DF instead of you two talking to each other?

She's okay, maybe a little stressed, why are you so angry?

It's clear that the Groom is a dear friend, so for his sake, either bow out before any money (and more hard feelings) are spent, or suck it up, think positive thoughts and try to keep your feelings to yourself.  It would be terrible if your behaviour and attitude was the end of the relationship between your DH and his friend.

It would be worse if she actually likes you, and considers you close enough to stand up with her, and this is how she's rewarded for her esteem. That's why I suggested maybe she feels the same way and only asked you because she had to, for your DH's sake, and so he wouldn't be paired with another woman at the wedding while you sat and watched.

ladyknight1

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #37 on: March 20, 2013, 10:53:13 PM »
OP, I think a preemptive no would have been perfect for this situation. I don't think the bride to be is going to improve her attitude between now and the wedding.

Docslady21

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #38 on: March 20, 2013, 11:53:18 PM »
Is it possible she only invited you to be a bridesmaid because the groom wants your husband to stand up with him?

I think you should bow out anyway.  You don't like the bride, how can you support her? This is what I think of when people say someone is being P/A.  You said yes to something you didn't want to do, now you regret it but won't stand up and say forget it.  Instead you'll be sort of nice to her face and talk smack behind her back .  That's kind of cruel to the bride, no matter how you feel about her.  Do it now before you spend any money, and give her a chance to ask someone else.

I don't know where the assumption came that I am talking "smack" behind her back.  I simply posted about it here..I'm not trotting around airing dirty laundry all over town  :P

Perhaps smack is a little strong, but your feelings are very clear. And just because you don't see us, we're still people to whom you are gossiping about this woman. [/quote]

That's really unfair. By your logic, everyone on ehell is gossipping.

LeveeWoman

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #39 on: March 21, 2013, 07:29:01 AM »
Is it possible she only invited you to be a bridesmaid because the groom wants your husband to stand up with him?

I think you should bow out anyway.  You don't like the bride, how can you support her? This is what I think of when people say someone is being P/A.  You said yes to something you didn't want to do, now you regret it but won't stand up and say forget it.  Instead you'll be sort of nice to her face and talk smack behind her back .  That's kind of cruel to the bride, no matter how you feel about her.  Do it now before you spend any money, and give her a chance to ask someone else.

I don't know where the assumption came that I am talking "smack" behind her back.  I simply posted about it here..I'm not trotting around airing dirty laundry all over town  :P

Perhaps smack is a little strong, but your feelings are very clear. And just because you don't see us, we're still people to whom you are gossiping about this woman.

That's really unfair. By your logic, everyone on ehell is gossipping.
[/quote]

Indeed. Etiquette Hell would be a far, far smaller site if members didn't post about issues they're having with people off the site.

spaceheatersusan

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #40 on: March 31, 2013, 11:22:37 AM »

Indeed. Etiquette Hell would be a far, far smaller site if members didn't post about issues they're having with people off the site.

Not really.  The OP is bringing up issues that are not relevant to her situation at all in order to paint the bride in a bad light.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #41 on: March 31, 2013, 11:46:29 PM »

Indeed. Etiquette Hell would be a far, far smaller site if members didn't post about issues they're having with people off the site.

Not really.  The OP is bringing up issues that are not relevant to her situation at all in order to paint the bride in a bad light.

Or is the OP bring up said issues to show us why she thinks of the bride the way she does?  To give us evidence as to why she feels this matter is happening?  Also, I don't understand the "not really"; in one instance you're saying LeveeWoman's comment is improbable but in the  next you're talking about something unrelated.  Could you please expand on the "not really" if it isn't related to your second sentence or explain how it is related to the second sentence if it is?  (No snark, I really don't understand the congruence between the two.)


OP, while you probably should have said "no" from the start, hindsight is 20/20.  In the current instance, I think you should just talk to the bride face to face, if possible, and if not, at least over the phone.  Start off by saying, "I want to hear your concerns but I want you to hear mine, too.  I will listen to you without interrupting if you listen to me without interrupting."  Then do exactly that.  If she doesn't hold up her end of it (ie interrupts you), tell her that you think it is best you bow out now before things get worse, offer your condolences that you couldn't be what she wanted, and hang up.
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spaceheatersusan

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Re: do you think she's being a bridezilla?
« Reply #42 on: April 17, 2013, 07:48:15 PM »
Whoa, I'm replying to this really late!  Anyways, my "not really" would have made more sense if I hadn't trimmed the quote tree quite as much as I had!  The quote right above the one I commented on was that "everyone on etiquettehell was gossiping".  My point in saying "not really" was that there's a difference in telling your story and posting about issues we're having with people off the site, as opposed to sharing irrelevant details that will make the other person seem like a "bad guy" to make your case stronger.  The irrelevant details, in my opinion, is what constitutes gossiping and cattiness.
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