Author Topic: Give a gift/sign a card for wedding you're not invited to because you're female?  (Read 3760 times)

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TootsNYC

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... It's just something I've never encountered before in this office, where I've worked for over 10 years (so you can imagine how many people have gotten married while working here during that time) ...


...wondering why *this bride* (considering there was another bride in the office only ~2 months ago) ...

As for the "this bride but not the other bride" thing, they probably aren't close to the same people. The first woman's friends didn't organize anything at the workplace and the second woman's friends did. And I agree that the only-women thing was likely trying to evoke a shower.

It's also possible that "this bride" has a new coworker who is used to this sort of thing (or a coworker who finally feels confident or senior enough to propose this sort of thing).

katycoo

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I have to say, I'm less comfortable with the idea knowing that other brides haven't had the same.  That feels a bit elitist.

Aeris

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I have to say, I'm less comfortable with the idea knowing that other brides haven't had the same.  That feels a bit elitist.

Or maybe it's just new.

LifeOnPluto

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I think the organiser(s) erred in sending the list to the entire company. In my experience, it's normal for co-workers to chip for a wedding gift (even if they're not invited). But that's always done within the smaller group, not the entire company.

And I definitely don't agree with the "female only" thing. I'd also love the OP to ask the organiser why the men aren't included on the list.

lowspark

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... It's just something I've never encountered before in this office, where I've worked for over 10 years (so you can imagine how many people have gotten married while working here during that time) ...


...wondering why *this bride* (considering there was another bride in the office only ~2 months ago) ...

As for the "this bride but not the other bride" thing, they probably aren't close to the same people. The first woman's friends didn't organize anything at the workplace and the second woman's friends did. And I agree that the only-women thing was likely trying to evoke a shower.

It's also possible that "this bride" has a new coworker who is used to this sort of thing (or a coworker who finally feels confident or senior enough to propose this sort of thing).

The organizer has worked her for years. Probably about as long as I have. The bride has worked here for about three years or so.

Also, the organizer is definitely friends with some of our past brides. I can think of at least two with whom she was very friendly over the years.

I am not friendly enough with the organizer to say anything to her about this or question it at all. It would be extremely awkward. However, I'm getting together socially with a couple of people in the office (both of them, it just so happens, fairly recent former brides!) this weekend at a large party. If I think about it then, I might bring it up in a sort of "what did you think of that?" sort of way.

Not so much "what did you think of them taking up a collection for Suzy" but more like "what did you think of them passing the card around to women only"?

I'm actually doubtful as to whether this will occur again for the next bride... but I can almost 100% guarantee it will never happen when a male in the office is getting married.

I think the organiser(s) erred in sending the list to the entire company. In my experience, it's normal for co-workers to chip for a wedding gift (even if they're not invited). But that's always done within the smaller group, not the entire company.

And I definitely don't agree with the "female only" thing. I'd also love the OP to ask the organiser why the men aren't included on the list.

Yeah, exactly. If they had taken up a collection within her department, that would have been one thing. But it was just a list of females in the office.