Bait & switch invites

[lissybug]

I got invited to a hen's night. For $60, it included a private function room, burlesque class, photobooth style photography setup, a buffet, non-alcoholic beverages and some other games etc

So because this seemed like a reasonable amount of stuff for $60, I RSVP'd yes and paid in advance as requested.

Now 4 days out from the event, I got a message from the host indicating because not enough people could come, we wouldn't be getting the function room. So instead we are to meet at a dance studio for the class and then go out from dinner & drinks. Also in the message she said that 'for those who have paid, i'll bring your money with me'

Is it rude to change plans after people have RSVP'd yes?

Had this been the original plan, I'm not sure I would have gone as I'm a bit lukewarm about the burlesque idea but when it was part of the 'package' I wasnt too fussed. I figured I could just bow out in to the background for a while. But now that's the only 'entertainment' and apparently I've already paid for it, so I can't really now say that I'd rather not participate.

I'm also confused. Do you think the money will still be pooled for the meal? I'd rather we pay individually for dinner because I'm on a diet and I won't be drinking any alcohol as I have to drive home that night. So I imagine my bill will be significantly less than others. Is there any way I can ask if we'll be getting any money back?

[Katana_Geldar]

She should not have gotten the money from you until she was sure she could have the numbers to get the booking.

It's not rude to change plans, these things happen due to numbers. But it probably would have been worth it to get commitments for numbers from everyone before you decide on what to do.

I think she might be giving your money back, but you will have to ask her.

[heartmug]

Yes, it sounds like she is going to give you back your money.  You could call and say that you don't care for the new arrangement and then get a time you can pick up your money.

[WillyNilly]

I think, since its changed so significantly you can call or email the organizer to get more details. Just keep the tone light and curious.

One thing I'd like to point out though about cancelling - its a "hen night", that's like a bachelorette right? - so really the point of the evening is to celebrate for your friend. Imagine how hurtful it will be for her if the majority of her friends refuse to attend?

...which is why I think you should have a chat with the organizer.  Find out whats up as far as the plans, the money etc - its not rude to ask.  If you have any great suggestions, offer them up in a non-pushy way.  But try to be as available for festivities as you can muster up, because really its a party for someone, for a happy event, and while you of course should have fun and positive feelings towards it, a big part of the point if it is providing a good time for someone else.

[NotTheNarcissist]

Is it rude to change plans after people have RSVP'd yes?

 <snipped text>

I'm also confused. Do you think the money will still be pooled for the meal? I'd rather we pay individually for dinner because I'm on a diet and I won't be drinking any alcohol as I have to drive home that night. So I imagine my bill will be significantly less than others. Is there any way I can ask if we'll be getting any money back?

I wouldn't say it was necessarily rude to change plans as explained here, but I would say a mistake was made in not explaining up front that certain criteria have to be met before the event went as planned or hoped (ie a certain # of people have to RSVP yes, or a certain # of people have to pay up front).

Money is touchy. The only way to find out if the money will be pooled for a group meal is to ask the organizer.

Honestly in your shoes, I think in light of the change of plans, you have a legitimate concern about the money pooling & would like all or a set amount of your $ back.... after you find out the organizer's intentions. It may be her intention to refund 100%, but you're not sure yet. I am picky about my food & drink so I would clarify before hand.

[m2kbug]

I'm a little bit confused.  Is this a venue that was offering a package?   If there weren't enough RSVP's, so they moved the group to a different room, I would still expect the same package out of it. 

You state initially this included a meal and nonalcholic beverages.  Next you're worried about paying for alcohol (that you won't be drinking) and the cost of the meal since your diet will result in a less expensive meal...you were okay with the cost of the meal at first.  When did alcohol being automatically included with the meal enter the picture? 

If everything in this package is the same, just different location and rooms, I would probably go.  If everything changed and now your $60 isn't paying for what you bought, it's perfectly reasonable to cancel. 

Add to this, the friend sounds like she's returning your $60, so it sounds like the whole package was cancelled.  Again, I think it would be fine to cancel at this point since the arrangements are different than what you had originally planned and payed for. 

I think you need to have a discussion with the host on the details.

If I bought a package that included A, B, C, and D, and found that now they're dropping B and I have to pay extra for C, that is not what I signed up for, I would like a refund, please. 

[katycoo]

You need to ask the organiser what her intentions are.

I think you should be fine to order separately for dinner.  But do the class - they're fun, and much tamer than whatever you're imagining.

[NyaChan]

I would contact them and say that you had planned to sit out the burlesque class originally, but now that the plans have changed, you will be joining them for dinner.  I think her message indicates that you will be repaid the $60

[violetminnow]

From the way that the organizer put it, I would assume that they are planning on taking the money with them so that they can put the $ in for the class costs and the dinner. I think they mean that if you have not paid, then plan to bring $ to the event, and if you have don't worry.

If you get your money back it's unlikely to be the whole $60. The organizer has likely already paid for the dance class, and probably can't get a refund when you back out.

Personally, to avoid hurt feelings, I would go to the event even as it is. Your friend had a really great night planned, but too many people rejected it already. To have yet another person cancel, I wouldn't be able to avoid taking it personally. I suggest you go and enjoy the company if not the activity.

[Knitterly]

This isn't a bait and switch.  A bait and switch would be if you were told the event would cost $60, but you got there and were persuaded/pressured to spend $100 or $200 extra for an assortment of upgrades.

This is a case of an event being planned, but not enough people RSVPing to make it possible, so the plans have to be changed. 

It sounds to me like your money is going to be returned, and I think you can politely clarify that with the organizer. 

My question is, do you like the bride to be enough to go and celebrate with her?  If so, go.  I think it would be terribly hurtful if no one went.