s/o Food Dictators - Sleep Dictators

[Piratelvr1121]

My dh used to be a sleep dictator in that he'd pester me into going to sleep when he did.  His intentions were good, he just wanted to cuddle and spend some time together.  Well actually it was more cuddling than spending time in a talking sort of way. 

He'd get in bed and want to go to sleep at 9 or 10 and I'd lay there wide awake and wanting to talk but he'd get annoyed that I was keeping him awake.  He thought I should be sleepy when he was.   

He didn't seem to get that I didn't need to sleep 10 hours a night like he thought I did until he just got tired of me talking and gently pushed me out of bed encouraging me to go do whatever until I was tired and wouldn't keep him up.  He will still sometimes teasingly turn out the lights in the room I'm in but he knows there's no point in making me go to bed early cause I just can't sleep that early unless I'm sick.

[suzieQ]

I'm absolutely a night owl - my ideal schedule is to go to be around 2 AM and sleep until 10:30 or so.  For a while (before Bittybartfast) I was going to bed at 8 PM, waking up at midnight and writing until 4 AM, then sleeping another four hours and getting up at 8 AM to get Babybartfast to school.

Unfortunately, Bittybartfast STILL isn't sleeping through the night (at 8.5 months) and she's underweight, so I'm supposed to feed her when she fusses even if it's the middle of the night.  I haven't had more than a handful of good nights for over a year    Tonight I have a massive headache because Bittybartfast has been screamy (teething), so I'm upstairs on the futon and DH is downstairs in our bed.  Bittybartfast is downstairs, too, and I plan to close my door and ignore her until morning or this child won't survive until her first birthday    DH gets all mad at me for expecting him to actually get up with the baby once in a blue moon (seriously, it's maybe one night every two months?) but I NEED MY SLEEP!

My first one is nearly four and she still doesn't sleep through all the time. She only semi-regularly started sleeping through at 2 years 2 months, hardly ever before that. I did all the right sleep things. I made DH start getting up to her one night on a weekend and giving me a sleep in that morning, or there would have been a breakdown. DS is nearly two and he sleeps through maybe 4 nights a week?

I haven't had 3 nights of sleep in a row for four years. I may be insane at this point, I'm not sure. That's for others to judge. 

that has been the hardest thing for me with J developing diabetes. I had a hysterectomy when he was 3 months old and was very glad I'd never have to suffer the sleep deprivation that comes with infants ever again! Except when he was diagnosed, it was like having an infant again - night time checks, give him juice, wait a while, check again, try to get some sleep only to have to check him again. It was exhausting. And I was 13 years older than when he was a baby!

I still have exhausting nights when his alarm goes off multiple times, or when I suffer from insomnia, but at least it's not *every* night anymore.
I've given up on the idea of getting a good night sleep for long periods of time - it's just not gonna happen.

[suzieQ]

Mr Coley is lucky to be alive.

POD!! I feel your pain Coley. That would drive me NUTS. Oh wait. DH does the same thing except I'm in the recliner. Maybe our DH's are related? 

[Minmom3]

The only real sleep dictator I ever paid any attention to was my beloved Tiger, who died last year.  Starting at about 10:30 he would come into the living room, stay near the corridor to the bedroom, and stare at me.  He'd meow if I looked up.   Although he didn't lean on me in bed he'd want me to be there.  I still miss him.

That made me sad.   I'm sorry for your loss.

Cats can be SO funny.  My Noelle (2.5 yo Maine Coon) will climb up to the tops of bookshelves when she wants me to go to bed.  She'll sit up very straight, and shimmy her body, lash her tail, and glare at me.  If that doesn't work, she'll go to whatever pictures hanging on the wall she can reach, and try to look behind them.  Then, she'll sit back down and glare at me some more.  Next step is to get up on my dresser, and fool around, and she's NOT allowed up there ever.  The only way to settle her down is to turn out the lights and GO TO SLEEP, at which point she'll thud down from the heights, and come and plop half on me, so I can't move again.  As angry as she can make me when she's being a bad girl, I would miss the hell out of her if she weren't here anymore.

I'm sorry Tiger is gone from your life.  Bless their furry little hides!   

[Coley]

Mr Coley is lucky to be alive.

POD!! I feel your pain Coley. That would drive me NUTS. Oh wait. DH does the same thing except I'm in the recliner. Maybe our DH's are related? 

This has to be an inherited trait, right? 

[pinkflamingo]

I think I'm a sleep dictator but an unwilling one.

You can practically set your watch by my internal clock. Most nights, I'm falling asleep by 10:30pm and awake at 6:45am. On weekends, I am almost always up by 7:30am, no matter when I went to bed the night before.

The BF is more of a night owl, but he insists on going to bed when I do even if he is not tired despite me telling him that it's not necessary. He claims that watching me drift off makes him sleepy even though he's said that he's usually awake for at least an hour after I fall asleep. At least my ninja skills come in handy in the morning so I can get out of bed without waking him up.

[siamesecat2965]

Reading about pets reminded me I DO have a sleep dictator, when I watch my friend's dogs. The little one, aka "The Diva" goes to bed when my friend does, or at least goes to the bedroom as my friend usually watches tv there as her DH is in the LR. And gets up on the bed to snuggle.  When I'm there, I'm up later than my friend, plus since its just me, I prefer to stay in the LR until I'm actually ready to sleep.

So when the diva thinks its time for me to go to bed, she will whine, whimper, and generally be a pest, and any time I get up, she runs for the bedroom, only to be disappointed I'm heading for the kitchen, which is the other way! And then gives me the stink eye because I'm not conforming to HER schedule. I'll be there this weekend so I'm sure she'll be up to her old tricks!

[Venus193]

Tiger was a huge sweetheart, and Figaro is also.  He sleeps in the same spot as Tiger but thus far is willing to just get there first and wait for me.

[Lady Snowdon]

My dog and I are both sleep dictators, I have to confess. 

My DH is a natural night owl, who would be perfectly happy staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning, and getting up at about 10 am.  Unfortunately, he's chosen a career in the baking industry, where arriving at 7:30 am means you're an hour behind everyone else.  So I am his sleep dictator, reminding him of when he needs to come to bed, or making disgruntled noises at him when he hasn't come to bed yet, and it's 12:30 am, and his alarm is going to go off at 6 am.  He's slowly getting better, especially since he has a Kindle, and a lamp on his bedside table, so he can read in bed.  I'm glad he's getting better, because I detest feeling like my husband's mother, telling him to go to bed and to get up now dear! 

My dog is my sleep dictator.  He dictates that, no matter how late I stay up, I must be up before 6:30 am to feed him and let him out.  He'll let me go back to bed afterwards, but that's not really conducive to good refreshing sleep.  I'm naturally a morning person, so this isn't that horrible for me, but occasionally I fantasize about being able to go to bed at 11 and get up at 8, instead of going to bed at 11 and being woken up at 5:15.  Most nights I go to bed around 9:30 to cope. 

[CakeEater]

I'm absolutely a night owl - my ideal schedule is to go to be around 2 AM and sleep until 10:30 or so.  For a while (before Bittybartfast) I was going to bed at 8 PM, waking up at midnight and writing until 4 AM, then sleeping another four hours and getting up at 8 AM to get Babybartfast to school.

Unfortunately, Bittybartfast STILL isn't sleeping through the night (at 8.5 months) and she's underweight, so I'm supposed to feed her when she fusses even if it's the middle of the night.  I haven't had more than a handful of good nights for over a year    Tonight I have a massive headache because Bittybartfast has been screamy (teething), so I'm upstairs on the futon and DH is downstairs in our bed.  Bittybartfast is downstairs, too, and I plan to close my door and ignore her until morning or this child won't survive until her first birthday    DH gets all mad at me for expecting him to actually get up with the baby once in a blue moon (seriously, it's maybe one night every two months?) but I NEED MY SLEEP!

My first one is nearly four and she still doesn't sleep through all the time. She only semi-regularly started sleeping through at 2 years 2 months, hardly ever before that. I did all the right sleep things. I made DH start getting up to her one night on a weekend and giving me a sleep in that morning, or there would have been a breakdown. DS is nearly two and he sleeps through maybe 4 nights a week?

I haven't had 3 nights of sleep in a row for four years. I may be insane at this point, I'm not sure. That's for others to judge. 

that has been the hardest thing for me with J developing diabetes. I had a hysterectomy when he was 3 months old and was very glad I'd never have to suffer the sleep deprivation that comes with infants ever again! Except when he was diagnosed, it was like having an infant again - night time checks, give him juice, wait a while, check again, try to get some sleep only to have to check him again. It was exhausting. And I was 13 years older than when he was a baby!

I still have exhausting nights when his alarm goes off multiple times, or when I suffer from insomnia, but at least it's not *every* night anymore.
I've given up on the idea of getting a good night sleep for long periods of time - it's just not gonna happen.

That's just hard work. And you seem to be the same, it doesn't matter how exhausted I am some days, I lie in bed and can't go to sleep.

And then everything you read about health and well-being says, "Make sure you get enough sleep every night. We're depriving ourselves of sleep!" I think, "I'd love to get enough sleep - it's not me depriving myself!"

[Sophia]

...because I detest feeling like my husband's mother, telling him to go to bed and to get up now dear! 
...

I haven't found a solution for "go to bed".  In fact, that part has gotten worse.  But, I found a solution to the "get up now dear".  We have an adorable daughter.  From the time she was, probably a few weeks old, I'd have her wake him up.  He couldn't get mad at her eager face patting him and wanting him to wake up.  (Note, I am not a sleep dictator.  This would happen at the time that he asked me to wake him up)  It came in handy when her Grandmother was watching her and passed out in the bathroom (heart attack).  DD wasn't traumatized because she well knew the Wake-Up game. 

[scotcat60]

The nurses in the childrens' hospital were sleep dictators. I was in more than once, and you were sent to bed at about 7.30 p.m when as an II year old I was not sleepy, and then rousted out before dawn, and laughed at because you were sleepy eyed. In the afternoon, you were expected to take a nap, and were told off if you were not doing so. At 11, I was used to being wide awake, and in school in the afternoons.

Added to which, hospital wards are not exactly unquiet, and at night there wasa utility room where the light was left burning all night sometimes, and shining in on the bed I had.  I did complain, but more often than not, the light was not switched off.

[Dr. F.]

Reading some of these responses has made me realize that anyone trying to interfere with my sleep patterns or getting between me and needed sleep is a deal-breaker for me. I would NOT be able to live with something like that. One, or possibly both, of us would end up dead/disabled/sleeping in a different room or house permanently. That's something I just would NOT be able to tolerate.

[Cz. Burrito]

My ex-husband was a sleep dictator.  I've always been a person who goes to bed around 10 PM.  I'm just useless and exhausted after that. I get up around 6 or 7.  He would stay up until 2 AM and sleep until 11 AM.  I was fine with his sleep schedule.  He was not fine with mine.  He would wake me up to have "conversations" at midnight.  He took my going to sleep when I needed to as proof that I was "no fun" and "never wanted to do anything." He would nag me to go to things that *started* at 10 PM and then get mad at me when I would start dozing off.

[athersgeo]

I lived with my grandmother for a short time when I was around 19 years old. I worked swing shift for the local IRS branch, so I would get in from work around 2 am. At 7 am, grandma would stick her head in my bedroom door and say "Are you going to sleep all day?" because she was up at 5 every morning and thought sleeping in till 7 was indulgent...

Like I said, I lived with my grandma for a *short* time.

Oooh that brings back memories of my grandfather.

In my late teens I worked as a waitress at a sports venue. It was casual employment, which meant that one week I might work 80 hours; the next I might work 5. It also meant that my shifts could start any time after 8am and finish anytime after about midday through to 3am (yes, I did actually work 8am-3am once or twice!). All of which meant if I had a day off I generally wanted to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Without fail, he'd wake me up shortly after 9am - and the worst part was I couldn't really get grumpy with him because he invariably thought he was doing me a favour...

On the other end of the scale was an incident from a few years later: while I'd been away, the radiator in my bedroom had developed a leak. I arrived home (via a red-eye transatlantic flight and a three hour coach journey) to be greeted by the news that the plumber was going to show up the following morning to fix it. Early. Did I mind? My response was "I don't think I'm going to care" - and to everyone's astonishment (the plumber's especially!) I duly slept through the whole procedure.

Then there was my genuine sleep dictators. Two of them. One used to stand up on her back legs and claw the back of my computer chair (usually starting at about 10pm) until I finally gave in and went to bed; the other just used to sit at my side and stare at me from about 9pm until I went to bed - she was much more subtle but no less effective. It's very difficult to concentrate on writing scenes of death and destruction when there's a small tabby cat staring at you!