Author Topic: Crazy family & facebook  (Read 3486 times)

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Alynne1113

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Crazy family & facebook
« on: February 26, 2013, 06:13:53 PM »
BG: My SIL really dislikes me, when DH & I Started dating she told him point blank we were not allowed to get married before her. Since we decided to get married, without waiting for her  (she has been single for 13 years) it caused a lot of problems with DH family. To the point where I have not seen my IL's for two years (I promise their behaviour warrents the no communication) One of the main problems was that SIL used EVERYTHING off our facebook to cause more drama Ex. I posted about how happy I was to see a certain family member and SIL ran to her parents and told them we were spending all our time with my family and that I am turning DH against them by allowing him to spend time with my family ect ect.
About a year an a half ago we decided to remove SIL from our facebooks, we decided this together as the drama was getting out of contol and it seemed if I was ever going to reconsile with his family we would need to stop the rumors. (To be clear DH respects that fact that I would like nothing to do with his family at this point, I respect the fact that they are his family and he is able to spend time with them as he pleases, although, his time with them is very limited as he doesnt agree how they treat me) SIL never posts but seemed to use it to keep track of us.
END BG

After deleting SIL from facebook, DH Family keeps bugging him to add her back on. They make comments about how he is a bad brother and how when they die he wont have anyone but his sister as family (to which he replies--I have my wife) He has told them numerous times that he was not adding her back on. Now it has gotten to the point where his Aunts and Uncles either will not talk to him or make comments about how terrible he is for not being friends with his sister. The last few times he has seen her, she refuses to talk to him and glares at him or makes snippy comments.  Is it eaiser for him to just add her back and block her from seeing everything? was he in the wrong for defriending his sister for me?

*inviteseller

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2013, 06:56:42 PM »
Do not add her back.  That just shows that they can badger you both into doing their bidding.  Your in laws obviously do not want to believe your husband is an adult with a wife.  Just because they don't want to cut the apron strings with SIL, doesn't mean your husband can't take a chainsaw to the ones they are trying to hold him with.  How old is SIL?  She sounds like a petulant teenager !  My in laws tried the "oh look, they are spending time with *inviteseller's family so that means they don't love us anymore and she is controlling."  Hang in there and keep enforcing boundries

PastryGoddess

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2013, 07:08:09 PM »
He's not friends with SIL....does she not have a phone or email address?  Does she have one of those zany one way phones that only accepts phone calls but cannot call out?  Did 419 scammers hijack her email address?

nuit93

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2013, 07:11:01 PM »
Quote
was he in the wrong for defriending his sister for me?

No.  His sister sounds like someone you both are better off without.

MrTango

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2013, 10:23:23 AM »
If I were in your DH's place, I would unfriend and block anyone who commented to me about re-friending my sister.

onyonryngs

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2013, 10:36:03 AM »
No, he did the right thing.  His sister seems very immature and to drag extended family into the issue is just more proof of that.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2013, 10:44:32 AM »
If I were in your DH's place, I would unfriend and block anyone who commented to me about re-friending my sister.

PODinfinite She is majorly toxic and it sounds like the rest of the family is too.  I once blocked an aunt that kept pestering me via fbook to mend ties with my parents.  Actually I unfriended her first and she said something to the effect of "You'll be sorry you cut off family that loves you!" I rolled my eyes as I blocked her. 

Family like that is why I live by the credo "Friends are the family you choose."  I'm closer to my IL's than I am my own family.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

oceanus

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2013, 10:44:52 AM »
If I were in your DH's place, I would unfriend and block anyone who commented to me about re-friending my sister.

This.

It makes no sense whatsoever to communicate via FB or any method with someone who doesn’t speak, makes snide comments, gives dirty looks, and keeps stirring up things in the family.

amylouky

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2013, 11:59:00 AM »
My response to anyone who questioned the decision to defriend would be, "Oh, SIL and I didn't interact on FB anyway, she just used it as a drama-fodder mine. I prefer not to give her more ammo." And yes, that would be my response if questioned about it by SIL herself.
Maybe not e-hell approved, but the blame for the defriending needs to be where it belongs, on SIL's behavior.

oceanus

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #9 on: February 27, 2013, 12:08:15 PM »
I don't think a response or an explanation is necessary.

Despite what a lot of people think, Facebppk is not the be all/end all to everyone's existence.

spookycatlady

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2013, 12:12:41 PM »

Block them, just like MrTango suggested.  Then they can't see you, you can't see them.

In person, there is only one response to other family members. "This is between my sister and I and I will not discuss it." For you, "This is between my husband and his sister and I will not discuss it."  Change the subject, walk away.  If she brings it up, "This is not an appropriate venue for this topic and I will not discuss it."

There is absolutely no way to come to a reasonable conclusion to this game, so stop playing.

redberry

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2013, 06:28:03 PM »
I don't think a response or an explanation is necessary.

Despite what a lot of people think, Facebook is not the be all/end all to everyone's existence.

Bold is mine...could not have said this better. I use FB but would definitely block anyone who used my posts as drama fodder...my estranged sister did this once over a blog I maintained so I just stopped blogging.

If you would not ring the SIL and tell her the news that you know she is going to turn into an issue with the family, why would you give her access to that information via FB.

Alynne1113

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #12 on: February 28, 2013, 10:15:14 AM »
Do not add her back.  That just shows that they can badger you both into doing their bidding.  Your in laws obviously do not want to believe your husband is an adult with a wife.  Just because they don't want to cut the apron strings with SIL, doesn't mean your husband can't take a chainsaw to the ones they are trying to hold him with.  How old is SIL?  She sounds like a petulant teenager !  My in laws tried the "oh look, they are spending time with *inviteseller's family so that means they don't love us anymore and she is controlling."  Hang in there and keep enforcing boundries

His sister is in her 30's but she tends to throw hissy fits everytime she doesnt get her way.
Thanks everyone, I am hoping one day I will have a decent relationship with my Ils & SIL but I am not holding my breath..

oceanus

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #13 on: February 28, 2013, 10:29:38 AM »
Quote
She sounds like a petulant teenager ! 

That's too nice.  I think she sounds like someone whose life consists of making others miserable.  That's plain sick.

Promise

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Re: Crazy family & facebook
« Reply #14 on: February 28, 2013, 11:04:26 AM »
Normal people don't get bent out of shape about FB. My brother does not have a personal FB account but only a work one in which we are not friends. We mutually agreed that since he doesn't participate in FB on the personal level, he doesn't need to read my stuff while at work. Smart man! I' not in the least offended and I'm not so narcissistic to think that my brother needs to read my posts. If something happens that I think he needs to know about, we call or email. Since we also happen to work in the same place, I often drop in at his office to say hi. But that's how emotionally secure people behave. Your SIL isn't safe emotionally. Don't friend her because then you are giving in and it won't end. Dr. Phil has a new book out that deals with how to live when you have people like this in your life. You might want to read it.