Author Topic: Ask Amy 2/27/13 second letter: use of name  (Read 2784 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Yvaine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9027
Re: Ask Amy 2/27/13 second letter: use of name
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2013, 03:39:54 PM »
Exactly how I feel. Greeting someone by their name the first time is normal in a face-to-face or telephone conversation/message. "Hi John, how are you?" "Hi Jane, this is Daisy..." I even begin emails that way. "Hi Tom, I need to get the information for XYZ project. Can you please email me the specs?" On subsequent responses during the conversation it would be odd to keep it up but it's so abrupt to just begin a new conversation with "I need to get the information for XYZ project."

I can't count the number of times I've just said "Hi, how are you?" to someone in person. He already knows he's John--he doesn't need me to tell him every time I see him. :) On a voicemail, I generally start with the person's name if I think more than one person will check the messages, but if I know only Mary checks that number, I might start "Hey, it's Yvaine, I was wondering if you'd like to get coffee Saturday." As I mentioned above, I do tend to start an email exchange with the person's name but not keep using it afterward.

But all that aside, the question is whether the LW can demand that other people use her name when she wants them to, which I think falls under the pointing-out-faux-pas thing that we usually agree is impolite. I think some people just use names in casual conversation more than others, and it doesn't necessarily connote how much respect they feel for the person.

Aeris

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9641
Re: Ask Amy 2/27/13 second letter: use of name
« Reply #16 on: February 27, 2013, 03:53:12 PM »
I use people's names a lot, and I think it would be a bit unusual if someone never used my name at all, but I find the proposed wording of the response to the mother extremely off-putting. If someone said that to me, my thoughts would be "actually, no, I had no idea that you considered it important for kids to use names a lot, nor do I think it's necessarily my job to be modelling whatever the heck you've decided is 'proper', and thanks for implying that I've been remiss in my duties up til now."

It implies strongly that the mother has been screwing up by not using the teachers name, and furthermore, that she should obviously know better. I can absolutely respect that the teacher may have a valid preference for the mother using her name, but that needs to be expressed the way any other preference is expressed - as a gentle request that doesn't chastise the person.

"Would you mind calling me XXX in front of the children? We're working on blahblahblah habit, and it helps them remember when they see others do it too." <--- This is fine. It expresses a preference, indicates it's asking for a favor, and expresses no judgment about the behavior before the preference was shared.

But I honestly don't know how you ask a person to use your name in private interactions without sounding like a twit. "Would you mind starting your emails and voicemails with my name rather than just diving into the message?" It sounds nitpicky and snowflakey.

Bexx27

  • Striving to meet the minimum requirements of social acceptability
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1896
Re: Ask Amy 2/27/13 second letter: use of name
« Reply #17 on: February 27, 2013, 04:00:41 PM »
I use people's names a lot, and I think it would be a bit unusual if someone never used my name at all, but I find the proposed wording of the response to the mother extremely off-putting. If someone said that to me, my thoughts would be "actually, no, I had no idea that you considered it important for kids to use names a lot, nor do I think it's necessarily my job to be modelling whatever the heck you've decided is 'proper', and thanks for implying that I've been remiss in my duties up til now."

It implies strongly that the mother has been screwing up by not using the teachers name, and furthermore, that she should obviously know better. I can absolutely respect that the teacher may have a valid preference for the mother using her name, but that needs to be expressed the way any other preference is expressed - as a gentle request that doesn't chastise the person.

"Would you mind calling me XXX in front of the children? We're working on blahblahblah habit, and it helps them remember when they see others do it too." <--- This is fine. It expresses a preference, indicates it's asking for a favor, and expresses no judgment about the behavior before the preference was shared.

But I honestly don't know how you ask a person to use your name in private interactions without sounding like a twit. "Would you mind starting your emails and voicemails with my name rather than just diving into the message?" It sounds nitpicky and snowflakey.

I agree with this.

Honestly, I don't think I'd even notice if someone never addressed me by name unless it was really obvious, as in LazyDaisy's situation. If I did notice, I can't imagine actually caring enough to make an issue of it, beyond making sure the person knew my name (signing e-mails, including it on my voicemail, etc.).
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -George Washington Carver

CakeEater

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2826
Re: Ask Amy 2/27/13 second letter: use of name
« Reply #18 on: February 28, 2013, 10:59:09 PM »
What I found interesting in the response was the suggestion that having asked why the parent didn't use the name, the teacher should listen to whatever they had to say, then use her predetermined response regardless of what she'd said. In that case, why even bother asking?

I very rarely use someone's name when I'm talking to them. It seems really awkward to say their name all the time. And I would find it very off-putting if someone asked me to use their name more. I'd be tempted to do a PA response and throw their name  3 times in every sentence. 'Sally, I need to talk to you, Sally, about the other day. Sally, I'm not sure... etc'

In actual fact, I'd probably minimize all contact.

Allyson

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2047
Re: Ask Amy 2/27/13 second letter: use of name
« Reply #19 on: March 01, 2013, 02:00:42 AM »
I rarely use people's names in conversation, and find it very offputting when people 'overuse' my name in conversation. Once or twice is fine, but for some reason I really dislike it if people do it say, every sentence or so!