Bringing a 1 year old where?!

[LilacGirl1983]

Hey ladies another question..for those who want to know the ettiquete question right away its : How do I politely and firmly tell the grandparents in law that its our decision to bring our child to where we want to bring them? And no we aren't going to delay it.

BG: We are going to take our daughter who will be 6 and our son who will be just turning 1 to Orlando Florida for a 2 week vacation...well grandparents found out and pretty much said I was crazy and we should focus on getting a house and wait a couple more years to go to Disney...Hubby told grandpa the baby will be 1 and he had an issue with that. He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait. I got all the reasons we shouldn't do it and why It was crazy/silly...

[Veronica]

Well, to be honest, I can kind of see their point.  A one year old will not enjoy DisneyWorld.  We live an hour from there and we've decided to wait to spend the money on visiting a park when DS turns 3. 

It costs about $5,000 to spend 2 weeks at Disney and I can see why they'd try to encourage you to wait until your son can really enjoy it and have memories of it.   Of course it's your money and you have final say. 

[SassafrasT]

We took our daughter when she was 1 and our son was 4.  One is actually a perfect age to take a child to Disney.  They are content in the stroller and can ride most rides with you.  We had a good time.  If you want to take a one year old then take them.  People say, oh they are too young to remember anything, and it's true, but you and your DH are going to remember taking them and how much fun they had.

It's really none of the grandparent's business where you take your child.

[twiggy]

Well, to be honest, I can kind of see their point.  A one year old will not enjoy DisneyWorld.  We live an hour from there and we've decided to wait to spend the money on visiting a park when DS turns 3. 

It costs about $5,000 to spend 2 weeks at Disney and I can see why they'd try to encourage you to wait until your son can really enjoy it and have memories of it.   Of course it's your money and you have final say. 

But the 6yo will enjoy it. Should she have to stay home because Baby won't get as much out of it?

If LilacGirl wants to use her money to build a caravan of neon green Popemobiles, it's up to her and her DH. Grandparents don't get a say in how an adult couple spends the money that they earn. In OP's shoes, I would simply stop telling GPIL things. Don't mention that Baby will be one. Don't bring up Disney again. If GFIL tries to bring it up again, I recommend the copy and paste (I know there's an ehell phrase, but I don't remember it.) method;

GFIL: Baby won't even remember it
LG: So you've said, but our vacation plans are not up for discussion
GFIL: You need to save for a house
LG: So you've said, but our vacation plans are not up for discussion
GFIL: It's a waste of money
LG: So you've said, but our vacation plans are not up for discussion
GFIL: If you go to Disney, the mouse will kidnap the baby and force him into slave labor on the Small World ride
LG: So you've said, but our vacation plans are not up for discussion

though I'm sure there's a better phrase. That's just what I could come up with off the top of my head.

Get DH in agreement and stop the info train. What GFIL doesn't know, can't annoy you

[Sharnita]

Do you get any direct or indirect financial help from them?  Money, free child care, anything else?  Have they loaned you money in the past and if so have you repaid it?  You mentioned dad wanting to get you a house, where do you live now and do they have any connection to your housing?

I think that if you want to tell them that it isn't their business I think that is reasonable - if there is no way it is their business.  However, if they any connection to your financial  situation then it would be disingenuous to say that.

[Roe]

We celebrated my son's first birthday at Disney!  It's a perfect age to visit the parks but you have to do it "right" for your family.  (our family decided to take it slow and instead of rushing from one ride to another, we decided to enjoy a handful of things and spend more time at the resort)

Disney also has Baby Centers where I would go with my son when he needed a quiet place to take a quick nap. 

My boys are all older now and we still enjoy Disney but there's nothing like seeing Disney through the eyes of a one year old. (or two year old) 

[SiotehCat]

Do you get any direct or indirect financial help from them?  Money, free child care, anything else?  Have they loaned you money in the past and if so have you repaid it?  You mentioned dad wanting to get you a house, where do you live now and do they have any connection to your housing?

I think that if you want to tell them that it isn't their business I think that is reasonable - if there is no way it is their business.  However, if they any connection to your financial  situation then it would be disingenuous to say that.

I completely agree with this.

I do think that if they help you financially, then they should have some say. If that is the case, I can't fault them for saying something.

However, if that is not the case, then I would refuse to discuss vacation plans with them.

[artk2002]

Use one of the stock phrases: "How kind of you to take an interest." "We'll take that under advisement." Twiggy's "So you've said, but our vacation plans are not up for discussion" is excellent. Using one phrase consistently (the "Toots Special") is very effective.

What you don't want to do is JADE (apologies to the people who hate that as being "trendy." It's accurate.) That is Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. Every reason you state gives them two things: First, it tells them that their opinion matters in this -- that they actually have a say in what you do. Second, it gives them something to refute, and refute it they will. Every response is just the lead-in to further discussion.

[Slartibartfast]

You could point out that kids 2 and under are FREE!  That's a huge savings, and a big part of the reason we're planning on Disney next fall (when Babybartfast will be 6 and Bittybartfast will be 2.5).  Yes, Bittybartfast won't really remember it, but if we wait until she's four or five, Babybartfast will be too old to enjoy the park in the same way.

[Kaypeep]

Are these the same grandparents who insist you send your 5 year old DD to them to camp for a week with their other grandchildren?  These people sounds quite interesting and opinionated.

I like the Toots Special suggestion of repeating the same line to every comment or question.  Only I'd add "Thanks for your unsolicited opinion, but our vacation plans are not up for discussion."

[Moray]

Hey ladies another question..for those who want to know the ettiquete question right away its : How do I politely and firmly tell the grandparents in law that its our decision to bring our child to where we want to bring them? And no we aren't going to delay it.

BG: We are going to take our daughter who will be 6 and our son who will be just turning 1 to Orlando Florida for a 2 week vacation...well grandparents found out and pretty much said I was crazy and we should focus on getting a house and wait a couple more years to go to Disney...Hubby told grandpa the baby will be 1 and he had an issue with that. He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait. I got all the reasons we shouldn't do it and why It was crazy/silly...

The bolded sounds like more of their primary concern. They sound as though they're trying to steer you towards something with longer-lasting "value", like a house now, and maybe an extended Disney vacation when both your children are old enough to fully appreciate the park.

Obviously it's your money to spend as you like, but I'd try to remember that they're coming from a place of love. Reassure them that you're budgeting appropriately for your household needs and then don't discuss it further.

[*inviteseller]

Do you live with them, or do they support you guys to help keep a roof over your head?  If not they have no say as to when you, the parents, choose to take your kids to Disney.  If you wait till the 1 yr old is old enough , say 5, then you 6 yr old will be getting too old for the magic.  Just keep telling them it is not up for debate. 

[FoxPaws]

People say, oh they are too young to remember anything, and it's true, but you and your DH are going to remember taking them and how much fun they had.

This is the perfect answer:

GPIL: The baby won't remember a thing!
You: Yes, but we will!

[Moray]

OP, are your folks helping you make ends meet? I think that might inform my answer.

[Two Ravens]

OP, you have posted before about your financial troubles, correct? Have they been completely resolved? A two week vacation at Disney is a huge splurge, even for the most comfortable families of four. Otherwise, I can understand your family's concern, especially with a new baby coming....