Bringing a 1 year old where?!

[TootsNYC]

People say, oh they are too young to remember anything, and it's true, but you and your DH are going to remember taking them and how much fun they had.

This is the perfect answer:

GPIL: The baby won't remember a thing!
You: Yes, but we will!

Plus, one of your most important jobs as a parent is NOT buying a house but *creating memories for and with your children.*

Going now means your 6yo will get to see the 1yo enjoy Disney, too. Not just will the parents remember the 1yo enjoying Disney, but the big brother/sister will as well.

And the 1yo will remember looking at the picture of Disney and hearing the stories of what he/she did, and which parts he/she enjoyed.

Memories are more important than houses--they last longer.

[onyonryngs]

I can kind of see your FIL's point.  The youngest is 1 and you're due in early June.  Neither one of you will be able to ride any rides.  It seem that the only your DH and the 6 year old are going to get much fun out of the trip.

[NyaChan]

I don't think it matters whether or not we can see his point. No one, including FIL, was asked for their opinion on whether they should go on this trip. As adults and parents, their financial and vacation plans are not subject to FIL's approval absent a circumstance where he is helping out with money.

[SiotehCat]

I can kind of see your FIL's point.  The youngest is 1 and you're due in early June.  Neither one of you will be able to ride any rides.  It seem that the only your DH and the 6 year old are going to get much fun out of the trip.

Why wouldn't the OP be able to ride any rides?

[onyonryngs]

I can kind of see your FIL's point.  The youngest is 1 and you're due in early June.  Neither one of you will be able to ride any rides.  It seem that the only your DH and the 6 year old are going to get much fun out of the trip.

Why wouldn't the OP be able to ride any rides?

It's not exactly a good idea to ride roller coasters when you're having a difficult pregnancy.

[LadyR]

We're getting this a bit as well as we plan in going in fall 2013, right before my DS' 3rd birthday. The baby will be 15 months at the time.

We are staying a week and my bff is going with us, so costs will be fairly reasonable as both our children will be under 3. We won't be spending more than we would for any other vacation for the four of us.  I am a huge Disney fanatic and have always wanted to go. My husband and I agree that we'll go later, when the kids are older, but this trip will be for us and we'll love seeing DS experience the magic ad he'll be at an age where it is all so real to him and the honestly, at his age now, he'd love it, so I'm sure our baby will too.

I can kind of see your FIL's point.  The youngest is 1 and you're due in early June.  Neither one of you will be able to ride any rides.  It seem that the only your DH and the 6 year old are going to get much fun out of the trip.

I believe the OP is talking about going next year, once the baby is here and will be a year old and she is no longer pregnant. And from what I understand there are a lot of rides small children can go on at Disney.

[SiotehCat]

I can kind of see your FIL's point.  The youngest is 1 and you're due in early June.  Neither one of you will be able to ride any rides.  It seem that the only your DH and the 6 year old are going to get much fun out of the trip.

Why wouldn't the OP be able to ride any rides?

It's not exactly a good idea to ride roller coasters when you're having a difficult pregnancy.

The OP said that the baby will be 1 and her oldest child will be 6.

[onyonryngs]

I can kind of see your FIL's point.  The youngest is 1 and you're due in early June.  Neither one of you will be able to ride any rides.  It seem that the only your DH and the 6 year old are going to get much fun out of the trip.

I believe the OP is talking about going next year, once the baby is here and will be a year old and she is no longer pregnant. And from what I understand there are a lot of rides small children can go on at Disney.

The way the post was written it seemed that the trip was coming up soon.  More than a year away then?  Well, that certainly gives FIL a long time to discuss this situation.  I would leave him out of plans in the future - at least until they've already been made.    I would just tell him that your family decisions are yours and maybe have your DH chat with him about it.

[Deetee]

I can kind of see your FIL's point.  The youngest is 1 and you're due in early June.  Neither one of you will be able to ride any rides.  It seem that the only your DH and the 6 year old are going to get much fun out of the trip.

Doesn't matter (also not the case as the trip is next year) Adults don't get to tell other adults what they are supposed to do with their money and what activities they are allowed to enjoy.

(As other posters have said, advice is different if the parents are financially supporting the family)

[LilacGirl1983]

Do you get any direct or indirect financial help from them?  Money, free child care, anything else?  Have they loaned you money in the past and if so have you repaid it?  You mentioned dad wanting to get you a house, where do you live now and do they have any connection to your housing?

I think that if you want to tell them that it isn't their business I think that is reasonable - if there is no way it is their business.  However, if they any connection to your financial  situation then it would be disingenuous to say that.

We do not get any money from them. They don't provide child care on a regular basis..usually its when they want to take our 6 year old..but they do watch her occasionally for doctor appointments if they can't we just bring her with. If we relied on them I could see that but we don't we are self sufficient and our finances are none of their business..I didn't mention it to the GIL my husband did..I just had to deal with the fall out. The trip will be in 2014..so Not this October but the following one. We have been saving up and paying off things as we need..its been tough but we started saving almost a year ago for 3 years in advance and cut back most of the extra spending..The baby is due June 2013..I hope this helps. 

[Sharnita]

Hmm, maybe since DH felt the need to tell you could say, "Oh, I 'm sure DH would be happy to tell you all about it"

[*inviteseller]

Tell DH to put a stop to this. 

[WillyNilly]

Here's the thing: your FIL only knows about your plans because you (and/or DH) told him about your plans.  Presumably as a conversation topic.  And he, as an adult, is absolutely allowed to participate in conversations that are brought up to him.  You do not get to just monolog at him and expect him to nod and agree to everything.  You just don't, that not how humanity and conversation work.

You don't have to like his opinions, or agree to his ideas, but if you bring up a topic, he is actually allowed to have an opposing idea, and he's allowed to carry on the conversation mentioning his ideas.  You can then change the topic if you want, but its really quite unreasonable to expect him to never voice disagreement or a counter idea when you bring something up.  Especially not something as extravagant as a 2 week vacation!

So if you and your FIL don't agree on this trip, don't discuss it with him, or anything related to the trip with him (so no lamenting over not being able to afford other things because all your money is going towards the trip, for example). And if he brings it up again, beandip or if he presses simply say "its really not up for discussion" and then beandip.

But don't think you get to just go around talking about this trip to your FIL but that he's not allowed to have an opinion, because that's unreasonable.

[LadyR]

Here's the thing: your FIL only knows about your plans because you told him about your plans.  Presumably as a conversation topic.  And he, as an adult, is absolutely allowed to participate in conversations that are brought up to him.  You do not get to just monolog at him and expect him to nod and agree to everything.  You just don't, that not how humanity and conversation work.

You don't have to like his opinions, or agree to his ideas, but if you bring up a topic, he is actually allowed to have an opposing idea, and he's allowed to carry on the conversation mentioning his ideas.  You can then change the topic if you want, but its really quite unreasonable to expect him to never voice disagreement or a counter idea when you bring something up.  Especially not something as extravagant as a 2 week vacation!

So if you and your FIL don't agree on this trip, don't discuss it with him, or anything related to the trip with him (so no lamenting over not being able to afford other things because all your money is going towards the trip, for example). And if he brings it up again, beandip or if he presses simply say "its really not up for discussion" and then beandip.

But don't think you get to just go around talking about this trip to your FIL but that he's not allowed to have an opinion, because that's unreasonable.

She mentioned that she didn't bring it up to her FIL, her DH did and that her FIL has brought it up to *her* since then, so your advice doesn't really fit. I would suggest changing the subject though.

[Knitterly]

Do you get any direct or indirect financial help from them?  Money, free child care, anything else?  Have they loaned you money in the past and if so have you repaid it?  You mentioned dad wanting to get you a house, where do you live now and do they have any connection to your housing?

I think that if you want to tell them that it isn't their business I think that is reasonable - if there is no way it is their business.  However, if they any connection to your financial  situation then it would be disingenuous to say that.

We do not get any money from them. They don't provide child care on a regular basis..usually its when they want to take our 6 year old..but they do watch her occasionally for doctor appointments if they can't we just bring her with. If we relied on them I could see that but we don't we are self sufficient and our finances are none of their business..I didn't mention it to the GIL my husband did..I just had to deal with the fall out. The trip will be in 2014..so Not this October but the following one. We have been saving up and paying off things as we need..its been tough but we started saving almost a year ago for 3 years in advance and cut back most of the extra spending..The baby is due June 2013..I hope this helps.

It does, but you should not have to justify such a trip.  Their opinion is entirely unsolicited.

I really like Twiggy's response.
"So you've said, but our vacation plans are not up for discussion."

You've obviously put a lot of thought and planning into this.  Your older son will thoroughly enjoy it and will enjoy seeing the baby enjoy it, too.

It's not about the baby remembering it, it's about the wonderful time you will spend as a family and the memories and pictures that you will have.  The baby won't remember the first picture with Santa, either.  Or many of the other special things that will happen early on.  Doesn't make them any less special!

Incidentally, Mr K was 9 when he want to Disneyworld.  He hardly remembers it at all.  But there are lots of pictures and his lack of clear memory doesn't mean he didn't have fun.