Bringing a 1 year old where?!

[EllenS]

Best time I ever had at Disney was in early/mid October.  We rode Space Mountain 4 times running without even standing in line, just ran right off the end and around to the front.  Of course, the kids won't be on Space Mountain, but it's an example.  Off season rocks.

[WillyNilly]

I think its important to remember this apparently happened once (at least the OP doesn't say its a sore topic spanning multiple conversations).  Its not like the FIL is harping on the topic.  He brought it up. Once.

And he didn't call the OP "crazy" or "silly" he called the plan crazy and silly. He wasn't calling anyone names.

I really think that is a reasonable one time reaction by parents to have over hearing of an extravagant plan their adult kid (and spouse and grandchildren) plan to embark on.  Parents don't stop being parents just because their children grow up - the man wants them to save to a for a house, hardly a nasty or outrageous suggestion on his part, or inappropriate for him to bring up once.

[Deetee]

I think its important to remember this apparently happened once (at least the OP doesn't say its a sore topic spanning multiple conversations).  Its not like the FIL is harping on the topic.  He brought it up. Once.

And he didn't call the OP "crazy" or "silly" he called the plan crazy and silly. He wasn't calling anyone names.

I really think that is a reasonable one time reaction by parents to have over hearing of an extravagant plan their adult kid (and spouse and grandchildren) plan to embark on.  Parents don't stop being parents just because their children grow up - the man wants them to save to a for a house, hardly a nasty or outrageous suggestion on his part, or inappropriate for him to bring up once.

This topic may have been approached once, but assuming I'm remembering the correct poster, there has been a long, long list of examples of the parents interfering, judging and berating the poster (where and how the first birthday should be held, who should be invited, the recent trip to visit grandparents, and some others  ) So this isn't a comfy one off conversation. My parents REALLY like the idea of buying property and I had similiar conversations (in substance, but not in tone) when I chose to travel or somesuch instead. Of course, now that I am buying a house they think I should buy another.

[secretrebel]

We have been saving up and paying off things as we need..its been tough but we started saving almost a year ago for 3 years in advance and cut back most of the extra spending..The baby is due June 2013..I hope this helps.

LilacGirl, yours was a very gracious response to a lot of surprising assumptions in the thread. I don't know why so many people assumed your parents were funding you.

Have fun at Disney. It seems clear to me that you adults and your 6 year old will have a heap of fun and your 1 year old may get less out of it but they are going because they are part of your family. You don't leave family members behind on trips. I'm surprised that your family and others in this thread see anything to question. What if you were going to France - the little ones probably wouldn't get as much out of the culture as you would but you're never to young to appreciate new things and experiences.

[Tabby Uprising]

I think its important to remember this apparently happened once (at least the OP doesn't say its a sore topic spanning multiple conversations).  Its not like the FIL is harping on the topic.  He brought it up. Once.

And he didn't call the OP "crazy" or "silly" he called the plan crazy and silly. He wasn't calling anyone names.

I really think that is a reasonable one time reaction by parents to have over hearing of an extravagant plan their adult kid (and spouse and grandchildren) plan to embark on.  Parents don't stop being parents just because their children grow up - the man wants them to save to a for a house, hardly a nasty or outrageous suggestion on his part, or inappropriate for him to bring up once.

Calling a plan "crazy" and "silly" is still rude.  And hardly productive at that. What did FIL think the reaction would be to him using the terms crazy and silly?  Insults aren't a good way to persuade people to see your point and they put people on the defensive.  So I'd say he was rude and not interested in offering helpful criticism. 

Not that I think there's anything to criticize.  I mean, where is this idea that Disneyland is universally "extravagant" to begin with? We all know that everyone has different priorities when it comes to how they budget their money.  We all know everyone has different finances and disposable income.  Just because something might be extravagant to you, doesn't mean it suddenly becomes an extravagance to everyone in the world. 

[JenJay]

We have been saving up and paying off things as we need..its been tough but we started saving almost a year ago for 3 years in advance and cut back most of the extra spending..The baby is due June 2013..I hope this helps.

LilacGirl, yours was a very gracious response to a lot of surprising assumptions in the thread. I don't know why so many people assumed your parents were funding you.

Have fun at Disney. It seems clear to me that you adults and your 6 year old will have a heap of fun and your 1 year old may get less out of it but they are going because they are part of your family. You don't leave family members behind on trips. I'm surprised that your family and others in this thread see anything to question. What if you were going to France - the little ones probably wouldn't get as much out of the culture as you would but you're never to young to appreciate new things and experiences.

I agree!

Have a wonderful time! If your FIL brings it up again I'd smile at him and say "We're going and it'll be great!" then change the subject.

[TootsNYC]

I think we have to make a distinction between close family relationships and strangers.  Obviously, it is never OK for strangers or acquaintances to offer opinions on our lives.

In a close and warm family there is leeway for people to "speak into" each other's lives -this is part of relational intimacy.  However, that kind of intimacy has to be earned with trust and respect.  In my own family, I call my FIL "dad" just like my DH does, and if he was concerned that we were doing something foolish, he would probably go to DH, but he might also come to me.  Even if I disagreed with him, I would not think he was out of line for broaching the subject.

It's just hard to make blanket statements without knowing the people involved.  Obviously the conversation was annoying to the OP, but that does not mean that the father in law was necessarily doing wrong by talking about it.  It just depends on the relationship.

However, as I said before, calling people "silly" or "crazy" is definitely rude, and there may indeed be a lack of respect/trust going on.  That's a different situation.

When my FIL wanted us to buy a house because we were having a second child, he brought that concern to me as well as to my husband.

I actually saw it (in his case) as a gesture of respect, because he knew that I was part of every decision. And he knew he could talk to me.

He also knew that I would "hear" him--sometimes his son (my DH) will cut a conversation off abruptly, which leaves him worried that his well-intentioned concerns and advice are simply being brushed aside. I, on the other hand, am better able to explain our priorities ("I don't have time to keep my bathroom clean--when will I have time to take care of a yard? Right now I don't have to remember to take the garbage out every Thursday night; with 2 kids, I really don't want that responsibility.")

Then he dropped it.

So I think that's perfectly reasonable exchange. Haranguing isn't, but I think it's not that horrible for someone's parent (their first "life coach") to raise some concerns.

yeah, various people might inform me of vacations and purchases that seem like a waste to me.  I am sure some have felt the same about some of mine over the years. It isn'tmy job to critique the decision. If I can't give it ringing endorsements I should probably limit it to "Oh, that sounds interesting"

The flip side of this is: I've had plenty of people tell me that they didn't approve of a decision--my FIL and the house thing, above. It was mildy annoying (occasionally informative), but it's not like "them criticizing me" or even "them pressuring me" meant I had to DO anything about it.

I don't have to do what they say. And I don't have to worry about what they think. My FIL thinking we should have bought a house and that we were foolish not to doesn't change our relationship--because he *and I* don't let it change the relationship.

He disagrees with me. Oh, well.
He mentions this disagreement. Oh, well--dads do that sometimes.

[Veronica]

But in this case the OP has posted multiple times that they are trying to save to move into a bigger house and that they have a lot of financial problems.  So I can see the ILs getting frustrated by hearing that they are going on a lavish vacation instead. 

[LeveeWoman]

But in this case the OP has posted multiple times that they are trying to save to move into a bigger house and that they have a lot of financial problems.  So I can see the ILs getting frustrated by hearing that they are going on a lavish vacation instead.

His frustration does not give him the right to over-step his boundaries, something these in-laws have done repeatedly.

[Piratelvr1121]

I went to the Magic Kingdom for the first time when I was 9. We were in Florida anyway for a wedding so it was decided we'd go there for a day. My brother had just recently turned 1 so he was left behind at the hotel with my grandparents, as my parents were definitely of the mindset that it's a waste of time and money if the child can't remember it.

Heck we lived in Florida from the time I was about a year till I was 2 and we never went in that time, though we weren't far either.

[bopper]

I took my 9 month old to Disney.  At that point, it isn't really for them. I went because my DH had a business trip nearby and then I got the CUTEST pictures of DD in a winnie the pooh outfit being held by Pooh Bear.

For you, clearly you are not taking the one year old so she will enjoy disney world.

You are taking the 1 year old because:

-6 years old is a wonderful time to take her brother and baby is part of the family so shewill go too.
-As a family, you want to go somewhere on vacation, and WDW is the family-friendliest vacation spot on earth.
-You most likely intend to go again some day, and baby will get to go again.

If you wait until baby is 5 or 6, then DS will be 11 or 12.  A fine time to go, but at 6 everything is still magic to them.

Now, if your ILs are financially supporting you in any way or you owe them money then i agree, your money should not be spent on vacation but in paying your debts. But if you are self sufficient, and you have thought about your budget and saved up, then it is not their concern.

[MariaE]

But in this case the OP has posted multiple times that they are trying to save to move into a bigger house and that they have a lot of financial problems.  So I can see the ILs getting frustrated by hearing that they are going on a lavish vacation instead.

Some people (myself included) cannot save up and live frugally all the time. Sometimes it is worth indulging in a modest splurge knowing this will postpone my final goal in order to preserve my sanity by having a treat here and now.

My finances are nobody's business but my own (and my husbands). If we're willing to go a bit longer before we can buy a house in order to go on a neat vacation here and now, then that's our prerogative.

... of course, we then also forfeit the right to complain about how long time it's taking to save up

[Sharnita]

We have been saving up and paying off things as we need..its been tough but we started saving almost a year ago for 3 years in advance and cut back most of the extra spending..The baby is due June 2013..I hope this helps.

LilacGirl, yours was a very gracious response to a lot of surprising assumptions in the thread. I don't know why so many people assumed your parents were funding you.

Have fun at Disney. It seems clear to me that you adults and your 6 year old will have a heap of fun and your 1 year old may get less out of it but they are going because they are part of your family. You don't leave family members behind on trips. I'm surprised that your family and others in this thread see anything to question. What if you were going to France - the little ones probably wouldn't get as much out of the culture as you would but you're never to young to appreciate new things and experiences.

I don't think there was a post where anybody took it for granted or assumed that her parents were funding her.  A lot of people asked or limited the MYOB advice with the caveat that parents who were helping with a financial burden in nay way could be seen as having a vested interest.

[Winterlight]

But in this case the OP has posted multiple times that they are trying to save to move into a bigger house and that they have a lot of financial problems.  So I can see the ILs getting frustrated by hearing that they are going on a lavish vacation instead.

Agreed. If your ILs keep hearing how hard you're having it, it's not surprising they're worrying about you.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

But in this case the OP has posted multiple times that they are trying to save to move into a bigger house and that they have a lot of financial problems.  So I can see the ILs getting frustrated by hearing that they are going on a lavish vacation instead.

Some people (myself included) cannot save up and live frugally all the time. Sometimes it is worth indulging in a modest splurge [i]knowing this will postpone my final goal[/i] in order to preserve my sanity by having a treat here and now.

My finances are nobody's business but my own (and my husbands). If we're willing to go a bit longer before we can buy a house in order to go on a neat vacation here and now, then that's our prerogative.

... of course, we then also forfeit the right to complain about how long time it's taking to save up

I'm sorry but to me a 10000.00 trip is not a modest splurge,  I can understand the FIL concern about the amount the trip cost but as long as he doesn;t harp on it. I think I would excuse him mentioning it one time.