Author Topic: Bringing a 1 year old where?!  (Read 17146 times)

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WillyNilly

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #75 on: March 01, 2013, 11:07:02 AM »
I'm just baffled by all the people here saying oh yeah, you have to go when the kids are super young or the magic won't be there for them.  I can tell you I did not go to Disneyland (still haven't made it to DisneyWorld yet) until I was in my early teens and it was super magical and I loved every second of it.  Still feel that way every time I go.

Yeah I was starting to feel a bit foolish too - I first went at 12 and loved every second of it, maybe some posters think I was a stunted kid or something huh? 
My stepmom first went in her 50's and had such an amazing time she and my dad have been back 3 times more... but I guess there must have been no magic for her either though since she was over 6  ::)


Folks, if you want to go, go.  But don't fool yourself that its only special for super little kids, Disney is world famous for, and prides itself for being amazing fun for all ages.

Redwing

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #76 on: March 01, 2013, 11:17:11 AM »
Many couples honeymoon there.  A man I work with and his wife go 5-6 times a year and they're middle-aged.

Yvaine

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #77 on: March 01, 2013, 11:21:07 AM »
I've been 4 times: at 6, at 12, at 14, and at 23. I enjoyed it all except the time when I was 12, and that's because I had bronchitis at the time. The time when I was 23 was probably my favorite!  ;D

bah12

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #78 on: March 01, 2013, 11:29:10 AM »
Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are.

I just cannot agree with this. It seems to me to be saying "No one should tell me anything I don't want to hear."

It's not that you can't be told what you don't want to hear, but it still shouldn't be done rudely.  First, we are talking about a vacation or a house downpayment.  For some us, it's obvious which one we'd choose, but that doesn't make choosing the other wrong, crazy, or silly.  The FIL has every right to be concerned and express concern.  But he's being overly critical and intrusive in the process.  That is rude.  There are polite ways to show concern.  Calling her plan crazy and silly is not it.  And I would think that if you (general) love someone enough to be concerned about whether or not they save money for a house or take their kids to Disney, then I would also assume that you love them enough to try to approach them in a loving and kind manner...one in which you may actually get some results.  This seems like being critical for the sake of criticizing.  And not likely to get the OP to consider his POV.

As for the whole discussion/commentary about when kids should go to Disney, what is and isn't considered extravagant, etc.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  The OP and her husband have made a decision.  They are going to Disney.  She didn't come here asking any of us to tell her if we think it is or isn't a good idea.  She asked for advice on how to respond to someone who's making her business, theirs.  Responding with your own opinions about how sound her plan is, is doing exactly what the FIL is doing.  It's not our business.  Her kids will still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  They are not homeless and starving because of one vacation, so why should any of us care if chooses a vacation over a downpayment?  Why does it matter that she wants to take her 6 year old this year?  Who cares if the 6 year old can enjoy the park when she's 56 too?  None of that means that the OP can't take her now.  Why can't the kids have a childhood memory of going to Disney with parents?  Becuase it's not a choice you (generic) would make? 

LeveeWoman

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #79 on: March 01, 2013, 11:56:45 AM »
Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are.

I just cannot agree with this. It seems to me to be saying "No one should tell me anything I don't want to hear."

It's not that you can't be told what you don't want to hear, but it still shouldn't be done rudely.  First, we are talking about a vacation or a house downpayment.  For some us, it's obvious which one we'd choose, but that doesn't make choosing the other wrong, crazy, or silly.  The FIL has every right to be concerned and express concern.  But he's being overly critical and intrusive in the process.  That is rude.  There are polite ways to show concern.  Calling her plan crazy and silly is not it.  And I would think that if you (general) love someone enough to be concerned about whether or not they save money for a house or take their kids to Disney, then I would also assume that you love them enough to try to approach them in a loving and kind manner...one in which you may actually get some results.  This seems like being critical for the sake of criticizing.  And not likely to get the OP to consider his POV.

As for the whole discussion/commentary about when kids should go to Disney, what is and isn't considered extravagant, etc.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  The OP and her husband have made a decision.  They are going to Disney.  She didn't come here asking any of us to tell her if we think it is or isn't a good idea.  She asked for advice on how to respond to someone who's making her business, theirs.  Responding with your own opinions about how sound her plan is, is doing exactly what the FIL is doing.  It's not our business.  Her kids will still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  They are not homeless and starving because of one vacation, so why should any of us care if chooses a vacation over a downpayment?  Why does it matter that she wants to take her 6 year old this year?  Who cares if the 6 year old can enjoy the park when she's 56 too?  None of that means that the OP can't take her now.  Why can't the kids have a childhood memory of going to Disney with parents?  Becuase it's not a choice you (generic) would make?

Some have pointed out that he called the plan "crazy" and "silly." However, he also called her "crazy." And, it sounds from LilacGirl's first post that he came over to her house to do so. ("He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait.")

bah12

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #80 on: March 01, 2013, 12:02:28 PM »
Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are.

I just cannot agree with this. It seems to me to be saying "No one should tell me anything I don't want to hear."

It's not that you can't be told what you don't want to hear, but it still shouldn't be done rudely.  First, we are talking about a vacation or a house downpayment.  For some us, it's obvious which one we'd choose, but that doesn't make choosing the other wrong, crazy, or silly.  The FIL has every right to be concerned and express concern.  But he's being overly critical and intrusive in the process.  That is rude.  There are polite ways to show concern.  Calling her plan crazy and silly is not it.  And I would think that if you (general) love someone enough to be concerned about whether or not they save money for a house or take their kids to Disney, then I would also assume that you love them enough to try to approach them in a loving and kind manner...one in which you may actually get some results.  This seems like being critical for the sake of criticizing.  And not likely to get the OP to consider his POV.

As for the whole discussion/commentary about when kids should go to Disney, what is and isn't considered extravagant, etc.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  The OP and her husband have made a decision.  They are going to Disney.  She didn't come here asking any of us to tell her if we think it is or isn't a good idea.  She asked for advice on how to respond to someone who's making her business, theirs.  Responding with your own opinions about how sound her plan is, is doing exactly what the FIL is doing.  It's not our business.  Her kids will still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  They are not homeless and starving because of one vacation, so why should any of us care if chooses a vacation over a downpayment?  Why does it matter that she wants to take her 6 year old this year?  Who cares if the 6 year old can enjoy the park when she's 56 too?  None of that means that the OP can't take her now.  Why can't the kids have a childhood memory of going to Disney with parents?  Becuase it's not a choice you (generic) would make?

Some have pointed out that he called the plan "crazy" and "silly." However, he also called her "crazy." And, it sounds from LilacGirl's first post that he came over to her house to do so. ("He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait.")

Good point.  And it makes me even more surprised how many posters are continuing to justify FIL's behavior and chalk it up to being a concerned parent (at least that's how it seems to me).  I really feel that some are pushing their own opinion on what choices they'd make if they were in the same financial position as they think LilacGirl is in.  And that's not fair.

bopper

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #81 on: March 01, 2013, 12:05:17 PM »
See also this thread: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125381.0
for how difficult it is to see your progeny making what you feel are bad decisions.


auntmeegs

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #82 on: March 01, 2013, 12:07:37 PM »
Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are.

I just cannot agree with this. It seems to me to be saying "No one should tell me anything I don't want to hear."

It's not that you can't be told what you don't want to hear, but it still shouldn't be done rudely.  First, we are talking about a vacation or a house downpayment.  For some us, it's obvious which one we'd choose, but that doesn't make choosing the other wrong, crazy, or silly.  The FIL has every right to be concerned and express concern.  But he's being overly critical and intrusive in the process.  That is rude.  There are polite ways to show concern.  Calling her plan crazy and silly is not it.  And I would think that if you (general) love someone enough to be concerned about whether or not they save money for a house or take their kids to Disney, then I would also assume that you love them enough to try to approach them in a loving and kind manner...one in which you may actually get some results.  This seems like being critical for the sake of criticizing.  And not likely to get the OP to consider his POV.

As for the whole discussion/commentary about when kids should go to Disney, what is and isn't considered extravagant, etc.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  The OP and her husband have made a decision.  They are going to Disney.  She didn't come here asking any of us to tell her if we think it is or isn't a good idea.  She asked for advice on how to respond to someone who's making her business, theirs.  Responding with your own opinions about how sound her plan is, is doing exactly what the FIL is doing.  It's not our business.  Her kids will still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  They are not homeless and starving because of one vacation, so why should any of us care if chooses a vacation over a downpayment?  Why does it matter that she wants to take her 6 year old this year?  Who cares if the 6 year old can enjoy the park when she's 56 too?  None of that means that the OP can't take her now.  Why can't the kids have a childhood memory of going to Disney with parents?  Becuase it's not a choice you (generic) would make?

Some have pointed out that he called the plan "crazy" and "silly." However, he also called her "crazy." And, it sounds from LilacGirl's first post that he came over to her house to do so. ("He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait.")

Good point.  And it makes me even more surprised how many posters are continuing to justify FIL's behavior and chalk it up to being a concerned parent (at least that's how it seems to me).  I really feel that some are pushing their own opinion on what choices they'd make if they were in the same financial position as they think LilacGirl is in.  And that's not fair.

Maybe its not fair but it is a pretty normal reaction.  And those that agree with FIL's opinion probably really do see his behavior as that of a concerned parent. 

GreenHall

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #83 on: March 01, 2013, 12:22:15 PM »


Since you'll have that funky school schedule for your DD, you'll have some several-week breaks in what would be the middle of the school year for everyone else, right?  If so, THAT would be the time to go.  We went at the end of October/beginning of November, and the weather is decent and the lines are quite short.  Most things were under 15 minutes.  Sometimes, with the really popular rides in the middle of the day, you had to wait for an hour, but then you just go find something else and generally the line would be shorter at a different point in the day.
[/quote]

I have not read the rest of the replies yet, but THIS!!!  I live in (North) Florida, and my first visit in October was a revelation.  I just went earlier this week, and it was beautiful (okay, unseasonably warm, so I can't really recommend Feb, as it isn't ALWAYS 80 F), but SO many fewer people everywhere.  Some of the really popular rides still had hour waits, but most of those have fast pass.

Yvaine

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #84 on: March 01, 2013, 12:25:10 PM »
Oh yeah, October is great. Weather is mild, lines are short, and they've got Halloween stuff all over.

bah12

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #85 on: March 01, 2013, 12:31:09 PM »
Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are.

I just cannot agree with this. It seems to me to be saying "No one should tell me anything I don't want to hear."

It's not that you can't be told what you don't want to hear, but it still shouldn't be done rudely.  First, we are talking about a vacation or a house downpayment.  For some us, it's obvious which one we'd choose, but that doesn't make choosing the other wrong, crazy, or silly.  The FIL has every right to be concerned and express concern.  But he's being overly critical and intrusive in the process.  That is rude.  There are polite ways to show concern.  Calling her plan crazy and silly is not it.  And I would think that if you (general) love someone enough to be concerned about whether or not they save money for a house or take their kids to Disney, then I would also assume that you love them enough to try to approach them in a loving and kind manner...one in which you may actually get some results.  This seems like being critical for the sake of criticizing.  And not likely to get the OP to consider his POV.

As for the whole discussion/commentary about when kids should go to Disney, what is and isn't considered extravagant, etc.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  The OP and her husband have made a decision.  They are going to Disney.  She didn't come here asking any of us to tell her if we think it is or isn't a good idea.  She asked for advice on how to respond to someone who's making her business, theirs.  Responding with your own opinions about how sound her plan is, is doing exactly what the FIL is doing.  It's not our business.  Her kids will still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  They are not homeless and starving because of one vacation, so why should any of us care if chooses a vacation over a downpayment?  Why does it matter that she wants to take her 6 year old this year?  Who cares if the 6 year old can enjoy the park when she's 56 too?  None of that means that the OP can't take her now.  Why can't the kids have a childhood memory of going to Disney with parents?  Becuase it's not a choice you (generic) would make?

Some have pointed out that he called the plan "crazy" and "silly." However, he also called her "crazy." And, it sounds from LilacGirl's first post that he came over to her house to do so. ("He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait.")

Good point.  And it makes me even more surprised how many posters are continuing to justify FIL's behavior and chalk it up to being a concerned parent (at least that's how it seems to me).  I really feel that some are pushing their own opinion on what choices they'd make if they were in the same financial position as they think LilacGirl is in.  And that's not fair.

Maybe its not fair but it is a pretty normal reaction.  And those that agree with FIL's opinion probably really do see his behavior as that of a concerned parent.

FWIW, I agree with the FIL's opinion.  I still think he's rude.  Going to someone's house and calling them crazy for making a decision that I don't like (Concerned or otherwise) is rude.  He's not financially responsible for her family, he's not raising the kids, nothing.   If he can't figure out how to express his concern in a "concerned" manner, without insulting the OP and telling her what to do, then he does need to keep quiet about it.  PErsonally, I think that he can tell her what his concerns are in a way that isn't insulting, intrusive, and won't put the OP on edge.  He just didn't do that.

And sorry, I don't agree that it's a normal reaction.  I don't agree with a lot of what my family and friends do.  I might even think they are crazy sometimes.  But me feeling that way doesn't give me the right to express it so bluntly. 

Two Ravens

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #86 on: March 01, 2013, 12:41:32 PM »
FWIW, I was responding to the general statement that "Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are." Not the FIL's exact comments.

One can be critical and speak hard truths and not be rude, especially coming from a concerned family member. One could say, "I think this trip is an awful idea for reasons W, X, Y and Z," while those reasons might not necessarily be nice to hear, I don't think they would be rude.

Aeris

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #87 on: March 01, 2013, 12:43:56 PM »
Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are.

I just cannot agree with this. It seems to me to be saying "No one should tell me anything I don't want to hear."

It's not that you can't be told what you don't want to hear, but it still shouldn't be done rudely.  First, we are talking about a vacation or a house downpayment.  For some us, it's obvious which one we'd choose, but that doesn't make choosing the other wrong, crazy, or silly.  The FIL has every right to be concerned and express concern.  But he's being overly critical and intrusive in the process.  That is rude.  There are polite ways to show concern.  Calling her plan crazy and silly is not it.  And I would think that if you (general) love someone enough to be concerned about whether or not they save money for a house or take their kids to Disney, then I would also assume that you love them enough to try to approach them in a loving and kind manner...one in which you may actually get some results.  This seems like being critical for the sake of criticizing.  And not likely to get the OP to consider his POV.

As for the whole discussion/commentary about when kids should go to Disney, what is and isn't considered extravagant, etc.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  The OP and her husband have made a decision.  They are going to Disney.  She didn't come here asking any of us to tell her if we think it is or isn't a good idea.  She asked for advice on how to respond to someone who's making her business, theirs.  Responding with your own opinions about how sound her plan is, is doing exactly what the FIL is doing.  It's not our business.  Her kids will still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  They are not homeless and starving because of one vacation, so why should any of us care if chooses a vacation over a downpayment?  Why does it matter that she wants to take her 6 year old this year?  Who cares if the 6 year old can enjoy the park when she's 56 too?  None of that means that the OP can't take her now.  Why can't the kids have a childhood memory of going to Disney with parents?  Becuase it's not a choice you (generic) would make?

Some have pointed out that he called the plan "crazy" and "silly." However, he also called her "crazy." And, it sounds from LilacGirl's first post that he came over to her house to do so. ("He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait.")

Good point.  And it makes me even more surprised how many posters are continuing to justify FIL's behavior and chalk it up to being a concerned parent (at least that's how it seems to me).  I really feel that some are pushing their own opinion on what choices they'd make if they were in the same financial position as they think LilacGirl is in.  And that's not fair.

Maybe its not fair but it is a pretty normal reaction.  And those that agree with FIL's opinion probably really do see his behavior as that of a concerned parent.

FWIW, I agree with the FIL's opinion.  I still think he's rude.  Going to someone's house and calling them crazy for making a decision that I don't like (Concerned or otherwise) is rude.  He's not financially responsible for her family, he's not raising the kids, nothing.   If he can't figure out how to express his concern in a "concerned" manner, without insulting the OP and telling her what to do, then he does need to keep quiet about it.  PErsonally, I think that he can tell her what his concerns are in a way that isn't insulting, intrusive, and won't put the OP on edge.  He just didn't do that.

And sorry, I don't agree that it's a normal reaction.  I don't agree with a lot of what my family and friends do.  I might even think they are crazy sometimes.  But me feeling that way doesn't give me the right to express it so bluntly.

No, it doesn't give you the right to express it so bluntly. But the fact that it's expressed bluntly shouldn't give someone internal justification for ignoring the content of what was said either.

My father is a brusque and socially clumsy man who is sometimes even a bit of a thoughtless jerk. However, he loves me very much and only wants the best for me, and he's pretty darn smart about a lot of things. Occasionally throughout my life he has been concerned about some life decision of mine, and he has invariably expressed that concern brusquely and clumsily and sometimes even a bit thoughtlessly jerkily. While some of those times he's been way off the mark, and needed to back off because he didn't understand what he was talking about, many more of them have been times where his assessment and advice was spot on correct, and I just didn't want to hear it....yet.

He doesn't "have a right" to be so brusque and clumsy with me, but trying to change that behavior is a long term struggle in our relationship. He should be working on it more. However, regardless of how brusque and clumsy he is about it, I would be a *fool* to dismiss every single one of his concerns simply because he expresses himself badly. If my dad really thinks I'm about to do something disastrous, I'd rather him express it badly than keep his mouth shut and watch me hurt myself.

If someone rudely tells you that you're about to drive your car into a brick wall, you should probably listen.

kareng57

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #88 on: March 01, 2013, 12:56:13 PM »
Concern is not rude. Unwanted and critical comments, however, are.

I just cannot agree with this. It seems to me to be saying "No one should tell me anything I don't want to hear."

It's not that you can't be told what you don't want to hear, but it still shouldn't be done rudely.  First, we are talking about a vacation or a house downpayment.  For some us, it's obvious which one we'd choose, but that doesn't make choosing the other wrong, crazy, or silly.  The FIL has every right to be concerned and express concern.  But he's being overly critical and intrusive in the process.  That is rude.  There are polite ways to show concern.  Calling her plan crazy and silly is not it.  And I would think that if you (general) love someone enough to be concerned about whether or not they save money for a house or take their kids to Disney, then I would also assume that you love them enough to try to approach them in a loving and kind manner...one in which you may actually get some results.  This seems like being critical for the sake of criticizing.  And not likely to get the OP to consider his POV.

As for the whole discussion/commentary about when kids should go to Disney, what is and isn't considered extravagant, etc.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  The OP and her husband have made a decision.  They are going to Disney.  She didn't come here asking any of us to tell her if we think it is or isn't a good idea.  She asked for advice on how to respond to someone who's making her business, theirs.  Responding with your own opinions about how sound her plan is, is doing exactly what the FIL is doing.  It's not our business.  Her kids will still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  They are not homeless and starving because of one vacation, so why should any of us care if chooses a vacation over a downpayment?  Why does it matter that she wants to take her 6 year old this year?  Who cares if the 6 year old can enjoy the park when she's 56 too?  None of that means that the OP can't take her now.  Why can't the kids have a childhood memory of going to Disney with parents?  Becuase it's not a choice you (generic) would make?

Some have pointed out that he called the plan "crazy" and "silly." However, he also called her "crazy." And, it sounds from LilacGirl's first post that he came over to her house to do so. ("He came over and pretty much tried to convince me to wait.")

Good point.  And it makes me even more surprised how many posters are continuing to justify FIL's behavior and chalk it up to being a concerned parent (at least that's how it seems to me).  I really feel that some are pushing their own opinion on what choices they'd make if they were in the same financial position as they think LilacGirl is in.  And that's not fair.


Where did anyone here justify FIL's behaviour?  Even those of us who thought he had a good point still acknowledged his rudeness.

Overall, I just don't agree with this if-parents-are-not-supporting-their-adult-kids-then-they-need-to-keep-their-mouths-shut philosophy.  Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut when DS and his fiancee told me that they were considering purchasing a house that had been a former grow-op.

I didn't.

LadyR

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Re: Bringing a 1 year old where?!
« Reply #89 on: March 01, 2013, 01:08:50 PM »
I'm just baffled by all the people here saying oh yeah, you have to go when the kids are super young or the magic won't be there for them.  I can tell you I did not go to Disneyland (still haven't made it to DisneyWorld yet) until I was in my early teens and it was super magical and I loved every second of it.  Still feel that way every time I go.

There is a different kind of magic. I'll be 31 when I go for the first time and I expect it to be magical, but my three year old will beleive his favourite characters have coem to life. I will be a very different kind of magic.