young adults learning the hard way - update post #29

[DynoMite]

When our daughter was about 14 she went through a period of moaning about the groceries I bought, the shampoo etc that I choose.  Why didn't I buy the heavily advertised brand etc.  We tried to explain how much we had in our budget for things and that we bought what we could afford but she just didn't seem to get it.  So over the long holidays, about 7 weeks here, I gave her the money I would have spent on these things, and said that she could take over the house and that any money she did not spend she could keep.  There were a few rules such as we had to have enough food, no alcohol was to be bought and that the only food the cat would eat could not be changed.
You should have seen the difference.  Supermarket own brands, generic toiletries, and my husband swears that she stood outside the loo counting how many square of loo paper were being used. Some of the early meals were rather rough but they got better, and we did run out of a few things and she learnt that popping down to the dairy was quick but expensive. We got nagged narrow about our wastage and 'do you know how much that cost?' seemed to be heard all time.  But and it was a big but she saved us a lot of money, and taught me a few tricks on buying better.  Now at 35 she makes every penny squeak.  So it is worth setting up experiences for your teenagers to teach them life lessons.

Awesome!!

[Slartibartfast]

But I never did learn how to cook BROWN rice. (I cannot get it to work worth a phooey.)

Good recipe:  http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2013/02/foolproof-oven-baked-brown-rice.html

The brown rice turns out well.

Two words - rice steamer. Perfect every time.

I grew up with a rice cooker, but only did white rice. I moved out and stopped eating rice for 20 years. Not kidding. Eating it more often, but not worth the $ for rice cooker. grr

My rice cooker is a white plastic thing that goes in the microwave and cost less than ten bucks.  It's worth looking into, if you want to give it a shot - it does beautiful rice!

[ladyknight1]

We see great examples of this twice a year, when Cub Scouts advance to Boy Scouts. Mom may have packed her son's bags for Cub Scouts, but for Boy Scouts, they are supposed to pack their own bags and take responsibility. At least twice a year, we will hear a new Scout complain that his mom/dad didn't pack whatever item.

We are trying to teach self-sufficiency!

[magicdomino]

But I never did learn how to cook BROWN rice. (I cannot get it to work worth a phooey.)

I grew up with a rice cooker, but only did white rice. I moved out and stopped eating rice for 20 years. Not kidding. Eating it more often, but not worth the $ for rice cooker. grr

What I love about my rice cooker is that it is programable.  I put the brown (or white, or wild, or steel-cut oatmeal) rice and water in when I think of it, set the timer for up to 12 hours ahead, and leave it.  No more forgetting the rice until dinner is almost done.

[Lynn2000]

My friend is teaching her 18-month-old to help around the house, even with the laundry. Like he sits on the counter and drops things into the washer as she hands them to him, or walks five feet to put his shoes away. He is definitely more of a hindrance than a help with chores at the moment, but she thinks it's important for him to get used to the feeling of doing things around the house--that stuff doesn't just magically get done by the elves while he plays. Of course it will take a while before we see whether this has paid off...

[jaxsue]

My friend is teaching her 18-month-old to help around the house, even with the laundry. Like he sits on the counter and drops things into the washer as she hands them to him, or walks five feet to put his shoes away. He is definitely more of a hindrance than a help with chores at the moment, but she thinks it's important for him to get used to the feeling of doing things around the house--that stuff doesn't just magically get done by the elves while he plays. Of course it will take a while before we see whether this has paid off...

I made my DS's help with housework as soon as they could walk. Of course, it was age appropriate, such as putting a few items in the toy basket. When they got older it wasn't difficult to get them to clean up, at least in the common areas. I had friends with kids the same age. They believed that there was a "magic age" at which they could train their kids to help with housework/yard work. Problem is, the kids were 8+ years old and had not grown up with the concept of helping. Cue threats, fights, and eventually the parent is worn down and does the work themselves. 

[Midnight Kitty]

I was "mommy's little helper" and learned all about laundry, cooking, shopping, etc. from such an early age I don't remember not doing it.  I'm old enough to remember turning the crank on the wringer.

My poor older brother wasn't taught the life skills necessary to live independently.  Apparently it was assumed his wife would take care of all that.  We lived together when he got out of the military and I took care of him.  When I moved out to get married (& take care of my husband), he lived on peanut butter and frozen orange juice.  He only needed one spoon and one glass.

You might think he would learn to do his own laundry, cooking, shopping, etc. but he found a wife to take care of all those necessities.

[Piratelvr1121]

My friend is teaching her 18-month-old to help around the house, even with the laundry. Like he sits on the counter and drops things into the washer as she hands them to him, or walks five feet to put his shoes away. He is definitely more of a hindrance than a help with chores at the moment, but she thinks it's important for him to get used to the feeling of doing things around the house--that stuff doesn't just magically get done by the elves while he plays. Of course it will take a while before we see whether this has paid off...

I made my DS's help with housework as soon as they could walk. Of course, it was age appropriate, such as putting a few items in the toy basket. When they got older it wasn't difficult to get them to clean up, at least in the common areas. I had friends with kids the same age. They believed that there was a "magic age" at which they could train their kids to help with housework/yard work. Problem is, the kids were 8+ years old and had not grown up with the concept of helping. Cue threats, fights, and eventually the parent is worn down and does the work themselves. 

I've been working with my 16 month old to learn to pick things up.  At the moment, since we don't have a toybox for him, we store his toys in the port-a-crib, and he's good at carrying them over and dropping them into the port-a-crib as I hand them to him.  We did that today before we went for a walk, as I'm trying to lay the groundwork for "We pick up our things before we move on to something else."

Now, that said, when I had him put his sorting shapes into the bucket he did great...then started to take them back out.  He also likes to pick up the broom, which is about twice as tall as he is, and "sweep" and likes to "vacuum" with the corn popper toy. http://us.ebid.net/for-sale/075380020115-corn-popper-push-toys-for-toddlers-97426186.htm?from=googleshop_us&gclid=CJf37cucibYCFYbc4AodCBYAQA

[TootsNYC]

When our daughter was about 14 she went through a period of moaning about the groceries I bought, the shampoo etc that I choose.  Why didn't I buy the heavily advertised brand etc.  We tried to explain how much we had in our budget for things and that we bought what we could afford but she just didn't seem to get it.  So over the long holidays, about 7 weeks here, I gave her the money I would have spent on these things, and said that she could take over the house and that any money she did not spend she could keep.  There were a few rules such as we had to have enough food, no alcohol was to be bought and that the only food the cat would eat could not be changed.
You should have seen the difference.  Supermarket own brands, generic toiletries, and my husband swears that she stood outside the loo counting how many square of loo paper were being used. Some of the early meals were rather rough but they got better, and we did run out of a few things and she learnt that popping down to the dairy was quick but expensive. We got nagged narrow about our wastage and 'do you know how much that cost?' seemed to be heard all time.  But and it was a big but she saved us a lot of money, and taught me a few tricks on buying better.  Now at 35 she makes every penny squeak.  So it is worth setting up experiences for your teenagers to teach them life lessons.

Awesome!!
[/quote

I am going to steal this idea!

I didn't so something this "obvious" with my DD, but I've found that she really doesn't like to spend money unless she perceives that she will get value from it.

[TootsNYC]

My friend is teaching her 18-month-old to help around the house, even with the laundry. Like he sits on the counter and drops things into the washer as she hands them to him, or walks five feet to put his shoes away. He is definitely more of a hindrance than a help with chores at the moment, but she thinks it's important for him to get used to the feeling of doing things around the house--that stuff doesn't just magically get done by the elves while he plays. Of course it will take a while before we see whether this has paid off...

I read a survey that showed that the kids of at-home moms did the MOST chores.

The kids of single moms did the 2nd most.

and the kids of 2 working parents did the least. I think a big part of it is that it takes a lot of TIME to teach kids *how* to do chores, and it takes a lot of time and energy to *enforce* that they do chores. And at-home moms have more time and energy for that; they simply have more time and energy to spend in their homes.

Also, I think at-home moms see "teaching my kids" as a MAJOR reason they even *are* at home, and so they do this; it's their mission.

Parents who both work see their major role as "providing for" their children.

[Piratelvr1121]

Before I had any kids, MIL told me that her approach to child rearing is you're raising a future adult to be independent when they reach 18.   Someone else said when you have a son, it's best to keep in mind that you're raising him to be a future husband. 

So with both of those in mind I'm striving to raise my sons to be good men, respectful of women, and not overly dependent on others.

[magicdomino]

My mother used to refer to men who can't or won't do household chores as "chickens who'd starve beside a pile of corn."  This was not a complement.  All of us, boys and girls, learned some basic cooking, and we learned how to do laundry when we started dropping clothes on the floor instead of putting them away properly.   

[TootsNYC]

Another story:
I was at a laundromat doing my clothes doot de doot, and ran into a kid who was about 20+. He was on the phone with a buddy, looking at his detergent like it was alien, and just not seeing the connection. I asked if he needed help,

yay for you!

he said yes.

yay for him! (and yay for you, because you must have asked it in a way that made him feel safe saying yes

Told him to get off the phone so he could listen, and he did.

yay for him

Then I turned the bottle around and said these instructions are what you need,

Quadruple yay for you! So many people don't realize that there ARE instructions written down; they're surrounded by people who already know how to do stuff, and they feel really stupid because they don't. But there are instructions on the detergent bottle.

My DD needs to get all her banking stuff under her own control, and she gets crabby not knowing already how to do that. I pointed out to her, there are really nice people at banks who will explain anything she needs. They are right there hoping to be asked.

but put clothes in. Measure detergent by size of pile in the machine. Put soap in this slot here. Wash. Dry in dryers over there. Then I asked him don't you know how to do this? He said no, when I go home my mom always does my clothes.

I can't say I blame him horribly--even if he were mildly inclined to learn, it's quite possible his mom wants to deal with it all herself because it's easier for her.

[Softly Spoken]

*snip*

Now, that said, when I had him put his sorting shapes into the bucket he did great...then started to take them back out.  He also likes to pick up the broom, which is about twice as tall as he is, and "sweep" and likes to "vacuum" with the corn popper toy. http://us.ebid.net/for-sale/075380020115-corn-popper-push-toys-for-toddlers-97426186.htm?from=googleshop_us&gclid=CJf37cucibYCFYbc4AodCBYAQA

I had that ball popper "vacuum simulator" toy and loved it...and I hate vacuuming. I had a cute little broom that was just my size when I was little - now the real one is too big and hurts my hands.  Why can't adult stuff be more fun? I want my hoover to be colorful and play music while I use it! And while I'm ranting, I had a kid I babysat tell me he got chocolate chip cookie dough flavored tooth cleaner at the dentist  buh-but why do the grown-ups have to just have mint? Where's my banana flavor tooth polish?  *grumble grumble darn lucky kids*

[Piratelvr1121]

*snip*

Now, that said, when I had him put his sorting shapes into the bucket he did great...then started to take them back out.  He also likes to pick up the broom, which is about twice as tall as he is, and "sweep" and likes to "vacuum" with the corn popper toy. http://us.ebid.net/for-sale/075380020115-corn-popper-push-toys-for-toddlers-97426186.htm?from=googleshop_us&gclid=CJf37cucibYCFYbc4AodCBYAQA

I had that ball popper "vacuum simulator" toy and loved it...and I hate vacuuming. I had a cute little broom that was just my size when I was little - now the real one is too big and hurts my hands.  Why can't adult stuff be more fun? I want my hoover to be colorful and play music while I use it! And while I'm ranting, I had a kid I babysat tell me he got chocolate chip cookie dough flavored tooth cleaner at the dentist  buh-but why do the grown-ups have to just have mint? Where's my banana flavor tooth polish?  *grumble grumble darn lucky kids*

LOL! I know!  I don't mind vacuuming, prefer it to sweeping, even. 

My oldest, at that age, loved to sweep too, and I bought him a play cleaning set with a toy broom and mop.  My father once came by and saw Pirateboy1 playing with the broom and then gave me a look.  Mind you the toys were green. Not pink, not purple or some other "girl" color, but he says "Isn't that kind of girly?"  I rolled my eyes. 

That's another thing I'm trying to instill in my sons, that cleaning and cooking is not "women's work."

The other day my middle child came to me and said "Ya know how some people say men are stronger and braver than women? I think that's wrong.  Women are a lot braver than men." Atta boy!