General Etiquette > Family and Children

young adults learning the hard way - update post #29

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My mother used to get so exasperated when she'd give me advice and then when someone else gave the same advice but worded in a better way (meaning not condescending and from an adult I admittedly had more respect for) I'd listen. 

My father's two sisters were great for talking to their nieces and nephews with respect.  You never felt like they were talking down to you at all, you were never made to feel stupid and actually most of the time they were able to get kids to come to a solution on their own by saying things like "Well what do you think would be the best way to handle that situation?" Or "What might the outcome be if it was done that way?" or "How do you feel that was handled?" And they'd actually listen. 

I do think the lessons I learned the hard way were the ones that stuck.  (I also learned that about 1/2 the time my mother's advice was wrong.)

I agree with bopper on this one.  I'd have tossed in a "dress up to dress down" suggestion, saying that if he put on a dress shirt over the t-shirt he could always remove it if he felt overdressed.  I might even have put said shirt and a tie in the car and then offered it if he mentioned it.  In general, though, I've found that there are some people who must learn things for themselves.  It's more common for that to show up during teen years, but I've seen it in all ages, so the only thing you can do is politely suggest and then step back and let them go through it themselves.  In the OP's situation, I'd rather let him go in with street clothes than fight him on it, knowing that the next ten times will be a little easier for not dying on this particular hill.


My (much younger) BIL was like that. Ugh. It was so hard to watch him make wrong choice after wrong choice, solely because he was determined to either make his own decisions and/or do the opposite of what his parents told him to do. He was about 25 when he finally woke up and stopped being so contrary. His life improved greatly once he did so.

DS3 and his Scout troop are camping this weekend.  A mom of one of the younger boys asked DS3 and one of the other youth leaders to talk to her son about the importance of getting some hiking boots.  Younger boy has been resistant and insisted to his mother that he could wear his tennis shoes or whatever.  They are planning a pretty big hike for Saturday and everyone needs appropriate footwear!  DS3 took younger boy aside and spoke to him and younger boy came to his mom and told her that they needed to go shopping!   Mom said that she knew her son would listen to my son and other older boy even when she had tried to tell him the same thing.   ;)

My DD! Went on a hike a couple of years ago and she insisted she'd be fine wearing flip-flops. I told her that a hike really needs better footwear but no, what do I know? I only have 25 years more experience.

On the way home she did admit that sneakers, at least, would've been a better option. Her feet were sore!

I tread lightly around her, like OP. If it even smacks of 'do this, I know better' she will do the opposite. If I make a suggestion and give the reason why, she'll pause and listen and may make provision that my suggestion makes sense.

Treading lightly has helped as she has (gasp) started asking for a little advice here and there!


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