Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

Not a response to an ugly word, but a response to something obviously untrue

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Waterlight:
My question:  Was complete silence an appropriate response in this situation?

I broke off a "friendship" with someone, let's call her SS Ellen.  (Background on the "final straw" incident:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125363.0 )

About a year later, I was invited to an open house/gallery event given by SS Ellen's DD.  I had bought several pieces of the DD's artwork over the years and the invitation was to all current and former customers of hers.  In retrospect, I probably should have declined the DD's invitation without comment--or not responded to it at all.

The DD and I had a brief conversation at the event.  "Mom never talks about you anymore.  She hasn't seen you in a long time."

"Um... I guess you weren't aware of this, but we had a falling-out about a year ago."

"Oh, she never meant to hurt you.  She still cares about you."

THAT was DD either:  a)being knee-deep in a river in Egypt about her mother's SS behavior and totally oblivious to the hurt her selfishness had caused me; or b)being a flat-out liar.  I couldn't decide which was worse, and the response I was really thinking of (something along the lines of "Bovine Excrement") would definitely NOT have been E-Hell approved.  I also hadn't even heard of, much less employed, the technique of beandipping.  So how else could I have responded other than:

<crickets>

I left the event as soon as I could after that uncomfortable conversation, and haven't been back to any of the DD's events since.

Mal:

--- Quote from: Waterlight on February 28, 2013, 05:33:45 AM ---THAT was DD either:  a)being knee-deep in a river in Egypt about her mother's SS behavior

--- End quote ---

OK, that one took a while, but I love it *g*

As to what you could have said, bean-dipping would probably have been your best bet. I think it's very nice of you that you visited her event and didn't take your annoyance with her mother's antics out on her. But I know a little thing about being blind to a loved one's faults so I can kind of understand why she would feel the need to try and mend fences for you and her mother. Did you get the feeling that she got the point from your silence?

lady_disdain:
Are you sure the daughter knows the details of her mother's friendships? I know my mother's friend by name, I may know a few that help her out but I don't know how much or when or why. In the daughter's place, all I might know is that my mother hadn't mentioned a friend in a long time and that, when she did, she was sorry she hadn't seen the person.

In other words, are you being fair to her by saying that she is lying or in denial?

amylouky:

--- Quote from: Waterlight on February 28, 2013, 05:33:45 AM ---My question:  Was complete silence an appropriate response in this situation?

I broke off a "friendship" with someone, let's call her SS Ellen.  (Background on the "final straw" incident:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125363.0 )

About a year later, I was invited to an open house/gallery event given by SS Ellen's DD.  I had bought several pieces of the DD's artwork over the years and the invitation was to all current and former customers of hers.  In retrospect, I probably should have declined the DD's invitation without comment--or not responded to it at all.

The DD and I had a brief conversation at the event.  "Mom never talks about you anymore.  She hasn't seen you in a long time."
--- End quote ---

"Yes, it's been a while. Gosh, I just LOVE this beandip painting on display!"

I don't think I'd brand DD as either in denial or a liar. Chances are DD doesn't even know the details of why you are no longer friends, and might just write off her Mom's SSness as "Oh, that's just how Mom is.. she doesn't mean any harm."

gorplady:
I don't think I would have answered quite the way you did, I would have just said "Yes, that's true. Bean dip?" And then tried to leave as quickly as possible.

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