How to tell someone you just don't want to babysit for them?

[kudeebee]

When neighbor calls and asks if you can babysit, reply "DH and I talked about it and those dates won't work for us."

Next time, say the same " Let me check my calendar.  No, we can't babysit.  That date won't work for us."  Saying it everytime should lead to him not asking anymore.  I would not say or hint anything about helping in an emergency or they will be having emergencies all the time!

[gramma dishes]

^^^  I'd be afraid that the next words out of their mouths would be "Oh!  Okay, what dates WOULD work for you?"   

[kudeebee]

^^^  I'd be afraid that the next words out of their mouths would be "Oh!  Okay, what dates WOULD work for you?"   

That could be.  Then it would be time to say "I am afraid none will as I need to leave the calendar open for our family events."

[weeblewobble]

I run into this problem frequently because I work from home.  People don't seem to grasp that even though I work from my couch whilst wearing pajama pants, it's still work!  And I need 6-8 hours of quiet, uninterrupted time to get it done every day.  So no, I can't take your child while she's sick so you don't have to miss work.  I can't take your child for weeks at a time during the summer.   I can't take her for the day while you run errands - and yes, my deadlines do "really count."

The minute I see the conversation heading that direction, I mention something along the lines of, "Yes, it's difficult to find good childcare.  I searched for months for the right preschool for my son because I knew I wouldn't be able to work with him in the house with all day."

and if they don't get the hint, I said, "I'm sorry, that won't be possible."

I really don't mind helping out after work hours for real friends who reciprocate.  Our next door neighbors have asked me several times to get her kids off of the bus in the afternoons when they have to work past the drop off time.  And I don't mind because 1) I've finished working at that point and 2) When I've had to dash out to pick my son up from preschool and the kids were playing, she's been willing to supervise my daughter and  3) Her kids are incredibly sweet and well-behaved.

[kittytongue]

There’s a good chance that the neighbor believes you are thrilled for every chance to spend time with these delightful children.  Or maybe he’s just desperate.

I suggest that you don’t bring up the mother’s rude behavior.  It sounds to me like she is mentally or emotionally unstable, which could result in you getting a sob story with TMI, plus a big ol’ guilt trip.

I’d go with some combination of “the children don’t interact well” and “we’re too overwhelmed right now to babysit”.

Where on earth are you getting the bolded from?! Seriously... rudeness =/= mental health issues.

[amylouky]

OP, any updates? Has he asked again?

Sorry.. the situation kind of resolved itself for the time being, in an unfortunate way. My mom went into the hospital unexpectedly last Thursday, had surgery on Friday, and is still there and may be having more surgery this week. He caught my husband outside on Friday and asked him to have me call him about babysitting (he didn't know about Mom). So, I just texted him that we wouldn't be able to watch the girls this weekend (Sunday was one of the days he asked about). Yes, I chickened out for now but wasn't up to dealing with it with everything else going on.
The other date he asked about is in about two weeks, so I guess I'll have to screw up my courage and call him and tell him that won't be possible. I think I've decided to just go with the fact that they get crazy when they're all together and it's really too much to handle.

[camlan]

Sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she is doing better soon.

It does sound as if you are currently on this guy's list of regular babysitters. Since you don't want to be, and I don't blame you for that, the best thing is to make that clear as soon as possible. And telling him the kids just don't get along is good, because how can he argue with that?

There's helping a neighbor out now and then. But two overnight stays for two children in less than a month? That's asking a lot of someone who is just a neighbor and not a very good friend.

[JoieGirl7]

Stop being afraid to express yourself.  If he's not going to be nice if you say no, that makes him a rude jerk and then why would you care what he thinks about anything?

"Could ou babysit for us next week."

"No, its not something I want to do."

"We could really use the help though."

"I'm a mom, not a babysitter.  I am sure that if you put some feelers out you could find some young people are interested in working as babysitters.  I am not."


Does it matter that you would babysit for another friend?  Not at all.  You control who you do favors for and its none of his business.

I raised three sons and quite often there would be another child in the mix, but that child was there primarily as a playmate and not as a favor to someone.
 
There was a boy in our neighborhood once who was not allowed to come over to play unless he could bring his little brother. Well, little brother was not well behaved and he was too young for the group so I said "no, he is can't come over.  The older boy can, but not the younger one."

The mom had a baby at home and was trying to use me for free child care.  Had her younger son been better behaved, it may have worked out.  But, I had three kids of my own and did not need to borrow someone else's trouble.

Making your personal boundaries known is not rude or snotty.  You have the absolute right to say no and it doesn't mean you are heartless or unkind.  It means that you have your priorities in the right place and the confidence to speak them.