Dear Prudence: sibling "stealing" wedding date

[TurtleDove]

snowdragon, I don't think the LW has no right to be upset - clearly she is upset.  I don't think it is reasonable for her to be upset. In my opinion and experience, adults can and do celebrate anniversaries meaningfully without the event happening on the exact anniversary date. 

[Sharnita]

Also, the first couple could have had their engagement party exactly a year before they married. Hevk, maybe they did. Or maybe they had it on another day which gives them 2 special dates. And LW has made it clear that she still intends to skip the engagement party to celebrate her annivrrsay so I don't see how she gets only 1 day or why on earth she would still be miffed.

[WillyNilly]

I just can't get past the idea that it would be impossible, or even an imposition, to attend my brother's wedding on my second wedding anniversary. It just isn't a god enough reason, in my opinion.

I bet if it was just the wedding on the second anniversary, and it as announced to the LW and her DH after their own first anniversary, it wouldn't have been as big a deal or as upsetting, maybe not at all upsetting.

I think the problem isn't so much the wedding on the second anniversary its the big blow shock of being told. Its both days told upfront and no acknowledgement its a special day. In so many words they were told "hey bro I totally didn't think of you and your less then a year ago wedding that I stood up in and went ahead and co-oped your first two anniversary's with my own wedding stuff!"

I bet if the conversation was closer to "hey we're having an engagement party in May, we so hope you can be there, and then we were planning on May 11 next year for our wedding.  We know that's your anniversary and we are excited to share the  date with you" the reaction would be different. 

Its probably not so much the wedding on their second anniversary, its the two parties on 2 anniversaries and the total ignoring of the anniversarys.  Just one event, 2 years later probably wouldn't be a big deal - its not the one bit that upsetting, its the whole package that's upsetting. I think its silly to expect the LW to separate the two events when they essentially were mentioned as one big thing.

[LifeOnPluto]

I just can't get past the idea that it would be impossible, or even an imposition, to attend my brother's wedding on my second wedding anniversary. It just isn't a god enough reason, in my opinion.

I bet if it was just the wedding on the second anniversary, and it as announced to the LW and her DH after their own first anniversary, it wouldn't have been as big a deal or as upsetting, maybe not at all upsetting.

I think the problem isn't so much the wedding on the second anniversary its the big blow shock of being told. Its both days told upfront and no acknowledgement its a special day. In so many words they were told "hey bro I totally didn't think of you and your less then a year ago wedding that I stood up in and went ahead and co-oped your first two anniversary's with my own wedding stuff!"

I bet if the conversation was closer to "hey we're having an engagement party in May, we so hope you can be there, and then we were planning on May 11 next year for our wedding.  We know that's your anniversary and we are excited to share the  date with you" the reaction would be different. 

Its probably not so much the wedding on their second anniversary, its the two parties on 2 anniversaries and the total ignoring of the anniversarys.  Just one event, 2 years later probably wouldn't be a big deal - its not the one bit that upsetting, its the whole package that's upsetting. I think its silly to expect the LW to separate the two events when they essentially were mentioned as one big thing.

POD to WillyNilly.

The wedding is one thing. But the engagement party on the exact same date is a different ball game.

However, as I said in my previous post, I do think the LW and her DH are committed to attending both. To me "We'll make it work" means "We can rearrange our own plans to suit yours, if necessary".

[cass2591]

Maybe weddings happen in other parts of the country on Sunday but that is very unusual for my part of the country.  Especially Mother's Day.

I can't speak for Mother's Day, but Sunday weddings are very common among Jews. Obviously I don't have a clue as to what religion the people in question are, but the assumption (at least in the US of A) that Sunday weddings are rare is just not true.

[Tilt Fairy]

Also, Sunday Weddings are starting to become more common as couples know that the majority of people will not be at work (just like Saturday also) but the wedding venue they have chosen might actually be cheaper on the Sunday instead of the Saturday. Just making it one day later into the weekend can be cheaper and sometimes if the couple aren't fussed on a reception running late into the night and everyone drinking and partying, it might not be too much of an issue that it's Monday the next day.

I'm in the UK and I've attended a couple of weddings on Sunday - smaller, intimate weddings that were scheduled for a Sunday to incorporate or complement quaint English Sunday pastimes like a Sunday Roast at the pub for the reception or the groomsman playing golf on a Sunday morning before the wedding watching the Sunday football afterwards. In England in the spring (March-June), we have two or three national bank holidays that fall on the Monday so sometimes a Sunday Wedding isn't such a bad idea as people have the Monday off anyway.

*Also. As others have mentioned, I think it's quite likely the LW disguised the date for the letter. So we might not even be talking about a Sunday at all.

[kareng57]

Also, Sunday Weddings are starting to become more common as couples know that the majority of people will not be at work (just like Saturday also) but the wedding venue they have chosen might actually be cheaper on the Sunday instead of the Saturday. Just making it one day later into the weekend can be cheaper and sometimes if the couple aren't fussed on a reception running late into the night and everyone drinking and partying, it might not be too much of an issue that it's Monday the next day.

I'm in the UK and I've attended a couple of weddings on Sunday - smaller, intimate weddings that were scheduled for a Sunday to incorporate or complement quaint English Sunday pastimes like a Sunday Roast at the pub for the reception or the groomsman playing golf on a Sunday morning before the wedding watching the Sunday football afterwards. In England in the spring (March-June), we have two or three national bank holidays that fall on the Monday so sometimes a Sunday Wedding isn't such a bad idea as people have the Monday off anyway.

*Also. As others have mentioned, I think it's quite likely the LW disguised the date for the letter. So we might not even be talking about a Sunday at all.

I agree that we're likely not talking about a Sunday "real" wedding - but they're not that uncommon here.

The first one I ever attended was at a non-denominational heritage church owned by the city, and any officiant could do weddings there.  The particular minister was a hospital chaplain, who of course did not have the usual Sunday duties that a minister attached to a church would have had.