Since this involved the in-laws I figured this would be the best place for it, but please move it if it belongs somewhere else. Also, this might be long so sorry in advance
To fully explain this I should mention the following backgroundsBG1
: my husband and his older brother aren't very close any more. Haven't been for years, since before he met me. BIL's wife has never really liked my husband. He knows he used to be terrible for saying things without thinking and she's extremely sensitive but the past couple of years he's tried to improve their relationship
. It's been thrown back in his face. BIL lets SIL treat my husband like dirt. Due to this I'm not a fan of either but have tried to always be civil to them.BG2
: I've been having issues with that time of the month for a year, roughly, and have been to see my local doctor a few times and tried various tablets etc. She then referred me to a consultant for extensive tests who I saw recently for a final diagnosis.
So, on to the story. My diagnosis is basically that I need a hysterectomy due to a huge growth. I've to take some medication first to put me in a medical menopause to try to shrink it before surgery. As I'm 31 this is a bit early
The news came as a bit of a shock and after processing for a few days we figured that since news travels fast in his family and it would get around eventually we'd tell people, prevent gossip [edited-Ticia] and basically control the flow of information. So far so good. At this point the only people in his family who knew where the MIL and FIL.
So on Saturday night my husband was out and his elder (BIL mentioned above) brother and twin brother were there. He mentioned to his twin, wifey has a growth where it shouldn't be, needs surgery we can't have kids. Twin says sorry to hear and asks how we're coping.
He then mentions to elder brother a few moments later, same wording. Elder brother's response was $h!t one and moves off to talk to someone else. Hurtful but not surprising considering they're not close.
Sunday night, and I get a text from MIL asking me if I'll ask my husband to call her. Nothing unusual here, he often forgets where his phone is or lets the battery die out
so he calls her and when he gets off the phone he then says that BIL phoned MIL claiming he didn't understand what my husband had told him and basically wanting to know what exactly was wrong with me and was it cancer. MIL said it wasn't her place to say and he should contact us. My husband tried to phone BIL but got no reply.
So, here's where I'm not sure if I'm overreacting since I'm already pretty stressed. I am annoyed that BIL went to MIL to, as I see it, gossip, instead of coming to us, the people actually involved. I'm upset that he couldn't even send a text to say hope you're OK and instead goes running to his mum for all the details.
As BIL is on night shift this week and my husband has been snowed under during the days, I text BIL just to say I heard from MIL you called her, I feel upset you didn't come to us instead. Husband also called him today (first chance this week) to discuss it and say listen please come to us in future. BIL apparently ranted for 20 mins that we're overreacting, he didn't do anything wrong and it's not a big deal. He also thinks we're overreacting since it's him. My point here is that I'd react this way no matter who it was as it's gossiping about my diagnosis which I hoped to avoid.
If you got this far you deserve a medal!! Anyway; am I overreacting? Also, since I'll see BIL often, how do I handle things if it's mentioned again, and how do I handle my anger and be civil with him?
All advice is gratefully received!