Author Topic: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned  (Read 8738 times)

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AngelBarchild

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #45 on: March 02, 2013, 08:44:56 PM »
I've never been to a viewing at a funeral home, my family is very Irish Catholic. The deceased (casket)  is taken to the home of one of the family members, and placed in a side room. Then everyone comes over and visits. Sometimes it's open casket sometimes it's not. There's usually a lot of drinking, remembering, funny stories, and it's a requirement that someone (or more than one) make an bacon-fed knave out of themselves.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #46 on: March 02, 2013, 09:05:26 PM »
I've told DH I don't want a viewing. Since I prefer to be cremated anyway, I really don't see the need in the added expense to him of renting/buying a casket just for the sole purpose of a viewing.  My paternal grandparents were cremated but had a viewing and funeral mass prior to the cremation. Now as they were Catholic I don't know if they just couldn't get a priest to do the funeral mass unless their body was intact at the time, I dunno.

As of 1997, the RCC allows for cremated remains to be present at a funeral mass. It was not allowed before this.

Hmm.  My grandparents died in 2004 and 2008 respectively so I guess it was just their preference then.

I've never been to a viewing at a funeral home, my family is very Irish Catholic. The deceased (casket)  is taken to the home of one of the family members, and placed in a side room. Then everyone comes over and visits. Sometimes it's open casket sometimes it's not. There's usually a lot of drinking, remembering, funny stories, and it's a requirement that someone (or more than one) make an bacon-fed knave out of themselves.

Ha, that sounds like what happened after my maternal grandmother's family, though she was of Italian descent.  Well she did have a viewing at the church rather than a funeral home but after the reception we had a wake back at her house and my mother and sisters got VERY sauced and broke one of the beds jumping on it.
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kareng57

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #47 on: March 02, 2013, 09:57:57 PM »
I've told DH I don't want a viewing. Since I prefer to be cremated anyway, I really don't see the need in the added expense to him of renting/buying a casket just for the sole purpose of a viewing.  My paternal grandparents were cremated but had a viewing and funeral mass prior to the cremation. Now as they were Catholic I don't know if they just couldn't get a priest to do the funeral mass unless their body was intact at the time, I dunno.

As of 1997, the RCC allows for cremated remains to be present at a funeral mass. It was not allowed before this.

Hmm.  My grandparents died in 2004 and 2008 respectively so I guess it was just their preference then.

I've never been to a viewing at a funeral home, my family is very Irish Catholic. The deceased (casket)  is taken to the home of one of the family members, and placed in a side room. Then everyone comes over and visits. Sometimes it's open casket sometimes it's not. There's usually a lot of drinking, remembering, funny stories, and it's a requirement that someone (or more than one) make an bacon-fed knave out of themselves.

Ha, that sounds like what happened after my maternal grandmother's family, though she was of Italian descent.  Well she did have a viewing at the church rather than a funeral home but after the reception we had a wake back at her house and my mother and sisters got VERY sauced and broke one of the beds jumping on it.


Re cremations - it could be either.  I've gotten the impression (through friends) that RCC priests might have their own strong personal preferences about issues like this.  I don't want to say anymore, I don't want to get the thread locked.

Marbles

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #48 on: March 02, 2013, 10:28:24 PM »
Even within families this can be contentious. My MIL and her sister haven't spoken since their father's funeral ~40 years ago. Apparently Sis wanted to see the body and MIL was against it. I'm sure there is more to it, but that's the story that was given to my DH.

Just Lori

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #49 on: March 11, 2013, 11:09:29 AM »
My neighbor's MIL died and he and his family flew across the country for the funeral.  The deceased woman's sister was quite a character and has no issues with death.  In fact, during the viewing she stood by the casket and quite loudly told her daughter that she didn't want that shade of lipstick when she was in the casket; she wanted her own signature shade.

Then Auntie decided her sister needed to be buried wearing her favorite scent, which Auntie just happened to carry in her purse.  Auntie pulled it out and sprayed it liberally on her sister.  All was fine, until Auntie dropped the perfume.  In the casket.  Where it promptly rolled under the body.

Well, Auntie might have been generous with a few spritzes of perfume, but she wasn't going to let the whole bottle go down with her sister.  She began reaching underneath the body, trying to find the lost bottle.  Other attendees watched in horror or, perhaps more likely, left the room so they could laugh in private.

These are the types of stories that get repeated for generations.  It is my sincere hope that when Auntie dies, she will be wearing the correct shade of lipstick and clutching her perfume bottle in her hand.

Twik

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #50 on: March 11, 2013, 11:56:11 AM »
I ... I really don't think I'd want to use perfume after I'd fished it out of an occupied casket.  :-\
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #51 on: March 11, 2013, 12:04:23 PM »
My neighbor's MIL died and he and his family flew across the country for the funeral.  The deceased woman's sister was quite a character and has no issues with death.  In fact, during the viewing she stood by the casket and quite loudly told her daughter that she didn't want that shade of lipstick when she was in the casket; she wanted her own signature shade.

Then Auntie decided her sister needed to be buried wearing her favorite scent, which Auntie just happened to carry in her purse.  Auntie pulled it out and sprayed it liberally on her sister.  All was fine, until Auntie dropped the perfume.  In the casket.  Where it promptly rolled under the body.

Well, Auntie might have been generous with a few spritzes of perfume, but she wasn't going to let the whole bottle go down with her sister.  She began reaching underneath the body, trying to find the lost bottle.  Other attendees watched in horror or, perhaps more likely, left the room so they could laugh in private.

These are the types of stories that get repeated for generations.  It is my sincere hope that when Auntie dies, she will be wearing the correct shade of lipstick and clutching her perfume bottle in her hand.

Is it wrong that I laughed??  Yeah, that will go down in family infamy I'm sure!  I don't know, if my favorite perfume fell into a casket, I'd honestly be reluctant to let it go 6 feet under, but on the other hand, I wouldn't be spraying it on a corpse, either, so there ya go.
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lowspark

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #52 on: March 11, 2013, 12:52:14 PM »
That's hilarious! Sounds like something in a movie. Reminds me of "Death at a Funeral".

Midge

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #53 on: March 11, 2013, 03:42:21 PM »

My family always had open caskets for funerals and after having seen 3/4 grandparents laid out (I wasn't able to get home for one of them) I've come to realize that it really is better to remember them as they were, not as they are.

I lost my father when I was 7.  My last memory of him was him lying peacefully in his coffin.. finally out of pain.  My parents had been divorced for years at that time so I had only seen him once that year: in the hospital about a month before he died.



POD

I'm all for personal preferences and sensitivities, but I do have a problem with the sentiment of "Nobody wants their last memories of someone to be of him/her lying in a coffin FULL STOP."

My dad died when I was quite a bit older than 7, but he still died too young. And his death was long and painful. When his was in his coffin I saw no more pain or fear on his face. He had lost soo much weight, but the funeral home was run by family friends and they managed to make him look a little more filled out and more like himself.

If we hadn't had an open casket, my last memory of him would have been of him writhing in pain in a hospital bed.

But as to the OP: rude, rude, rude. The deceased's wishes come first, then the family's. And there's nothing wrong with a closed casket.

ladyknight1

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #54 on: March 11, 2013, 10:07:05 PM »
When my husband's aunt lost her battle with intestinal cancer, my MIL had an open casket for her sister. MIL then chided anyone who looked in the casket, and closed it. I thought it was so bizarre, as open casket funerals are not done in my family tradition.

I wanted to add that my last few services have been memorials, as the people had donated their bodies to science. Just a picture of the deceased, and people could mourn as they wished.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2013, 10:12:57 PM by ladyknight1 »

Elfmama

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #55 on: March 11, 2013, 10:24:16 PM »
I didn't even want to see my father in his casket, but mother grasped my arm and said let's go see daddy.  I kind of blurred my eyes  - my younger sister and I were at the hospital when dad died and I much much to the nth degree preferred to remember him as he was.

To this day, I do not or try not to see the deceased as they lay in the casket.  It is a shell of the person - their spirit is gone and memories are the best or photos.

Me neither.  I saw my grandmother in casket and my DH's best friend who died WAY too young and way too needlessly.  That is the last picture I have in my mind of both of them. 

This is why I refused to see my dad when he was in his casket prior to cremation.  My mom wanted to see him, but my sister and I both declined.  We prefer to remember him as he was. 

Such a personal decision for everyone.  Because of my memories of seeing DH's best friend, I will refrain from viewing the open casket for anyone from now on.
Me too.  I'm always glad I didn't see my favorite uncle in his casket; I much preferred the photograph of him sitting in his truck with a beer. 

A certain vile relative, however, I was not at all displeased to see.  I wanted to make sure the person was really dead.  (In deference to the person's children, I did not bring a wooden stake and a mallet, but I was sooooooo tempted....)
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Elfmama

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #56 on: March 11, 2013, 10:27:32 PM »
Trying to put this as delicately as possible, but given that the nature of the death wouldn't allow for an open casket, doesn't the "friend's" request sound awfully ghoulish? As if they wanted to see the injuries?
Yes, it does.  Brrrrr. 
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Iris

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #57 on: March 12, 2013, 12:44:46 AM »
Trying to put this as delicately as possible, but given that the nature of the death wouldn't allow for an open casket, doesn't the "friend's" request sound awfully ghoulish? As if they wanted to see the injuries?
Yes, it does.  Brrrrr.

OP here. I don't know how to put this without giving too many specifics, but feelings ran high about the events and people surrounding the events. It crossed my mind, although I didn't mention it to anyone, that they might have wanted to look for 'evidence' of some kind. I should point out that I have no basis for that thought whatsoever, other than their insistence.
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Moonie

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #58 on: March 12, 2013, 05:37:51 PM »
Quote
they were caught at the funeral home between the visitations trying to open the casket

My jaw just hit the desk.  Sadly, though, I'm not completely surprised having heard and seen some of the other things people do out there thinking that it's perfectly ok to do.

At my father's funeral, his daughter from a previous marriage asked my mother if she could take pictures of him in his casket. My mother said, "Absolutely NOT!" Before the procession to the grave site, the family was allowed one last "goodbye". All of us were on our way to our cars when my brother caught the half sister's husband up by the casket with a camera. We never got the camera away from them, but I'm sure she had him take pictures. There were words said after the funeral. I am sure my father would have been mortified if he knew what they did.

hobish

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Re: Announcing "I want to see her body" - Death mentioned
« Reply #59 on: March 12, 2013, 06:09:06 PM »
I've told DH I don't want a viewing. Since I prefer to be cremated anyway, I really don't see the need in the added expense to him of renting/buying a casket just for the sole purpose of a viewing.  My paternal grandparents were cremated but had a viewing and funeral mass prior to the cremation. Now as they were Catholic I don't know if they just couldn't get a priest to do the funeral mass unless their body was intact at the time, I dunno.

As of 1997, the RCC allows for cremated remains to be present at a funeral mass. It was not allowed before this.

Hmm.  My grandparents died in 2004 and 2008 respectively so I guess it was just their preference then.

I've never been to a viewing at a funeral home, my family is very Irish Catholic. The deceased (casket)  is taken to the home of one of the family members, and placed in a side room. Then everyone comes over and visits. Sometimes it's open casket sometimes it's not. There's usually a lot of drinking, remembering, funny stories, and it's a requirement that someone (or more than one) make an bacon-fed knave out of themselves.

Ha, that sounds like what happened after my maternal grandmother's family, though she was of Italian descent.  Well she did have a viewing at the church rather than a funeral home but after the reception we had a wake back at her house and my mother and sisters got VERY sauced and broke one of the beds jumping on it.


I remember you saying that before, Piratelvr, and i swear i can visualize that going on in my family. Funerals and wakes, especially on my mom's side, are crazy. Usually, they are open coffin; but of course it depends on the circumstances. Someone taking pictures might be unusual, but not unheard of.

That said, i don't know what the woman in the OP was thinking. I hope, as previous posters suggestd, it was just a really bad way of making a request.

(((Iris))) 


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