"You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings

[Emmy]

A telemarketer called my parents house and started with her spiel.  My dad said "no thanks, we are not interested" a few times, but she kept continuing to push whatever she was trying to sell.  He said "good-bye" and hung up the phone while she was still talking.  She called back and as soon as he answered said "Don't you know it's rude to hang up one people", then hung up.

[CrochetFanatic]

I had a customer get angry with me and accuse me of being rude because I wouldn't let him take some free bananas.  I was taking the ones that were bruised and beginning to turn brown, counting them, writing them off on a clipboard and throwing them away to make room for the fresh shipment.  Personally, I wouldn't have cared.  They were bad, we couldn't sell them.  But if he got free bananas, he wouldn't be buying the stock and the store would lose money.  I wasn't losing my job over a lousy banana...

See, I would pay 1/2 price for those bananas.  Because those are the best ones to use for banana bread.  Your store wasn't very smart - I can never find bananas on the reduced rack because they get snapped up so quickly.

My story:  I was in the middle of selling my house because I was moving to a city 1.5 hours away.  I had several people interested word of mouth so I was doing the sale myself, if I could, before calling an agent.  I had plans with a friend later in the day but was showing the house to the eventual buyer in the morning.  Friend called while I was showing the house.  In retrospect, I shouldn't have answered the phone but I did.  I let her know what I was doing and that I'd call her back as soon as they left.

The people finally left and I called her back.  And called her back... And called her back...  She never answered the phone.  When she finally deigned to answer the phone she chewed me out for hanging up on her and called me rude.  What?!?!?

Needless to say, she is now an ex-friend because of this and many other instances.

I agree with you.  It's very rare that I find bananas that are anywhere near ready for banana bread, and when I do I snap them up.  Depending on how cold or warm it is, it could take up to a week and a half for bananas to get ripe enough for it.  We were specifically told not to give them away (nobody mentioned half-price, though), so I sympathized with the guy until he called me rude and selfish.

Having people hang up on me is one of my pet peeves even though it doesn't happen often, but it didn't sound to me like you were rude.

[Outdoor Girl]

^ Another friend (Louise) called me that morning, too.  I called her back when they left (after trying ex-friend) and we chatted for quite a while.  I said the exact same thing to Louise when I said I'd call her back so I asked her if she thought I was rude.  Louise said I was completely fine - and she is also the type of person to be very blunt so if Louise thought I'd been rude, she'd have told me.

A trick for bananas:  When I buy a bunch and the last one or two get over ripe, I peel them, break them up and throw them in a container in the freezer.  I make banana bread when the container is full.

[Katana_Geldar]

I used to do reception and data entry for a conference organising company it was run from home by a husband and wife. One of the conferences was for financial advisers and insurers and a semi-major bank (not one of the big four though) was a partner of the conference.

I was going through the various registrations seeing who still owed money, and I noticed the delegates from this bank had only paid about half as much as they needed to. I thought that was a bit odd and gave them a call and was put through to a rather snooty PA.

She told me that as partners for the conference they were entitled to pay the partners rate and get a discount. Now, the partners rate was for people going to the conference but didn't attend the sessions or lectures. They just went to the meals and presumably did something else during the day.

Now I knew that she was wrong and has to pay more money, but as they were a partner I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I told her that I would check and call her back.

One of the owners was sitting right next to me when I made the call so when I hung up I asked him. He took it directly to the client and the client confirmed what both he and I knew, that the partner rate was for people attending the meals and that they owed us the rest of the full rate.

So I got on the phone and talked again to the snooty PA. She tried to wheedle out of it, saying this was a special case but I had  confirmation directly from the client and I said they had to send the rest of the money to us. I was as nice as possible, saying that the partners rate was a bit confusing but anyone could make that sort of mistake and only ending the call when I had convinced her to send us a cheque.

One of the owners had been there for the entire call and commended me on how I handled it.

But two days later, his wife said she had a call from that bank and a woman was saying she had talked to a rude person from our office that had demanded they send us more money. I was shocked, as if anything the bank woman was rude and I had been polite of possible inspite of that. And I even had her husband as a witness as he heard everything I said and said I had handled it well.

All she said was I wasn't to talk to sponsors again and that she would deal with them direct.y and the matter wasn't raised again. I didn't last much longer in that job, but that's a different story...

[nuit93]

I was frequently labeled rude and disrespectful by my stepfather 

So your stepfather wanted to be praised for adhering to the minimal standards one has to adhere to, to aspire to be a decent, law-abiding human being?
That he could even think that thought, much less voice it! I hope you are taking steps to protect yourself and any children you might have.

Well, apparently us kids weren't deserving of respect, because we didn't pay the bills.  Among his other 'beliefs'...

He's actually my *former* stepfather, mom divorced him when I was in college.  Why it took her that long, I still don't know...but he's no longer in my life or his bio-children's lives.  Last time I saw him was when we had to call the police on him, and that was over decade ago.

[PeterM]

A telemarketer called my parents house and started with her spiel.  My dad said "no thanks, we are not interested" a few times, but she kept continuing to push whatever she was trying to sell.  He said "good-bye" and hung up the phone while she was still talking.  She called back and as soon as he answered said "Don't you know it's rude to hang up one people", then hung up.

I had someone I assumed was a telemarketer call me once. As soon as I said hello they said, "Hold on" and put me on hold.

So I hung up.

Same number called me back a few minutes later and the same voice berated me for being rude. Not even quickly before getting to his reason for calling. This guy was clearly going to spend some time on telling me how rude I was.

So I hung up.

I never did find out who it was or why he called.

[Katana_Geldar]

A telemarketer called my parents house and started with her spiel.  My dad said "no thanks, we are not interested" a few times, but she kept continuing to push whatever she was trying to sell.  He said "good-bye" and hung up the phone while she was still talking.  She called back and as soon as he answered said "Don't you know it's rude to hang up one people", then hung up.

I had someone I assumed was a telemarketer call me once. As soon as I said hello they said, "Hold on" and put me on hold.

So I hung up.

Same number called me back a few minutes later and the same voice berated me for being rude. Not even quickly before getting to his reason for calling. This guy was clearly going to spend some time on telling me how rude I was.

So I hung up.

I never did find out who it was or why he called.

I once got a call from a telemarketer asking If I was happy with my bank. I said "Yes" and hung up. Then he called me back.

[weeblewobble]

Katana_Gelder, oh the joys of administrating for a "professional agency." 

My old employer ran continuing education conferences for medical professionals.  I have never seen people behave so irrationally or rudely in a professional setting as when we organized our annual national conferences. Two examples:

Example 1: We gave out official tote bags containing registration information and goodies and soon as the participants signed in.  That meant that a lot of people were carrying matching bags all week.  The participants would put their wallets, phones, keys, etc. in the bags, so you would THINK they would keep them with them at all times.  But one afternoon, one of the participants came up to the registration desk and SLAMMED his tote bag on the registration tables, nearly whacking one of my coworkers in the head.  (She ducked.)  and the following conversation ensued:

Rude Participant: THIS ISN'T MY BAG!

My Boss (calm): OK, whose bag is it?

Rude Participant: (Yanking out the wallet inside and tossing it at us, actually hitting the coworker who ducked before.) I don't know. YOU look at the ID.

My Boss looks at the ID and takes the bag behind the registration desk while the Rude Participant rants, "I left my bag in one of the session rooms and went to the lunch buffet.  When I got back, it was on a different chair.  I just opened it and someone else's stuff is inside!"

Please keep in mind that lunch was hours before, so this guy had carried around someone else's bag for about five hours.

My Boss: "First, this is a huge hotel in the middle of a major city.  We can't control who walks through this area, so we definitely don't recommend leaving a bag with a wallet and phone in it unattended.  And second, when you couldn't find your bag why would you take someone else's and walk off with it?"

Rude Participant: (shocked and appalled) "Well, there's no reason to be RUDE about it!"

We finally got the guy to calm down and take his bag, which had been turned into the Lost and Found.  And then a half-hour later, another participant (the one whose ID was in the "misappropriated" bag walked up to the desk, fuming, "Where the hell is my bag?!"

I swear, I thought my boss was going to thump her head against the registration desk.

Example 2: Our conferences were generally intended for our members, but non-members were allowed to attend - paying a much higher registration fee than members.  (There had to be some incentives to membership!)  Also, most people registered for the conferences months beforehand, and we offered a discounted "early bird" price for those who registered by a certain date.

Extremely Rude Participant (ERP for short) who was not a member, demanded on-site registration, but he didn't want to pay the higher non-member price. He also wanted the early bird discount, which had expired two months before.  Now, keep in mind, the hotel sold out a month before, so if he had a hotel room (which he did) he knew he was going to attend the conference months before.  He just didn't bother to register for the conference. He handed us a check already filled out for the member discount and early bird registration price and when we told him that wouldn't cover his registration, he commenced hollering obscenities.

My boss, whom I LOVED, immediately took over the situation to shield us employees from this guy's screaming.

ERP: I can't believe this BULL----!  Just take my check! That is your job, isn't it?  Or do I need to go to (Uber Boss, who supervised Boss) to report your incompetence?  Uber Boss is a close personal friend, you know!

Trust me, we knew all of Uber Boss's close personal friends. ERP was not one of them.

Boss: Sir, I'm happy to help you, but you have to stop abusing me and my employees.  Now, I can't give you the early bird price, because that expired two months ago.  But if you want to sign up for membership here and now, I can give you the discounted membership registration price.  Membership is $XXX per year.  (About the same price difference between the non-member and member registration prices.  So if he paid the membership fee and the discounted registration fee, he really wasn't going to save any money.  He was pretty much going to pay the same amount either way.  But if he attended other events, he would benefit.)

ERP: So I pay the membership fee, and that includes the registration for the conference?

Boss: No, you would pay $XXX for the membership fee and then $XXX for the discounted registration fee.

ERP: But I don't want to pay that! I just want to pay the member registration price!

Boss: That won't be possible.  We reserve that price for our members.

ERP: (slamming his fist down on the desk) But I JUST want to pay the member registration price!

Boss: We'd be happy to charge you the member registration price, after you pay the membership fee for the year.

ERP: (slamming his fist down on the desk) But I JUST want to pay the member registration price!

Boss: That won't be possible.

ERP: (slamming his fist down on the desk) But I JUST want to pay the member registration price!

Boss: You can either pay the non-membership registration price, or you can leave.

ERP: Fine, but I want the early bird discount.

And convincing him that we wouldn't do that either, was a whole nother screaming match.  Keep in mind, he was doing this in front of a room full of his peers. People he would want to network with, possibly author journal articles with, etc.  You would think he would want to behave civilly.

ERP ended up causing another huge scene in the hall a few days later when he was not allowed to attend a special session that was not included in the overall conference package.  You had to sign up for the special session months in advance because it filled up quickly.  We were already at capacity, but ERP refused to accept that and stood in the hallway screaming "this close" to my boss's face because she wouldn't add him to the session.  She finally just walked away from him.

Later, Uber Boss said ERP had approached him and asked why UberBoss's staff was so terribly rude to him. Uber Boss said we should try to be nicer.   

We all kind of hoped Boss would thunk ERP's head into the registration desk.

[Katana_Geldar]

Thankful didn't have rude people like that. Worst I had was a couple who turned up without a hotel room as they didn't book one before.

Thankfully I knew a hotel still had spare rooms and sent them there!

[mmswm]

My most recent experience with this type of behavior was in a parking lot.  I've told the story here, and it was featured on Not Always Right, so I'll just post the link.

http://notalwaysright.com/not-all-knights-are-in-shining-armor/24174

[weeblewobble]

Oh my gosh, mmswm!  I read that story on NAR and I was horrified!  How on earth could that man not think you needed a handicapped space when he DROVE over your WALKER? A walker definitely indicates a need for a handicapped space! Thank goodness for those two men.  I'm so glad there are still good people out there.

[Shalamar]

Background about me:   I hate being startled.   My husband occasionally scares me by accident (entering the room quietly and suddenly saying something, for example), and it always makes me mad, even though I know he didn't mean to.  End background.

Yesterday I drove to the grocery store with a pounding headache.   I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, quietly reviewing my list before entering the store, when suddenly something slammed against the driver's side of the car and yelled "YAAAAAGGGGH!".    I literally screamed in terror.

It turned out to be my extremely immature friend who thinks it's funny to scare me on purpose.   As he laughed like a loon, I jabbed my middle finger at him (not E-Hell approved at all, I know).   My only excuse is that I was furious and shaking with fright.

[suzieQ]

A telemarketer called my parents house and started with her spiel.  My dad said "no thanks, we are not interested" a few times, but she kept continuing to push whatever she was trying to sell.  He said "good-bye" and hung up the phone while she was still talking.  She called back and as soon as he answered said "Don't you know it's rude to hang up one people", then hung up.

I had the same type of thing happen to me. I was on the phone with a good friend, consoling her. Things were intense and I got a call. I put her on hold to prevent the constant "beep" you get with call waiting, and the other line was a salesman. He wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, so I put him on hold to go back to intense conversation with friend. A few minutes later, salesman called back to yell at me that I was rude for putting him on hold! So, I put him on hold again. 

[Thipu1]

This thread is very interesting and useful.     

Sociopaths and manipulators have the attitude that simply saying 'You're rude' will make the object of their manipulation cave.  After all, the last thing that people who are trying to help want to please.   Manipulators can play on that and make the most of it.  If they bluster, blow and threaten enough, they'll put the fear of the deity into you and you'll cave. 

At least 90 percent of the time, the one charging rudeness is the one being not only rude but bullying as well. They're nasty, they're often cheap and they know exactly what they're doing. 

The best defense is to let them know that you know what they're doing and, in a nice way, call them out on it. 

   

[Venus193]

This is small stuff compared to the other items so far in this thread, but we all encounter the idiots who sort-of hold the door open for you when you're entering and they're leaving (or whatever) and before you even have time to say a gracious "Thank you" they're saying a sarcastic "You're welcome."