Author Topic: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings  (Read 37405 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Adelaide

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 959
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #105 on: March 06, 2013, 11:39:28 PM »
My parents (unsolicited) used to tell me that I was rude if I didn't go out on a date with every guy who asked. I've been single for quite a long time and I never whine about it or lament that I want a boyfriend. My parents thought that I was being "too picky" and I needed to "lower my standards" and settle for a nice guy BECAUSE he was being nice. Sorry, I don't owe you anything but a polite rejection because you politely asked me out.  ???

nuit93

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1194
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #106 on: March 07, 2013, 12:54:57 AM »
My parents (unsolicited) used to tell me that I was rude if I didn't go out on a date with every guy who asked. I've been single for quite a long time and I never whine about it or lament that I want a boyfriend. My parents thought that I was being "too picky" and I needed to "lower my standards" and settle for a nice guy BECAUSE he was being nice. Sorry, I don't owe you anything but a polite rejection because you politely asked me out.  ???

 :o I'm glad you didn't listen to them!

Asharah

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3948
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #107 on: March 07, 2013, 01:08:46 AM »
My parents (unsolicited) used to tell me that I was rude if I didn't go out on a date with every guy who asked. I've been single for quite a long time and I never whine about it or lament that I want a boyfriend. My parents thought that I was being "too picky" and I needed to "lower my standards" and settle for a nice guy BECAUSE he was being nice. Sorry, I don't owe you anything but a polite rejection because you politely asked me out.  ???

 :o I'm glad you didn't listen to them!
Somewhere on this BB is a story where OP mentioned to her grandmother she turned down a boy who asked her to a dance because she wasn't interested in dating him. Her grandmother replied, "Just because you don't want to is no reason not to date him."  ???
Asharah

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16063
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #108 on: March 07, 2013, 07:18:01 AM »
My parents (unsolicited) used to tell me that I was rude if I didn't go out on a date with every guy who asked. I've been single for quite a long time and I never whine about it or lament that I want a boyfriend. My parents thought that I was being "too picky" and I needed to "lower my standards" and settle for a nice guy BECAUSE he was being nice. Sorry, I don't owe you anything but a polite rejection because you politely asked me out.  ???

 :o I'm glad you didn't listen to them!

Somewhere on this BB is a story where OP mentioned to her grandmother she turned down a boy who asked her to a dance because she wasn't interested in dating him. Her grandmother replied, "Just because you don't want to is no reason not to date him."  ???

I was on the receiving end of some of this during high school.   My mother thought it unimportant that a boy who was calling me made me cringe.

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3365
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #109 on: March 07, 2013, 08:29:12 AM »
My parents (unsolicited) used to tell me that I was rude if I didn't go out on a date with every guy who asked. I've been single for quite a long time and I never whine about it or lament that I want a boyfriend. My parents thought that I was being "too picky" and I needed to "lower my standards" and settle for a nice guy BECAUSE he was being nice. Sorry, I don't owe you anything but a polite rejection because you politely asked me out.  ???

 :o I'm glad you didn't listen to them!
Somewhere on this BB is a story where OP mentioned to her grandmother she turned down a boy who asked her to a dance because she wasn't interested in dating him. Her grandmother replied, "Just because you don't want to is no reason not to date him."  ???

A while back, Knitterly started a thread about a Miss Manner letter in which Miss Manners told a girl that if a boy asked her to a dance and she said no, it would be rude to accept an invitation from a boy that she actually WANTED to go with.  So basically, if you're going to go, you HAVE to accept the invitation of the first boy that asks you.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=114673.msg2674828#msg2674828

I think this is some of the most destructive advice I've ever seen in a column.  You cannot take away a person's power to say no. 

pierrotlunaire0

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4310
  • I'm the cat's aunt!
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #110 on: March 07, 2013, 08:57:50 AM »
I get it a lot at work, but it is of the variety: You told me No.  You are rude."

Oh, please.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3365
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #111 on: March 07, 2013, 09:01:57 AM »
Or this gem, in which the OP's friend insists that even if the OP is married, if a man gets up the courage to send her a drink in a bar, she should accept it.  Because if she doesn't, his poor male ego will be bruised and he might never send a woman a drink again!

http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=3426

OK, so it's better for married woman to pretend she's interested to protect the man's feelings?  And then later, when he considers that drink to be an invitation for further interaction, then what does she do?  Continue the ruse?  Date him?
« Last Edit: March 07, 2013, 09:03:54 AM by weeblewobble »

Shalamar

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1280
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #112 on: March 07, 2013, 11:20:56 AM »
And if he slipped a roofie in it, it would be rude to not fall unconscious and wake up in his apartment!

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11386
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #113 on: March 07, 2013, 11:35:09 AM »
Going with the "nice girl" training that some of us were subject to, it does seem that women tend to be more subject to the "you didn't give me my way so you're rude!" accusations than men do. 

Not to say that men aren't subjected to it, as I know we've seen it where posters have to figure out how to deal with in-laws when their husbands were brought up to say "How high?" whenever their mother said "jump".   But it does seem that women are expected to cater to others.  Even smiling when they don't feel like it cause people don't like to see a woman frowning and we're supposed to be happy to please others.  ::)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16063
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #114 on: March 07, 2013, 12:37:27 PM »
That should be a whole discussion of its own, but I don't know if that would be allowed on this board.

snowflake

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1812
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #115 on: March 07, 2013, 01:24:09 PM »
There is also the off-shoot of, "If you don't have a good enough reason, you are rude for saying no."

I kept refusing to date a guy when I was younger.  I was young and inexperienced and couldn't put into words, "You take too much enjoyment out of trying to batter my self-esteem." And he did. If I said anything, he'd mock it in a jeering voice.  That was supposed to be flattering attention and his sense of humor shining through. I just said, "You aren't my type" and left it at that.  Oh the drama!  See, if he had been an alcoholic/beater/rapist/layabout or even refused to buy me flowers I would have been OK.  But because I just thought that the way he acted was not to my liking, it wasn't a good enough reason and therefore I was rude and lacking social grace.

I loathed myself because I was told that if I was confident and had good self-esteem, his "jokes" would have slid right off my back.  I thought I was a useless jellyfish of a person for letting his jabs prevent me from dating him.

Now I can only cheer when I hear of other people doing the same.

ETA: Sometimes in retrospect I don't know if I had really bad self-esteem or surprisingly healthy, resilient self-esteem.  Just thinking about it makes my head nearly explode.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2013, 01:25:59 PM by snowflake »

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16063
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #116 on: March 07, 2013, 01:50:38 PM »
That is a classic bully tactic and nobody has to put up with it for any reason.  Refusing to put up with it is telling the bully you don't deserve this treatment, not that "you can't take it."

CakeBeret

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4264
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #117 on: March 07, 2013, 02:43:03 PM »
About that phone number, I remember when I was younger there was a number called the rejection line that you gave to poopadities up people you didn't want to see again.

Ah, yes. The Rejection Hotline. :D I've never given the numbers out, but my girl friends and I had great fun giggling over it in our teen years.

http://www.humorhotlines.com/RejectionHotline.asp
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11386
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #118 on: March 07, 2013, 02:58:14 PM »
I've decided that if anyone's rude enough to insist they have my number after I've made it clear I'm not interested, they're going to get a phone number.  867-5309. ;)

I haven't had the chance to use that, but then my name's not Jenny, either. :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

violinp

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3632
  • cabbagegirl28's my sister :)
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #119 on: March 07, 2013, 03:01:48 PM »
I've decided that if anyone's rude enough to insist they have my number after I've made it clear I'm not interested, they're going to get a phone number.  867-5309. ;)

I haven't had the chance to use that, but then my name's not Jenny, either. :)

Ha!  ;D
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter