"You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings

[Desdemona]

I've decided that if anyone's rude enough to insist they have my number after I've made it clear I'm not interested, they're going to get a phone number.  867-5309.

I haven't had the chance to use that, but then my name's not Jenny, either.

That's the fake number I use!  I hope you never have to use it but if you want to be subtle about using it, I recommend adding in an area code. I've used it more often than I thought I would have to in college and no one ever realized what I was doing. But some guys were so annoying I skipped the area code because I wanted them to know how much I didn't want them to have my real one.

[otterwoman]

My friend had the phone number for the local Planned Parenthood memorized to give to guys that wouldn't give up asking her. Since it was local, the prefix matched up with the area. The guys wouldn't know they'd been duped until they actually called.

[nuit93]

My friend had the phone number for the local Planned Parenthood memorized to give to guys that wouldn't give up asking her. Since it was local, the prefix matched up with the area. The guys wouldn't know they'd been duped until they actually called.

*makes a mental note to find out the phone number of a local manure supply company*

[Moray]

I hate to be a spoil-sport, but please don't use the numbers of real businesses that will then have to deal with some guy calling one or more times to look for you. Bucky's Manure Emporium doesn't want to hear from this dude any more than you do.

[Katana_Geldar]

What about plausible random combinations of numbers? I had a DTD cale salesman who wouldn't go until I gave him a phone number. So I did, it just wasn't mine.

[mmswm]

What about plausible random combinations of numbers? I had a DTD cale salesman who wouldn't go until I gave him a phone number. So I did, it just wasn't mine.

I've been the victim of this.  Some woman had given some man a "plausible combination of numbers", that just happened to be my phone number.  At first I was nice about it, but after a few hundred calls and texts within the span of a few days, I was ready to track him down and throw him into a frozen river.  I'm not saying that all people are like this, but just warning that those fake numbers can and do affect the lives of real people.

[Piratelvr1121]

Reminds me of when the movie "Bruce Almighty" came out, they didn't do the usual prefix of 555 like most movies do, they used a real prefix and so people were actually calling up people's phone numbers wanting to see if they could reach God. 

Because enough people complained, when the DVD released, the number's prefix had been changed to 555. 

I remember an episode of Gilmore Girls when Luke gave Lorelai a # that didn't have the 555 prefix but when people called it they reached a recording of the actor who played Luke.

[petal]

I have been following the snowflake thread, and I also read the notalwaysright websites, and I have noticed a pattern - apparently we of eHell are not the only ones who complain about rudeness. The only ones who are more vigilant than us are the people who are so quick to recognize 'rudeness' because they veritably live it!

To these people, "You are being rude" actually translates to "You are not doing what I say / Giving me what I want / Meeting my expectations / Kowtowing to my whims, etc."

I would like to hear about your most "Bizzaro" experiences, in which you found yourself wondering if it was Opposite Day, or thinking you must have fallen into a different dimension because you were accused of being rude when you were not. Was it a cultural or generational misunderstanding, or a matter of meeting a very Special Snowflake? Were you ever vindicated or is this the first time you've had a chance to vent about the injustice you have suffered?

I think I felt like this often as a child when I was forced to go through the motions and "perform" for strangers, but when I was shy I was told "don't be rude."

The only instance I can think of from my adulthood is when my father took offense that I did not want his new GF (who at the time he claimed was "just a friend" and as of last year is now his wife), who I had not even met at this point, at my 30th birthday party. Apparently there was a section in the new etiquette book that states "Even though it is your birthday (and a milestone one at that) and the celebration has traditionally been restricted to family and very close friends, you must accept the last minute addition of a veritable stranger (who you should have been introduced to way before now) and pretend that you are not uncomfortable meeting them for the first time in a very intimate setting." Yeah, I was the rude one.

So what about you guys? What horrors have you experienced, and what horrors have you been accused of, in the name of (perverted or outdated) "etiquette"? Also, to keep us from wallowing in too much vitrol, I would also be interested in hearing the times when you thought you were being polite and because of an innocent misunderstanding you were not seen as such. For example I recently read that while in one culture it is polite to clean your plate, in another culture you must always leave a bite of food on your plate or else you are insulting your hosts by suggesting they did not give you enough. What faux pas can you only excuse with "I didn't know"?

I've read all the stories here and am horrified at some of them. some can be classed as outright bullying and what makes them worse is its parents doing it.

I did want to comment on your OP tho Softly Spoken because i remember reading somewhere that your father was 90?  (i think).  I honestly think that if my  90 year old father wanted to introduce me to his new "girlfriend/friend" even at my big birthday celebration I would be overjoyed at my father finding happiness again after being a widower for a while.

I actually think its wonderful that a 90 year old man can find love again with someone who loves him back.

[zyrs]

What about plausible random combinations of numbers? I had a DTD cale salesman who wouldn't go until I gave him a phone number. So I did, it just wasn't mine.

I've been the victim of this.  Some woman had given some man a "plausible combination of numbers", that just happened to be my phone number.  At first I was nice about it, but after a few hundred calls and texts within the span of a few days, I was ready to track him down and throw him into a frozen river.  I'm not saying that all people are like this, but just warning that those fake numbers can and do affect the lives of real people.

We had a woman calling for some guy for a while.  She would not believe he didn't live here.

[JoW]

What about plausible random combinations of numbers? I had a DTD cale salesman who wouldn't go until I gave him a phone number. So I did, it just wasn't mine.

I've been the victim of this.  Some woman had given some man a "plausible combination of numbers", that just happened to be my phone number.  At first I was nice about it, but after a few hundred calls and texts within the span of a few days, I was ready to track him down and throw him into a frozen river.  I'm not saying that all people are like this, but just warning that those fake numbers can and do affect the lives of real people.

Me, too.  In my case the perpetrator was a deadbeat named Michael.  He bought a car he didn't intend to pay for and gave a fake phone number on the loan application.  His fake number was my real cell phone number.   I got calls for him up to 6 times/day. 

If you want to give a fake number memorize the number for your local time & temperature service or some other recorded message.  Don't subject a real live person to harassment from your pest. 

[bloo]

I've heard the "You're so rude because you won't drink" before. 

I don't drink socially in front of people I need to respect me.  Because for me, there isn't really much of a margin between "having a drink" and passing out and/or dancing and singing on the table.  I've had people tell me I was rude when I didn't come up with a nice, easy reason why I wouldn't drink.  Well, it's sort of embarrassing! 

Or sometimes I will explain that I had better just have water and lemon and everyone will explain that they drink very responsibly and later say they felt judged.  Um, I didn't ask you to explain yourself.  No did I ever say the phrase, "You irresponsible lush, you!"

If it is any help, even telling people that you are allergic doesn't work. You just get them saying "well, that reaction was when you were a kid, maybe you grew out of it" Sorry, mom and dad having to do CPR because I stopped breathing is not something I want to subject on myself or anyone else on a "maybe"

Your friends were nicer than mine.

When I speak of my allergy to alcohol, I hear, "Oh Bloo, getting drunk is not an allergic reaction! HAHAHA, Lolz!"

It would take several drinks for me to actually stop breathing, but I can drink 1 or 2 drinks over the course of an evening. Whenever I've had my second or third sip of alcohol I always think the same thing, "This is wonderful! I should be drinking everyday!" By the time I'm halfway thru my 2nd, I'm like, "Ugh...this is why I hardly drink," because I start feeling lousy.

I suppose I bring it on myself by drinking very moderately instead of just teetotalling.

[Venus193]

I have never been able to understand how anyone could be rude by refusing alcohol.  It is far more rude to question why they do.

[Piratelvr1121]

I think it depends on how it's done.  A simple "No thanks" is fine.  Getting sanctimonious about it would be rude, implying one is more moral or responsible, or healthier than those who drink.

[Venus193]

True, but this is an issue I've seen several times on this board and unless the OP's have omitted anything like that, they are simply declining as you describe.  They owe no explanation for their refusal of alcohol.  Whether they are recovering alcoholics, taking medication that precludes consumption, or practice a religion that forbids it is nobody's business.

I do agree that being sanctimonious is rude.

[Piratelvr1121]

Well I was speaking in general, not just about those on the board who've had the issue. I'm sure ehellions would be polite about refusing alcohol.