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Author Topic: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings  (Read 124102 times)

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KB

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #135 on: March 08, 2013, 11:59:11 PM »
There is a great Snopes page about this:

867-5309

kherbert05

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #136 on: March 09, 2013, 07:13:51 AM »
Drinking is so ingrained in the US culture that *choosing* not to drink seems to be almost literally incomprehensible to a large chunk of the population.

I'm in the US honestly other than my cousins (Canadian not Texans) spiking a drink to see what goodie two shoes was like drunk*  - I've never been pressured to drink.

*(My mom and her amazing Mom powers figured that one out without me saying a word - Hell was paid - they never pulled something like that again)
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

Jocelyn

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #137 on: March 09, 2013, 10:11:48 AM »
What about plausible random combinations of numbers? I had a DTD cale salesman who wouldn't go until I gave him a phone number. So I did, it just wasn't mine.

I've been the victim of this.  Some woman had given some man a "plausible combination of numbers", that just happened to be my phone number.  At first I was nice about it, but after a few hundred calls and texts within the span of a few days, I was ready to track him down and throw him into a frozen river.  I'm not saying that all people are like this, but just warning that those fake numbers can and do affect the lives of real people.
Ditto. I once had to deal with a girl who kept calling, started calling in the middle of the night, had her friends call asking for other guys...all because she was SURE I was lying when I said that the guy didn't live there, I had no idea who it was, he hadn't lived at this number in at least 5 years...I finally spoke very sternly to one of her friends who'd called with the 'Can I speak to Mike? Oh, then, is John there?' tactic. I told her neither of them lived with me, I was tired of being bothered about this, and I really suggested that they forget about John and any other man who'd give them a fake phone number rather than his own.

iridaceae

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #138 on: March 10, 2013, 05:16:16 AM »
I'm in the US honestly other than my cousins (Canadian not Texans) spiking a drink to see what goodie two shoes was like drunk*  - I've never been pressured to drink.
*(My mom and her amazing Mom powers figured that one out without me saying a word - Hell was paid - they never pulled something like that again)

Large chunk does not equal all.
I've run across many people who have tried to spike my drinks. I am old enough that my freshman year the drinking age was 18. One gal on my floor found out within the first week that I did not drink. From that point on she refused to acknowledge my existence. At any big party from then on continuing on tip today  "c'mon,  just one little drink. Just try it. You'll like it."
Nothing to see here.

girlysprite

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #139 on: March 10, 2013, 06:46:16 AM »
My brother once asked my husband what his salary was, because brother was in the process of applying for jobs. Husband didn't want to share what he earned, but did give a general indication of what was useful in their field of work. My brother kept pressing, why didn't husband share it? It's not like he would post it on facebook or something! Husband said that it was private.
Brother started mailing that he didn't understand why he didn't tell him, they were so close, it was something friends would do, and that he didn't like husbands attitude.
Two momths later when I went out to dinner with brother for his graduation, brother started interrogating me as for why husband didn't share it, And regurgitated all the arguments.

Appareantly, if he can't umderstand why people have certain boumdaries, he feels he doesn't have to respect them.

Venus193

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #140 on: March 10, 2013, 06:55:23 AM »
It is most unfortunate that many people feel that DNA or another close relationship is a get-out-of-E-Hell-free pass.  The truth is that this should be the opposite in the name of maintaining the relationship.

Having said that, it should also be a situation in which someone can call someone out (privately) on their faux pas.  The idea that it is never polite to do this leaves too much opportunity for the Clueless and the Aggressively Rude to insult and embarrass others in their lives.





Piratelvr1121

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #141 on: March 10, 2013, 07:04:48 AM »
It is most unfortunate that many people feel that DNA or another close relationship is a get-out-of-E-Hell-free pass.  The truth is that this should be the opposite in the name of maintaining the relationship.

Having said that, it should also be a situation in which someone can call someone out (privately) on their faux pas.  The idea that it is never polite to do this leaves too much opportunity for the Clueless and the Aggressively Rude to insult and embarrass others in their lives.

I completely agree with you on that one.  And I think that's just the sort of dynamic in toxic families that keeps the dysfunction flowing.  The boundary crossers constantly push them as far as they're allowed to and when someone gains a backbone and says "No more" they cry "You're being RUDE!" and if they get enough family members on their side, the one that "rocked the boat" is made to wonder if they are right to have established boundaries or not.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #142 on: March 10, 2013, 08:14:08 AM »
I've been thinking about that issue for a long time and think we need to begin taking a stand on it.  Since I don't want to derail this discussion I will post it as its own thread.





magician5

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #143 on: March 10, 2013, 09:14:54 AM »
My brother once asked my husband what his salary was, because brother was in the process of applying for jobs. Husband didn't want to share what he earned, but did give a general indication of what was useful in their field of work. My brother kept pressing, why didn't husband share it? It's not like he would post it on facebook or something! Husband said that it was private.
Brother started mailing that he didn't understand why he didn't tell him, they were so close, it was something friends would do, and that he didn't like husbands attitude.
Two momths later when I went out to dinner with brother for his graduation, brother started interrogating me as for why husband didn't share it, And regurgitated all the arguments.

Appareantly, if he can't umderstand why people have certain boumdaries, he feels he doesn't have to respect them.

I wonder if this would work:

"I'll tell you my salary if you ... no, if you can get yourr wife to tell me how often you "play scrabble", what your favorite position is, and what's the most unusual place you've done it. Come on, they're simple questions, people answered them all the time on TV on The Newlywed Game."
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

Venus193

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #144 on: March 10, 2013, 09:25:19 AM »

I wonder if this would work:

"I'll tell you my salary if you ... no, if you can get yourr wife to tell me how often you "play scrabble", what your favorite position is, and what's the most unusual place you've done it. Come on, they're simple questions, people answered them all the time on TV on The Newlywed Game."

I think we need a laughing smiley who's on his knees pounding the floor.

Is that still on the air?  Years ago when it was new I wondered how many of those coupled ended up later on Divorce Court because of that show.





girlysprite

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #145 on: March 10, 2013, 09:57:32 AM »
My brother once asked my husband what his salary was, because brother was in the process of applying for jobs. Husband didn't want to share what he earned, but did give a general indication of what was useful in their field of work. My brother kept pressing, why didn't husband share it? It's not like he would post it on facebook or something! Husband said that it was private.
Brother started mailing that he didn't understand why he didn't tell him, they were so close, it was something friends would do, and that he didn't like husbands attitude.
Two momths later when I went out to dinner with brother for his graduation, brother started interrogating me as for why husband didn't share it, And regurgitated all the arguments.

Appareantly, if he can't umderstand why people have certain boumdaries, he feels he doesn't have to respect them.

I wonder if this would work:

"I'll tell you my salary if you ... no, if you can get yourr wife to tell me how often you "play scrabble", what your favorite position is, and what's the most unusual place you've done it. Come on, they're simple questions, people answered them all the time on TV on The Newlywed Game."

I'm afraid she'd tell me, especially since she totally sided with my brother on that case.

PeterM

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #146 on: March 10, 2013, 03:41:59 PM »
There is a great Snopes page about this:

867-5309

There used to be another web page back in the 90s. Some guy called the number in every area code and had a table noting the results. Lots of not in service, lots of perfectly normal answering machine messages, and lots of messages to the effect of "If you're looking for Jenny, she's not here." There was also one "You've reached Jenny, please leave a message" in an obviously male voice.

I read an anecdote from a young adult author years ago. Can't remember who, unfortunately. He had to include a phone number in one of his books - I don't remember why it had to be included, as opposed to just "He gave me the number" or whatever, but art is a fickle mistress and is best not denied - and he didn't want to use a fake 555 number but he also didn't want to annoy the snot out of some poor sap with the misfortune to have the same number. So he used his own phone number, area code and all.

His family apparently got a fair few calls from fans, and they were happy to talk to them. They even talked a few kids through some tough times, which must've felt good. Eventually, though, he came to discover that his teenaged son was accepting collect calls from fans, and it was adding up. So he reluctantly changed future editions of the book. I don't remember exactly how, but after that they no longer had his own number in them.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't Chris Crutcher, Daniel Pinkwater or Stephen King, though those are the names that pop into my head when I think about authors who might have done something like that. It's gonna bug me now.

Layla Miller

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #147 on: March 10, 2013, 04:11:06 PM »
Was it Robert Cormier?  That's the first page that came up in a Google search, anyway.
I searched for nothing on the Internet and got 175,000,000 hits.

PeterM

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #148 on: March 10, 2013, 04:19:52 PM »
Was it Robert Cormier?  That's the first page that came up in a Google search, anyway.

Might've been. I've never read his stuff, for whatever reason, so he never occurred to me. I might've read the account in a collection or seen it referenced somewhere, though.

I'll check it out, thanks!

Winterlight

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #149 on: March 10, 2013, 04:36:09 PM »
I believe Piers Anthony did something similar.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls