Author Topic: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings  (Read 36233 times)

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mmswm

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #195 on: March 29, 2013, 12:31:13 PM »
I have a very effective "teacher look" that I employ on people who tell me to smile.  It normally works to get people to back off.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Reika

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #196 on: March 29, 2013, 03:18:14 PM »
I had an escalated call today that I think falls under this category, though I suppose it could fall under brain hurt too.

Normally when a rep transfers a caller, they give a brief blurb about the issue so we aren't going into the situation blind.  So I take over the call and say, "Hi, this is Reika, I understand you're calling on X. How can I help you today?"

The woman starts off with, "Let me say, you are incredibly rude. You shouldn't be going by what the other woman said. You should have asked me how you could help me."

Me:  :o "Er, I'm sorry about that. How can I help you?"

It went downhill from there, she said she wasn't calling on a specific policy, then she said she was calling on letters on that policy, but we hadn't sent any letters out in over a year. Ultimately I ended up giving her to my manager because she refused to verify the policy info, or even what letters she was talking about and demaned someone above me.

All my manager said was "freeze dried whackaloon". Yes, I introduced that phrase to my escalation team. :)

LadyClaire

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #197 on: March 29, 2013, 03:26:35 PM »
One day at work, a co-worker looked at me and said "Geez, smile! You look like someone just died".

Well..yeah. My grandmother had just died and I'd gotten the news at work, about 5 minutes before my co-worker made the comment to me. I'm guessing she never told someone to smile again after that.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #198 on: March 29, 2013, 03:38:36 PM »
Many years ago I had a friend who had a neutral facial expression.  When told to 'smile' he could produce something that looked very much like a Byzantine icon of St. John the Baptist. 

You can be sure that he scared the Bezayzus out of anyone who asked him to 'smile'. 

Of course I had to go and google it

So did I, and I still don't understand.  Could someone explain, please?

Yvaine

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #199 on: March 29, 2013, 03:40:40 PM »
I had an escalated call today that I think falls under this category, though I suppose it could fall under brain hurt too.

Normally when a rep transfers a caller, they give a brief blurb about the issue so we aren't going into the situation blind.  So I take over the call and say, "Hi, this is Reika, I understand you're calling on X. How can I help you today?"

The woman starts off with, "Let me say, you are incredibly rude. You shouldn't be going by what the other woman said. You should have asked me how you could help me."

Me:  :o "Er, I'm sorry about that. How can I help you?"

It went downhill from there, she said she wasn't calling on a specific policy, then she said she was calling on letters on that policy, but we hadn't sent any letters out in over a year. Ultimately I ended up giving her to my manager because she refused to verify the policy info, or even what letters she was talking about and demaned someone above me.

All my manager said was "freeze dried whackaloon". Yes, I introduced that phrase to my escalation team. :)

Whaaaaaa? Personally, I would be thrilled if what happened during that call was more common. I get so sick of getting transferred to ten people and having to re-explain to each one because the transfer-er didn't explain what I called about.

Reika

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #200 on: March 29, 2013, 09:27:56 PM »
Whaaaaaa? Personally, I would be thrilled if what happened during that call was more common. I get so sick of getting transferred to ten people and having to re-explain to each one because the transfer-er didn't explain what I called about.

That's our standard procedure precisely for that reason. After my post, we did some digging, the caller, and a sibling of hers, have been calling on and off for the past year bitterly complaining about paying the policy benefits to the court appointed representative for that insured's estate. I don't think the whackaloon got any letters, I think she is under the mistaken belief if she acts like she's got stuff from us she'll get us to pay her.

And my manager's comment was after the voicemail. She called the woman back, all she said is "I don't have a politically correct term to use for her."

VorFemme

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #201 on: March 29, 2013, 10:56:55 PM »
Freeze dried whackaloon  8) should be politically correct - unless loons are a protected species due to endangerment or something...... >:D

Not that Snarky, Evil, or I have noticed any shortage of whackaloons in the world......

They seem to be more common, if anything, now than they were ten, twenty, or even thirty years ago.  I was still in school forty years ago, so I have to plead that I didn't NOTICE their relative numbers back then........

Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

Reika

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #202 on: March 29, 2013, 10:57:54 PM »
Freeze dried whackaloon wasn't strong enough I'm afraid.

KB

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #203 on: March 30, 2013, 03:11:23 AM »
I had an escalated call today that I think falls under this category, though I suppose it could fall under brain hurt too.

Normally when a rep transfers a caller, they give a brief blurb about the issue so we aren't going into the situation blind.  So I take over the call and say, "Hi, this is Reika, I understand you're calling on X. How can I help you today?"

The woman starts off with, "Let me say, you are incredibly rude. You shouldn't be going by what the other woman said. You should have asked me how you could help me."

I find that attitude fascinating because I endeavour where possible to give my co-workers a run-down of the progress of the call before transferring it to them, and it then gets my goat like mad when they start their section of the call "Hi, this is X, how may I help you?" which suggests I've told them nothing. I would love to see this issue discussed actually. Which do people prefer and why?

BB-VA

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #204 on: March 30, 2013, 06:38:18 AM »
I had an escalated call today that I think falls under this category, though I suppose it could fall under brain hurt too.

Normally when a rep transfers a caller, they give a brief blurb about the issue so we aren't going into the situation blind.  So I take over the call and say, "Hi, this is Reika, I understand you're calling on X. How can I help you today?"

The woman starts off with, "Let me say, you are incredibly rude. You shouldn't be going by what the other woman said. You should have asked me how you could help me."

I find that attitude fascinating because I endeavour where possible to give my co-workers a run-down of the progress of the call before transferring it to them, and it then gets my goat like mad when they start their section of the call "Hi, this is X, how may I help you?" which suggests I've told them nothing. I would love to see this issue discussed actually. Which do people prefer and why?

I don't know about preferences, but in the call center where I work, it is required that we tell the co-worker as much as possible about the caller.
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
- Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

Thipu1

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #205 on: March 30, 2013, 10:32:26 AM »
Many years ago I had a friend who had a neutral facial expression.  When told to 'smile' he could produce something that looked very much like a Byzantine icon of St. John the Baptist. 

You can be sure that he scared the Bezayzus out of anyone who asked him to 'smile'. 

Of course I had to go and google it

I've looked for a John the Baptist but couldn't find one strong enough.  Suffice it to say that that this expression was not a smile.  It was quite close to the expression of a homicidal maniac who is coming at you with a chain saw. 

Pen^2

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #206 on: March 30, 2013, 11:40:51 AM »
I've had some real shockers. At a school I once taught at, I had a year 10 student who was the very definition of delinquency. He never showed up to class, broke windows, swore, and all the rest of it. At the most expensive school in the state, I should add. His mother was constantly getting phone calls about his behaviour from his tutor (all calls had to be via the tutor, never directly from teachers). I used to wonder why, despite all the phone calls and the evidence of how much money she was pouring down the sink by paying school fees for an institution he didn't really attend, she never seemed to have done anything to change his attitude. Not that it was entirely within her control, of course, but you'd expect something, even a little. I found out the truth on the first parent teacher evening.

It's hard to talk to a parent about a student like this, especially when you can't make an assessment of how he is going in the subject when he never turns up. Considering his behavioural problems, his abilities in maths were really irrelevant. Anyway, we shake hands, I greet her warmly and introduce myself, and we sit down. I begin with something like, "well, as we both are aware, [son] has a few issues holding him back in mathematics. I'd like to discuss with you some steps which [tutor] and myself have worked out to help [son] get the most out of maths."

Mother: "Do you realise how negative you sound?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Mother: "It's really rude to be so negative about my son, you know. I'm very unimpressed."
Me: "I'm sorry you feel that way. How about we focus on the positive things we can do for your son?"
Mother: "There you go again: you haven't said one nice thing about him. I refuse to talk to anyone so rude."

I sit there dumbfounded as I struggle to think of any single nice thing I can say that isn't a blatant lie about the son. Nice smile? Big no. Energetic? Indolent. Friends? None within the school. Breathes well? He spits and snorts too frequently for this to ever be believed. All the while, connections are being made about this woman and her son.

Me: "Again, I'm sorry we seem to have begun on the wrong foot. However, I feel that your son has some very good potential in him for excelling at mathematics, and I'd like to talk with you about helping him achieve some of that."
Mother: "It's no wonder he's failing your class! You're just like all the other idiots who work here! With a teacher this rude and stupid, I can see why his grades are low. You probably just fail him for the hell of it, don't you? Humph! Money obviously can't buy everything: it certainly can't buy good teachers!"

She did this to every other one of his poor teachers. I guess it's easier to blame the teachers than anything else, but still, her attitude was only preventing the problem from ever being addressed and fixed. Daft woman.

Venus193

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #207 on: March 30, 2013, 01:43:18 PM »
Egad; what finally happened?

Kariachi

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #208 on: March 30, 2013, 01:56:59 PM »
Alright, so this happened Thursday, in partial reaction to all the same-sex marriage/Supreme Court stuff going on. A good portion of my family is religious, I'm openly into women, can you see where this is going?

Well, my parents' shared facebook page has been bombarded with anti-same-sex marriage stuff, repeatedly, by relatives and it was starting to wear thin. Finally, Thursday morning, my mother responded to my paternal great-aunt and maternal grandmother, asking if this meant that they'd like to be left off any wedding guest lists for me.

Cue my cousin, who we shall call Overstep 'cause anything else I can think of is unfit for polite company. Overstep responded to my mother, saying that she supports same-sex couples but that grandma is entitled to her beliefs, that we shouldn't be so mean to her and, quote,

"And grandma, I don't think you have to worry about [Kariachi] ever getting married."

End quote. Followed by another comment saying that people should think twice before they disrespect her family.  :o?!

Unfortunately, we discovered this after my sister came home, after a horrible and long day at work and hyped up on caffeine. My over-protective sister. With the worst temper in the household.

Immediately she logged in and responded, not nicely but politely, telling Overstep that grandma's beliefs don't give her immunity to potential consequences and that she may want to not make comments like that about me.

Have I mentioned loving my little sister today?

Overstep came back, saying that this discussion had nothing to do with my sister and I and everything to do with my father being rude to her grandmother.

At which point my mother responded again.

"Actually this is about her mother making a point to Her mother {cut} As for disrespecting YOUR family I'm thinking I put in enough time in it to earn that right."


At which point she tried to backpedal and began on the good old fashion "you're being rude" track.

A select portion of my mom's response.

"If you know your grandchild is [attracted to the same sex] and post something on Facebook against that child ever marrying I believe that is Rude. Something along the line of telling your grandmother she won't have to worry about [Kariachi] ever getting married"


She didn't respond. I think we won.


This is the same cousin that, when my sister posted about considering getting a tattoo on the back of her neck, commented telling her how bad an idea it was and that 'as [her] older cousin, it would be my duty to come up and knock some sense into you'.

To which my sister responded that she was welcome to come try(little sis has beat down guys who make Overstep look like a ragdoll), and that I had rank on this one and had given my support.

She didn't respond to that one either.
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

artk2002

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #209 on: March 30, 2013, 02:17:45 PM »
Sounds like it's time to cut Overstep off from the information stream. Just because she's related, it doesn't mean she has the right to hear everything.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain