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Author Topic: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings  (Read 124067 times)

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VorFemme

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #195 on: March 29, 2013, 09:56:55 PM »
Freeze dried whackaloon  8) should be politically correct - unless loons are a protected species due to endangerment or something...... >:D

Not that Snarky, Evil, or I have noticed any shortage of whackaloons in the world......

They seem to be more common, if anything, now than they were ten, twenty, or even thirty years ago.  I was still in school forty years ago, so I have to plead that I didn't NOTICE their relative numbers back then........

Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

Reika

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #196 on: March 29, 2013, 09:57:54 PM »
Freeze dried whackaloon wasn't strong enough I'm afraid.

KB

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #197 on: March 30, 2013, 02:11:23 AM »
I had an escalated call today that I think falls under this category, though I suppose it could fall under brain hurt too.

Normally when a rep transfers a caller, they give a brief blurb about the issue so we aren't going into the situation blind.  So I take over the call and say, "Hi, this is Reika, I understand you're calling on X. How can I help you today?"

The woman starts off with, "Let me say, you are incredibly rude. You shouldn't be going by what the other woman said. You should have asked me how you could help me."

I find that attitude fascinating because I endeavour where possible to give my co-workers a run-down of the progress of the call before transferring it to them, and it then gets my goat like mad when they start their section of the call "Hi, this is X, how may I help you?" which suggests I've told them nothing. I would love to see this issue discussed actually. Which do people prefer and why?

BB-VA

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #198 on: March 30, 2013, 05:38:18 AM »
I had an escalated call today that I think falls under this category, though I suppose it could fall under brain hurt too.

Normally when a rep transfers a caller, they give a brief blurb about the issue so we aren't going into the situation blind.  So I take over the call and say, "Hi, this is Reika, I understand you're calling on X. How can I help you today?"

The woman starts off with, "Let me say, you are incredibly rude. You shouldn't be going by what the other woman said. You should have asked me how you could help me."

I find that attitude fascinating because I endeavour where possible to give my co-workers a run-down of the progress of the call before transferring it to them, and it then gets my goat like mad when they start their section of the call "Hi, this is X, how may I help you?" which suggests I've told them nothing. I would love to see this issue discussed actually. Which do people prefer and why?

I don't know about preferences, but in the call center where I work, it is required that we tell the co-worker as much as possible about the caller.
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
- Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

Thipu1

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #199 on: March 30, 2013, 09:32:26 AM »
Many years ago I had a friend who had a neutral facial expression.  When told to 'smile' he could produce something that looked very much like a Byzantine icon of St. John the Baptist. 

You can be sure that he scared the Bezayzus out of anyone who asked him to 'smile'. 

Of course I had to go and google it

I've looked for a John the Baptist but couldn't find one strong enough.  Suffice it to say that that this expression was not a smile.  It was quite close to the expression of a homicidal maniac who is coming at you with a chain saw. 

Pen^2

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #200 on: March 30, 2013, 10:40:51 AM »
I've had some real shockers. At a school I once taught at, I had a year 10 student who was the very definition of delinquency. He never showed up to class, broke windows, swore, and all the rest of it. At the most expensive school in the state, I should add. His mother was constantly getting phone calls about his behaviour from his tutor (all calls had to be via the tutor, never directly from teachers). I used to wonder why, despite all the phone calls and the evidence of how much money she was pouring down the sink by paying school fees for an institution he didn't really attend, she never seemed to have done anything to change his attitude. Not that it was entirely within her control, of course, but you'd expect something, even a little. I found out the truth on the first parent teacher evening.

It's hard to talk to a parent about a student like this, especially when you can't make an assessment of how he is going in the subject when he never turns up. Considering his behavioural problems, his abilities in maths were really irrelevant. Anyway, we shake hands, I greet her warmly and introduce myself, and we sit down. I begin with something like, "well, as we both are aware, [son] has a few issues holding him back in mathematics. I'd like to discuss with you some steps which [tutor] and myself have worked out to help [son] get the most out of maths."

Mother: "Do you realise how negative you sound?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Mother: "It's really rude to be so negative about my son, you know. I'm very unimpressed."
Me: "I'm sorry you feel that way. How about we focus on the positive things we can do for your son?"
Mother: "There you go again: you haven't said one nice thing about him. I refuse to talk to anyone so rude."

I sit there dumbfounded as I struggle to think of any single nice thing I can say that isn't a blatant lie about the son. Nice smile? Big no. Energetic? Indolent. Friends? None within the school. Breathes well? He spits and snorts too frequently for this to ever be believed. All the while, connections are being made about this woman and her son.

Me: "Again, I'm sorry we seem to have begun on the wrong foot. However, I feel that your son has some very good potential in him for excelling at mathematics, and I'd like to talk with you about helping him achieve some of that."
Mother: "It's no wonder he's failing your class! You're just like all the other idiots who work here! With a teacher this rude and stupid, I can see why his grades are low. You probably just fail him for the hell of it, don't you? Humph! Money obviously can't buy everything: it certainly can't buy good teachers!"

She did this to every other one of his poor teachers. I guess it's easier to blame the teachers than anything else, but still, her attitude was only preventing the problem from ever being addressed and fixed. Daft woman.

Venus193

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #201 on: March 30, 2013, 12:43:18 PM »
Egad; what finally happened?





Kariachi

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #202 on: March 30, 2013, 12:56:59 PM »
Alright, so this happened Thursday, in partial reaction to all the same-sex marriage/Supreme Court stuff going on. A good portion of my family is religious, I'm openly into women, can you see where this is going?

Well, my parents' shared facebook page has been bombarded with anti-same-sex marriage stuff, repeatedly, by relatives and it was starting to wear thin. Finally, Thursday morning, my mother responded to my paternal great-aunt and maternal grandmother, asking if this meant that they'd like to be left off any wedding guest lists for me.

Cue my cousin, who we shall call Overstep 'cause anything else I can think of is unfit for polite company. Overstep responded to my mother, saying that she supports same-sex couples but that grandma is entitled to her beliefs, that we shouldn't be so mean to her and, quote,

"And grandma, I don't think you have to worry about [Kariachi] ever getting married."

End quote. Followed by another comment saying that people should think twice before they disrespect her family.  :o?!

Unfortunately, we discovered this after my sister came home, after a horrible and long day at work and hyped up on caffeine. My over-protective sister. With the worst temper in the household.

Immediately she logged in and responded, not nicely but politely, telling Overstep that grandma's beliefs don't give her immunity to potential consequences and that she may want to not make comments like that about me.

Have I mentioned loving my little sister today?

Overstep came back, saying that this discussion had nothing to do with my sister and I and everything to do with my father being rude to her grandmother.

At which point my mother responded again.

"Actually this is about her mother making a point to Her mother {cut} As for disrespecting YOUR family I'm thinking I put in enough time in it to earn that right."


At which point she tried to backpedal and began on the good old fashion "you're being rude" track.

A select portion of my mom's response.

"If you know your grandchild is [attracted to the same sex] and post something on Facebook against that child ever marrying I believe that is Rude. Something along the line of telling your grandmother she won't have to worry about [Kariachi] ever getting married"


She didn't respond. I think we won.


This is the same cousin that, when my sister posted about considering getting a tattoo on the back of her neck, commented telling her how bad an idea it was and that 'as [her] older cousin, it would be my duty to come up and knock some sense into you'.

To which my sister responded that she was welcome to come try(little sis has beat down guys who make Overstep look like a ragdoll), and that I had rank on this one and had given my support.

She didn't respond to that one either.
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

artk2002

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #203 on: March 30, 2013, 01:17:45 PM »
Sounds like it's time to cut Overstep off from the information stream. Just because she's related, it doesn't mean she has the right to hear everything.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Kariachi

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #204 on: March 30, 2013, 07:06:08 PM »
Sounds like it's time to cut Overstep off from the information stream. Just because she's related, it doesn't mean she has the right to hear everything.

Something that has been handled. The sister and I had to head out to get lunch while the talk was still going, but once we got home she and my mother immediately blocked her.
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

TootsNYC

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #205 on: March 30, 2013, 10:57:23 PM »
Someone I know was telling this story.

She was in the elevator of her apt. building, with a laundry bag and shopping cart.
Someone else got in and said to her, "Are you going to the basement?" When the answer was yes, the lady said, "Do you want to take my garbage down for me? It would save me a trip."

The person I know said, "No, I wouldn't like to take your garbage down."

The lady said, with a hmph, "well, it's not like it's stinky or anything, but whatever!"

Venus193

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #206 on: March 31, 2013, 06:45:50 AM »
 ::)  I would call that a presumptuous request unless the woman was injured or ill. 

Wait; it's presumptuous anyway since there is an elevator involved and your friend was looking to do laundry.





Katana_Geldar

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #207 on: March 31, 2013, 07:40:29 AM »
She asked it the wrong way and didn't act as of taking the garbage inconvenienced her.

"Do you mind taking my garbage down to the basement? I'd really appreciate it as I need to get back to my desk."

MariaE

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #208 on: March 31, 2013, 08:48:43 AM »
She asked it the wrong way and didn't act as of taking the garbage inconvenienced her.

"Do you mind taking my garbage down to the basement? I'd really appreciate it as I need to get back to my desk."

Not to mention that the wording "Do you want to.." really rubs me the wrong way. Don't make it sound like you're doing me a favour when it's really the other way around.

My husband used to do this and it drove. me. nuts! No honey, you're not bestowing some honour on me by allowing me to do you a favour! I've mostly got him trained out of it, fortunately.
 
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CrochetFanatic

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #209 on: March 31, 2013, 09:06:41 AM »
The problem with doing something nice once is the risk of it becoming a habit.  I would occasionally agree to give someone a ride home from work, but I quickly found out that I didn't like doing this, because once I've done it one time, a couple of my coworkers seemed to think, "Oh, I'll just skip the part of arranging a ride home before work and bum a ride off CrochetFanatic." 

On one hand, I had a couple of girls who would ask me, but would say upfront that if I couldn't do it they could find another way.  Those were the ones who got the most rides, and who accepted it gracefully if I couldn't swing it.  Besides, they were right on the way home.

On the other hand, I had someone I had only met the day before come up to me and say, "I need you to give me a ride home."  I told her I couldn't do it, and she started listing off several reasons why she needed a ride home, and it had to be me because she had already asked everyone else.  I simply "had" to do it.  I repeated that, no, I couldn't do it because I had a lot of errands to run that day (true) and because it was very short notice.  Cue the scoff, and the "Fine!  You don't have to be rude about it..." 

She got home that day.  I don't know how, and I don't care.  ;D