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Author Topic: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings  (Read 123961 times)

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BB-VA

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #210 on: March 31, 2013, 01:12:49 PM »
She asked it the wrong way and didn't act as of taking the garbage inconvenienced her.

"Do you mind taking my garbage down to the basement? I'd really appreciate it as I need to get back to my desk."

Not to mention that the wording "Do you want to.." really rubs me the wrong way. Don't make it sound like you're doing me a favour when it's really the other way around.

My husband used to do this and it drove. me. nuts! No honey, you're not bestowing some honour on me by allowing me to do you a favour! I've mostly got him trained out of it, fortunately.

My husband says, "I am going to let you do X for me."   It is quite irritating to me.

The real kicker is that he got it from his mother.  She still does it.  I think it was a way to get the kids to do something by making it feel like a "special event". 

Maybe it would have been ok if I was a kid - in my 50's, not so much. 
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
- Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

Jocelyn

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #211 on: March 31, 2013, 01:27:03 PM »
My mother used to say "Do you want to set the table?".   She got very irritated when I said "No, but thank you for thinking of me."   >:D
Gee, I didn't realize my mother had another table that needed setting!  >:D

weeblewobble

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #212 on: March 31, 2013, 02:49:43 PM »
Yesterday we took our kids to an aquarium.  There is a penguin exhibit in which the kids can crawl on their hands and knees through a u-shaped plexiglass tube that leads to an enclosed plexiglass bubble (the bubble is in the bend of the "u") within the penguin habitat.  So they can really see the penguins up close. Meanwhile, the parents stand on the other side of the glass enclosing the habitat and we can see the kids crawling through the tube.

Our DD, 8, led her brother, 4, through the tube and despite the fact that it was busy, all of the kids were waiting patiently and taking turns.  Until the Pushersons showed up.  There was a boy, bigger and older than DD, probably 11-2, a boy around 7 and another boy around 6.  They were all in the same family.  They literally crawled over other kids in the tube, shoving smaller kids out of the way and generally being too rough.  The parents had to stand by and watch because there was no way for us to get to or redirect the kids in what amounted to a human sized hamster habit surrounded by penguins and glass.

The oldest boy shoved him and DS whacked his head against the glass hard.  The oldest boy then put both hands on DD's behind and SHOVED her forward.  And while he not have meant it in "that way," it seemed awfully convenient that he decided to put his hands on her behind. Meanwhile, the younger son just crawled over them all.

After seeing DS shoved and feeling two hands on her behind,  DD turned (as quickly as she could in the tube) and grabbed the offending boy's hand, which was still clamped on her leg.   Using something her karate instructor showed her, she put a wristlock on him that put pressure on his joint.  Oldest boy dropped to the floor, calling DD some very rude names (I found out later) while telling her to let go.  DD told me she told DS to get out of the tube and get to Mommy, but DS was too distracted, crying about his injured head, to crawl out.  The other two boys took exception to a girl dropping their brother to the floor and jumped on her, knocking DS against the glass again. 

Needless to say, it was chaos.  I ran to the other end of the tube and yelled, "EVERYBODY GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF EACH OTHER AND GET OUT OF THE TUBE, NOW!!" in my scariest mom voice.

DS and DD came scrambling out. The Pusherson boys came out, yelling that DD hurt each of them. The oldest boy was yelling about his wrist hurting. DS was crying about his head hurting.  DD was prepared for further battle in defense of her behind and her brother.  DH was desperately looking for an aquarium staff member while I tried to keep everybody separated.

A woman, who seemed to be the Pusherson boys' mother, came over and said, "Hey, you can't yell at my kids!"  An aquarium staff member finally came over and asked what happened.  Mrs. Pusherson accused DD of attacking her boys without provocation.  She went on and on about how rude I was by yelling at her sons and how awful DD was. Several people - whose children were also shoved around- backed up my version of events.  The staff asked the Pushersons to stay with them while we were free to go. We ended up leaving the aquarium because we didn't want to see them again.

Yes, it was super-rude of me to yell when your children are marauding through the penguin tube.

P.S. While I am proud of DD for defending her brother and her person, I am a little worried about her going from zero to Chuck Norris so easily.  However, I don't want to tell her she was wrong for reacting that way when someone put his hands on her like that.  So we're going to run the scenario past her karate instructor and ask him if there was a better way to handle it.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2013, 03:57:48 PM by weeblewobble »

Reika

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #213 on: March 31, 2013, 03:00:28 PM »
I dunno, considering what those boys were doing, I think putting that one boy's hand into a wristlock wasn't so bad. She didn't try to kick him in the face or anything, she was trying to get his hands off of her.

MyFamily

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #214 on: March 31, 2013, 03:11:03 PM »
If the karate instructor suggests that she in anyway over-reacted, find a new instructor.

Your daughter's response was 100% absolutely correct and accurate.  That boy touched her in a place that was beyond inappropriate , combined with the fact that the boy also seriously injured your son - honestly, if those had been my children, I wouldn't have been looking for a staff member, I'd have been looking for a police officer.  I'm so angry right now, I'm shaking.  Good for your daughter, she did exactly as she should have and you should be proud of her instead of worrying if she over-reacted.
"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

weeblewobble

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #215 on: March 31, 2013, 03:16:23 PM »
Oh, I definitely haven't said anything negative to her about he response.  I told her she was a good sister and I'm glad she stuck up for herself.  But that we should run what happened past her instructor to see if he has other recommendations for penguin tube altercations.  I'm guessing her instructor will  review her wristlock technique and give her pointers or alternate suggestions.

Elfmama

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #216 on: March 31, 2013, 03:19:23 PM »
My MIL threw at least one hissy fit per visit was about how rude I was. One of the worst was not laughing at her favorite TV comedy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

weeblewobble

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #217 on: March 31, 2013, 03:21:16 PM »
My MIL threw at least one hissy fit per visit was about how rude I was. One of the worst was not laughing at her favorite TV comedy.

Because it's rude to the performers?   ???

JeseC

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #218 on: March 31, 2013, 04:56:55 PM »
My mother is the queen of these.  A particular subtype especially - "you're being selfish."  This is, of course, said whenever she doesn't get what she wants.

For example, my mother has absolutely no concept of personal space existing within the family.  This is coupled with an incessant need to fix *everything* about her family's looks.  Especially anything at all about skin - she has a borderline OCD obsession with removing any sort of pimple, ingrown hair, or any other skin blemish.

Naturally, this led to an altercation.  I eventually indicated that I was highly uncomfortable with her behavior, and asked that she ask or otherwise seek permission before touching me.  Her response?  "I can't believe you're being so selfish.  Not everything is about what YOU want."  Um, so I'm being selfish for insisting that their are limits on who gets to put their hands on MY body?

Beyond The Veil

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #219 on: March 31, 2013, 05:11:44 PM »
-- the man at the gym who came in and used the circuit machines and refused to move for everyone using the circuit properly.  We were rude and needed to get lives so what he did would not be such a big deal to us.

-- the woman talking on her cell phone and staring into oblivion near the vending machines.  When I put my money in and was walking away before she even moved, she called me a rude b$%^ for cutting in front of her.

-- the elderly lady who rushed in front of me to the pharmacist and then proceeded to ask a billion questions and slowly conduct her business.  She muttered about rude young people who were in too much of a hurry.  I had not said a word.

-- my ex-friend who yelled at a cruise ship worker because my ex-friend didn't like the signage on the map.  The cruise ship worker was rude for not taking the ex-friend by the hand and walking her to her destination.

-- the person at the snow crab leg buffet who stood digging into the bottom of the pan for the "hottest" crab legs while everyone waited.  SHE said only rude people cannot wait their turn.  SHE deserved the best crab legs.  I guess we were all chopped liver.
Slight highjack because this reminded me of an incident that happened several years ago.
My DH and I were at a buffet restaurant, and there was a couple at an table close to ours who were camping the crab legs.  They would hop up and run to the buffet as soon as the crab legs were put out and take ever single piece.  They kept making comments along the lines of "We're paying X amount for the buffet; we deserve all we can eat."  Um, everyone in the restaurant is paying X amount.  It's a buffet.
I'm not sure how many of you know that there is a fine line between enough crab and too much crab.  The female member of the party discovered that.   I didn't giggle in the restaurant, but I sure did after we left.  She got her money's worth.

This post is making me snicker because of similar experience of my own from a few years ago that I posted about. End off-topic!  ;D

Elfmama

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #220 on: March 31, 2013, 09:29:02 PM »
I'm honestly not sure about the link between "low status" dogs and jumping, but I will agree with the assertion that well-trained dogs are safer for everybody.  Let's take my dog, for example.  He's huge and very friendly, unless he thinks you're a threat to my kids (but that's another story).

Situation A: 135lb dog comes bounding up to you, trying to jump on you to get attention.

Situation B:  135lb dog sitting down, with a little bit excited tail-wagging and butt-wiggling, looking at his owner.  Owner looks at you and asks if the dog can approach for ear scritches.  If you say yes, dog walks gently over to you, sits down at your feet and looks up.

Obviously situation B is best for everybody.  Dominance or not, the calm, well-behaved and well-trained dog is safest for everybody in the area.


ETA:  Since I'm an owner of a "giant" breed that's known for being very protective, I take training very seriously.  Brazilian Mastiffs are actually banned as dangerous dogs in some countries, and need special licences in others, so I take my responsibility very, very seriously and have gone well beyond basic obedience in his training.  Yet I still have people claim that I'm rude when it comes to his public interactions and keeping him from just being able to go up and greet people without permission.
That is an extremely reasonable and responsible thing to do, IMHO.  No dog should be allowed indiscriminate jumping on people, whether he weighs 135 pounds or 3 pounds. 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elfmama

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #221 on: March 31, 2013, 09:36:01 PM »
the mother doubled back to yell at the lady for being "rude" and "intolerant" because he was "just a little boy, and doesn't know any better!".
Would it be retaliatory rudeness to tell the mother "Then teach him better!"?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elfmama

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  • Derailing threads since 2001!
Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #222 on: March 31, 2013, 09:43:35 PM »
You could always try 867-5309 (tell him your name is Jenny).  Or 1-800-Eat-xxxx.  :)
Please don't.  I've been on the end of receiving calls where some woman has pulled a number out of thin air to give to a persistent drunk.  It wasn't pretty, and ended with my buddy Steve saying "Lulu's in her room with a john.  Can she call you back in 15 minutes?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elfmama

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #223 on: March 31, 2013, 09:58:46 PM »
This morning, when I was in line to pay for a cup of coffee and an apple fritter, another customer tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention.  I went, "Huh?" and turned to look, and the guy standing behind me gave a really exaggerated grin and pointed to the corners of his mouth.  My expression probably looked something like this:  ??? .  He clarified, still grinning, "Smile!"  I said, "No," and turned to face forward again.  He called me rude.  I think he was rude twice; first in touching me when it wasn't necessary, then in telling me to smile when I was minding my own business and trying to wake up the rest of the way.
Anyone who taps me on the shoulder is going to get a scream, not a smile.  And will be lucky not to get a knee to the goolies.  Certain points on the body are EXTREMELY sensitive for a fibromyalgic; shoulders are one of them.  Even a very light touch is painful.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Piratelvr1121

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Re: "You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings
« Reply #224 on: March 31, 2013, 10:02:59 PM »
If anyone were to poke me in the side and then complain when I jumped, they'd be getting a growl.  I'm extremely ticklish. and everywhere.  A couple years ago my friend was helping me to see if a shirt would fit around me when I was pregnant.  She had long nails and unintentionally but ever so lightly brushed my sides with her nails and I jumped and giggled, that's how ticklish I am. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata