"You're being rude" - Etiquette hypocrisy & misunderstandings

[mmswm]

Add me to the list of those applauding Chuck Norris, Jr.  Good for her for being able to defend herself when touched inappropriately!  Double points for defending her brother as well.  You've got a great kid.

[MommyPenguin]

I've always sort of chuckled at people who say, "If somebody grabbed me suddenly, I'd probably involuntarily hit them in the nose!"  And then... it happened to me.  I was getting up from a chair and my husband bussed me on the stomach/side, and I was so startled I elbowed him *hard* in the nose.  He was not happy.  Oops.    I can see the daughter's reaction being part involuntary and part trained reaction from her karate training.

[hjaye]

I think this qualifies as one thing that drives me up the wall!   Here are my favorite stories here:

1) When a toddler slammed into me as I walked off a plane.  The plane was very late and I was sleep-deprived but I was in the "lane" where other travelers were getting off.  I had heard her screaming and running around, but because it didn't occur to me that she'd just run into walking people and didn't watch for her.  (And I wasn't exactly motivated to be extra aware at the time.)  I was told I was rude for not watching for her.  I'm not proud of this but I told the mother to "parent already."  As I walked away I heard her tell her daughter that "It's OK, her mommy didn't teach her to be polite."  Thankfully I recovered myself enough to not turn around and say that my mommy was severely depressed and negligent but there is no way in heck she would be negligent enough to let her daughter go running into people! 

2) When I asked someone to "keep it down" at a camp site.  They were being very loud at 1 am.  They complained that I had "spoiled everything."  Well sorry for the other 100 people here who are encroaching on your family time.

3) When I tried to get past a woman talking on a cellphone on one of those moving sidewalks at the airport.  I said "Excuse me." But she just blithely kept wandering from side to side and jabbering away.  My husband had been ahead of me and we were both moving fast to catch a flight.  I called up to him, "Tell them I'm coming!"  She turned around and berated me for talking loud when she was trying to have a conversation.

4) When someone was holding up a line at a store while berating the cashier for something that wasn't her fault.  He refused to talk to a manager because, "You'd better just fix it!"  Someone else in line said, "Could you speak to a manager?  The rest of us would like to be served as well."  Of course that person was told off for being "rude."  Which made all of us in line snicker a little.  He realized that all of us where smiling at the irony and told us we were all rude.

This is where I would like to paraphrase Winston Churchill, and Ron White:

I may be rude, but you're stupid.  I can learn manners, but you can't fix stupid!  (Oh if only................ )

[snowdragon]

If the karate instructor suggests that she in anyway over-reacted, find a new instructor.

Your daughter's response was 100% absolutely correct and accurate.  That boy touched her in a place that was beyond inappropriate , combined with the fact that the boy also seriously injured your son - honestly, if those had been my children, I wouldn't have been looking for a staff member, I'd have been looking for a police officer.  I'm so angry right now, I'm shaking.  Good for your daughter, she did exactly as she should have and you should be proud of her instead of worrying if she over-reacted.

POD
Touch me, and you will be punished.  Don't like it?  Then you can keep your hands to yourself.

This.  Your daughter was wonderfully controlled in her response.

[siamesecat2965]

My mother used to say "Do you want to set the table?".   She got very irritated when I said "No, but thank you for thinking of me."   

Gee, I didn't realize my mother had another table that needed setting! 

Or mine!  I wish I had thought to say that to her growing up! She will still do that, :"do you want to take out the trash, or some such thing" when I visit. I love my mom, and will do anything she asks me to, but I've told her over and over, just ASK me to do it, not ask if I want to do it!

My mom is very direct, but in some ways can be very PA. 

[mmswm]

I couldn't figure out where to put this, but I was so amused by it I had to stick it somewhere.  I think this is the best place...

I borrowed my father's truck to go to the grocery store.  I had a lot of shopping to do and I needed the additional storage space the truck would provide over the tiny trunk in my little Civic.  Both of my parents have valid handicap parking placards and I keep one for my son in the truck as well, since he rides in both my car and the truck on a regular basis.  Now, I know you're not supposed to drive around with those things hanging on your mirror, but my parents do, and since it's their truck, I left them up.  They have all three placards hanging from the mirror.

I arrive in the parking lot, and since I don't have any of the owners of the placards in the truck with me, I bypass all the open handicap parking and pull into a regular spot about half way back. I hopped out of the truck only to be verbally assaulted by a crazy lady berating me for "abusing handicap parking".  I just looked at her like she was insane, closed the truck door and started walking into the store.  She followed me, yelling at me for at least half the walk.  I ignored her, but it seems that simply being in possession of the placards constituted "abuse" to her.  I didn't reply, only because if I dared open my mouth, I would have probably been guilty of retaliatory rudeness by busting into uproarious laughter right in her face, so I just kept my mouth shut.

[Mel the Redcap]

My husband says, "I am going to let you do X for me."   It is quite irritating to me.

The real kicker is that he got it from his mother.  She still does it.  I think it was a way to get the kids to do something by making it feel like a "special event". 

Maybe it would have been ok if I was a kid - in my 50's, not so much.

Argh argh argh this!!!!!

My mother did this to me all the time when I lived at home, especially if she visited friends and took me along. "Oh, we'll let Mel do the dishes." ARRRRRRGH!!!!!

No, it's not much better when you're a kid. 

[andi]

the mother doubled back to yell at the lady for being "rude" and "intolerant" because he was "just a little boy, and doesn't know any better!".

Would it be retaliatory rudeness to tell the mother "Then teach him better!"?

That's what I always want to say.  Of corse he doesnt know better - that's what parents / guardians etc are put here for- to teach them!!!

[doodlemor]

The oldest boy shoved him and DS whacked his head against the glass hard.  The oldest boy then put both hands on DD's behind and SHOVED her forward.  And while he not have meant it in "that way," it seemed awfully convenient that he decided to put his hands on her behind. Meanwhile, the younger son just crawled over them all.

Actually, he probably did mean it "that way."  I used to teach kids that age, and unfortunately, that's how some of them think.

[Twik]

I arrive in the parking lot, and since I don't have any of the owners of the placards in the truck with me, I bypass all the open handicap parking and pull into a regular spot about half way back. I hopped out of the truck only to be verbally assaulted by a crazy lady berating me for "abusing handicap parking".  I just looked at her like she was insane, closed the truck door and started walking into the store.  She followed me, yelling at me for at least half the walk.  I ignored her, but it seems that simply being in possession of the placards constituted "abuse" to her.  I didn't reply, only because if I dared open my mouth, I would have probably been guilty of retaliatory rudeness by busting into uproarious laughter right in her face, so I just kept my mouth shut.

I wonder if she had some idea that if you display the cards, you *have* to park in a handicapped spot?

[mmswm]

Twik, I thought of that.  The whole situation just seemed surreal.  She was yelling at me in a combination of English/Spanish, and I was trying to ignore her, so I didn't pay too close attention to what she was saying.  I can't win for losing, apparently.

[nayberry]

+1 to "chuck norris JR" reacting perfectly.   




i have a new one,  apparently if you are stood looking at yogurts in the supermarket you now need to be psychic and "know" that you have to move immediately when some people come along. 
that or you'll be hit by their trolley,  i still didn't move until i was done, then i heard "some people are so rude", i did reply..... "yes, shoving a trolley into someone instead of saying, excuse is rude isn't it?"

[CrochetFanatic]

nayberry, that bugs me to no end.  All people have to do is say "excuse me", and I'll almost always move aside.  That simple.  I had an old man clip the backs of my heels with his cart, and he responded with my loud "Ouch!" with an annoyed, "Well, couldn't you see that I'm trying to get to the shelf?"  No, sir, I did hear you coming, but I don't have eyes in the back of my head or ESP.  I expected a speech about how young people never move over for their elders anymore, but he simply sidled in front of me and got what he needed off the shelf.

A simple "Excuse me" would have resulted in an immediate, "Oh, sure." and me moving out of the way.

[nayberry]

precisely Crochetfanatic,  if they said excuse me, i'd have moved along and gone back after they were done.

[One Fish, Two Fish]

+1 to "chuck norris JR" reacting perfectly.   




i have a new one,  apparently if you are stood looking at yogurts in the supermarket you now need to be psychic and "know" that you have to move immediately when some people come along. 
that or you'll be hit by their trolley,  i still didn't move until i was done, then i heard "some people are so rude", i did reply..... "yes, shoving a trolley into someone instead of saying, excuse is rude isn't it?"

The Evil Fishy in me would have felt the need to scream very loudly...possibly fall the ground in agony.