General Etiquette > Life...in general

Would this be a passive-aggressive present?

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Kendo_Bunny:
I'm not sure on this, so I figured I would get some opinions first.

A friend of mine is getting married next weekend. We worked together for a year, despite just being regular friends. She and her soon to be husband are very health-conscious and very concerned about their weight, but neither of them know how to cook. When we worked together, she frequently bemoaned how expensive Lean Cuisine was and how not knowing how to cook was gobbling up their limited budget. I suggested multiple cookbooks that she could use to teach herself basic skills, and even offered to teach her a few quick meals, but she turned me down each time, saying that it was probably too complicated.

I found a very simple, step-by-step 4-ingredient cookbook on sale. Every one of my friends knows that I give a new couple a set of wooden spoons for their wedding (since it's bad luck for a bride to not have a wooden spoon), so would it be passive aggressive to give the happy couple the very basic cookbook as well? She has demurred on learning to cook, but her husband may decide to pick it up, and eating so much processed food is expensive and unhealthy, and they are both aware of it and have both told me that it makes them unhappy.

Sharnita:
I wouldn't do it.  If he indicated for sure he would be willing to cook or even just try then maybe but you are betting on what if from him and definitely not from her.

TootsNYC:
I don't think it would be a rude present at all.
(passive-agressive isn't the right term for this; judgmental or snarky might be the right ones)

But it isn't those things either.

DottyG:
I'm with Sharnita. The fact that you even have this hesitation shows that, knowing them, there's something in you saying that it's not a wise gift.

Err on the side of caution on this one. Don't do it.

gellchom:
I don't know that it's passive aggressive, but I wouldn't do it. It seems kind of "I-know-better."  She has made it clear she isn't interested in learning to cook.  So why give a gift you know she doesn't want?  I know you want her to want it, and she should want it, but she doesn't. So as DottyG wisely said, listen to your uneasy feeling and get something else.   

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